Cres. If you love an addle egg as well as you love an idle head, you would eat chickens i'the shell. Pan. I cannot choose but laugh, to think how she tickled his chin! - Indeed, she has a marvellous white hand, I must needs confess. Cres. Without the rack. Pan. And she takes upon her to spy a white hair on his chin. Cres. Alas, poor chin! many a wart is richer. Pan. But, there was such laughing; - Queen Hecuba laughed, that her eyes ran o'er. Cres. With mill-stones. Pan. And Cassandra laughed. Cres. But there was a more temperate fire under the pot of her eyes; — Did her eyes run o'er too? Pan. And Hector laughed. Cres. At what was all this laughing? Pan. Marry, at the white hair that Helen spied on Troilus' chin. Cres. An't had been a green hair, I should have laughed too. Pan. They laughed not so much at the hair, as at his pretty answer. Cres. What was his answer? Pan. Quoth she, Here's but one and fifty hairs on your chin, and one of them is white. Cres. This is her question. Pan. That's true; make no question of that. One and fifty hairs, quoth he, and one white: That white Juhair is my father, and all the rest are his sons. piter! quoth she, which of these hairs is Paris my husband? The forked one, quoth he, pluck it out, and give it him. But, there was such laughing! and Helen so blushed, and Paris so chafed, and all the rest so laughed, that it passed. Cres. So let it now; for it has been a great while going by. Pan. Well, cousin, I told you a thing yesterday; think on't. O brave Troilus. Pan. Where? yonder? that's Deiphobus: 'Tis Troilus! there's a man, niece! Hem! - Brave Troilus! the prince of chivalry. Cres. Peace, for shame, peace! Pan. Mark him; note him; - look well upon him, niece; look you, how his sword is bloodied, and his helm more hack'd than Hector's; And how he looks, and how he goes! O admirable youth! he ne'er saw three and twenty. Go thy way, Troilus, go thy way; had I a sister were a grace, or a daughter a goddess, he should take O admirable man! Paris?. Paris is his choice. dirt to him; and, I warrant, Helen, to change, would give an eye to boot. Forces pass over the Stage. Cres. Here come more. Pan. Asses, fools, dolts! chaff and bran, chaff and bran! porridge after meat! I could live and die i'the eyes of Troilus. Ne'er look, ne'er look; the eagles are gone; crows and daws, crows and daws' I had rather be such a man as Troilus, than Agamemnon and all Greece. Cres. There is among the Greeks, Achilles; a better man than Troilus. Pan. Achilles? a drayman, a porter, a very camel. Cres. Well, well. Pan. Well, well? Why, have you any discre tion? have you any eyes? Do you know what a man is? Is not birth, beauty, good shape, discourse, manhood, learning, gentleness, virtue, youth, libe Pan. You are such a woman! one knows not at what ward you lie. Cres. Upon my back, to defend my belly; upon my wit, to defend my wiles; upon my secrecy, to defend mine honesty; my mask, to defend my beauty; and you, to defend all these and at all these wards I lie, at a thousand watches. Pan. Say one of your watches. Cres. Nay, I'll watch you for that; and that's one of the chiefest of them too; if I cannot ward what I would not have hit, I can watch you for telling how I took the blow; unless it swell past hiding, and then it is past watching. Pan. You are such another! Enter TROILUS' Boy. Boy. Sir, my lord would instantly speak with you. Pan. Where? Boy. At your own house; there he unarms him. Pan. Good boy, tell him I come: [Erit Boy.]| I doubt, he be hurt. — Fare ye well, good niece. Cres. Adieu, uncle. Pan. I'll be with you, niece, by and by. Cres. To bring, uncle, Pan. Ay, a token from Troilus. Cres. By the same token you are a bawd. [Exit PANDARus. Words, vows, griefs, tears, and love's full sacrifice, And think them shames, which are, indeed, nought else But the protractive trials of great Jove, Nest. With due observance of thy godlike seat, But let the ruffian Boreas once enrage And flies fled under shade, Why, then, the thing o. Ulyss. Thou great commander, nerve and bone of Greece, Heart of our numbers, soul and only spirit, In whom the tempers and the minds of all Should be shut up, - hear what Ulysses speaks. Besides the applause and approbation The which, - most mighty for thy place and sway, [To AGAMEMNON. And thou most reverend for thy stretch'd-out life, [TO NESTOR I give to both your speeches, which were such, As Agamemnon and the hand of Greece Trumpets. Enter AGAMEMNON, NESTOR, ULYSSES, Should hold up high in brass; and such again, SCENE III. The Grecian Camp. Before Agamemnon's Tent. MENELAUS, and others. Agam. Princes, What grief hath set the jaundice on your cheeks? The ample proposition, that hope makes In all designs begun on earth below, Fails in the promis'd largeness: checks and disasters Infect the sound pine, and divert his grain Nor, princes, is it matter new to us, That we come short of our suppose so far, As venerable Nestor, hatch'd in silver, expect That matter needless, of importless burden, Divide thy lips; than we are confident, When rank Thersites opes his mastiff jaws, We shall hear musick, wit, and oracle. Ulyss. Troy, yet upon his basis, had been down, That, after seven years' siege, yet Troy walls stand; And the great Hector's sword had lack'd a master, Sith every action that hath gone before, That gav't surmised shape. Why then, you princes, But for these instances. The specialty of rule hath been neglected : What honey is expected? Degree being vizarded, What plagues, and what portents? what mutiny? Commotion in the winds? frights, changes, horrors, The unity and married calm of states And, like a strutting player, whose conceit Quite from their fixture? O, when degree is shak'd, | Arming to answer in a night alarm. The enterprize is sick! How could communities, And appetite, an universal wolf, So doubly seconded with will and power, And, last, eat up himself. Great Agamemnon, And this neglection of degree it is, That by a pace goes backward, with a purpose And 'tis this fever that keeps Troy on foot, Agam. The nature of the sickness found, Ulysses, Ulyss. The great Achilles,-whom opinion crowns Breaks scurril jests; And with ridiculous and aukward action He pageants us. Sometime, great Agamemnon, And then, forsooth, the faint defects of age Nest. And in the imitation of these twain (A slave, whose gall coins slanders like a mint,) Nest. Let this be granted, and Achilles' horse Agam. With surety stronger than Achilles' arm 'Fore all the Greekish heads, which with one voice Call Agamemnon head and general. Ene. Fair leave, and large security. How may A stranger to those most imperial looks Know them from eyes of other mortals? Agam. Ene. Ay; I ask, that I might waken reverence, And bid the cheek be ready with a blush Modest as morning when she coldly eyes The youthful Phoebus : How? Which is that god in office, guiding men? Ene. Courtiers as free, as debonair, unarm'd, Nothing so full of heart. But peace, Æneas, That breath fame blows; that praise, sole pure, We have, Great Agamemnon, here in Troy The Grecian dames are sun-burn'd, and not worth The splinter of a lance. Even so much. Agam. This shall be told our lovers, lord Æneas; If none of them have soul in such a kind, We left them all at home: But we are soldiers; And may that soldier a mere recreant prove, That means not, hath not, or is not in love! If then one is, or hath, or means to be, That one meets Hector; if none else, I am he. Nest. Tell him of Nestor, one that was a man When Hector's grandsire suck'd: he is old now; But, if there be not in our Grecian host One noble man, that hath one spark of fire To answer for his love, Tell him from me, I'll hide my silver beard in a gold beaver, And in my vantbrace put this wither'd brawn; And meeting him, will tell him, that my lady Was fairer than his grandame, and as chaste As may be in the world; his youth in flood, I'll prove this truth with my three drops of blood. Ene. Now heavens forbid such scarcity of youth! Ulyss. Amen. Agam. Fair lord Æneas, let me touch your hand; So shall each lord of Greece, from tent to tent: [Exeunt all but ULYSSES and NESTOR. Ulyss. Nestor, Nest. What says Ulysses? Ulyss. I have a young conception in my brain, Be you my time to bring it to some shape. Nest. What is't? Yes, It is most meet; Whom may you else oppose, It is suppos'd, He, that meets Hector, issues from our choice: Ulyss. Give pardon to my speech ; — Do not consent, For both our honour and our shame, in this, Nest. I see them not with my old eyes; what are they? Ulyss. What glory our Achilles shares from Hector, Were he not proud, we all should share with him: But he already is too insolent; And we were better parch in Africk sun, That we have better men. But, hit or miss, Now I begin to relish thy advice; Ajax. Thou bitch-wolf's son, canst thou not hear? Feel then. [Strikes him. Ther. The plague of Greece upon thee, thou mongrel beef-witted lord! Ajax. Speak then, thou unsalted leaven, speak: I will beat thee into handsomeness. Ther. I shall sooner rail thee into wit and holi- | ness: but, I think, thy horse will sooner con an oration, than thou learn a prayer without book. Thou canst strike, canst thou? a red murrain o'thy ade's tricks! Ajax. Toads-stool, learn me the proclamation. Ther. Dost thou think, I have no sense, thou strikest me thus? Ajax. The proclamation, Ther. Thou art proclaimed a fool, I think. Ajax. Do not, porcupine, do not; my fingers itch. Ther. I would, thou didst itch from head to foot, and I had the scratching of thee; I would make thee the loathsomest scab in Greece. When thou art forth | in the incursions, thou strikest as slow as another, Ajax. I say, the proclamation, Ther. Thou grumblest and railest every hour on Achilles; and thou art as full of envy at his greatness, as Cerberus is at Proserpina's beauty, ay, that thou barkest at him. Ajar. Mistress Thersites ! Ther. Thou shouldest strike him. Ther. He would pun thee into shivers with his fist, as a sailor breaks a biscuit. Ajax. You whoreson cur! Ther. Do, do. Ajar. Thou stool for a witch! [Beating him. Ther. Ay, do, do; thou sodden-witted lord! thou hast no more brain than I have in mine elbows; an assinego may tutor thee: Thou scurvy valiant ass! thou art here put to thrash Trojans; and thou ar bought and sold among those of any wit, like Barbarian slave. If thou use to beat me, I wil. begin at thy heel, and tell what thou art by inches, thou thing of no bowels, thou! Ajax. You dog! Ther. You scurvy lord! Ajax. You cur! [Beating him. Ther. Mars his idiot! do, rudeness; do, camel do, do. Enter ACHILLES and PATROCLUS. Achil. Why, how now, Ajax? wherefore do you thus? How now, Thersites? what's the matter, man? Achil. So I do; What's the matter? Ther. But yet you look not well upon him: for, whosoever you take him to be, he is Ajax, Achil. I know that, fool. Ther. Ay, but that fool knows not himself. Ther. Lo, lo, lo, lo, what modicums of wit he utters! his evasions have ears thus long. I have bobbed his brain, more than he has beat my bones: I will buy nine sparrows for a penny, and his pia mater is not worth the ninth part of a sparrow. |