afraid to resolve again. Yet, hoping in God, I steadfastly purpose to lead a new life. O God, enable me, for Jesus Christ's sake. To avoid idleness. My purpose is, To regulate my sleep as to length and choice of hours. To worship God more diligently. ALMIGHTY and most merciful Father, look down upon my misery with pity: strengthen me that I may overcome all sinful habits; grant that I may, with effectual faith, commemorate the death of thy Son Jesus Christ, so that all corrupt desires may be extinguished, and all vain thoughts may be dispelled. Enlighten me with true knowledge. animate me with reasonable hope, comfort me with a just sense of thy love, and assist me to the performance of all holy purposes, that after the sins, errours, and miseries of this world, I may obtain everlasting happiness for Jesus Christ's sake. To whom, &c. Amen. I hope to attend on God in his ordinances to-morrow. Trust in God, O my soul. O God, let me trust in Thee. I O GOD, giver and preserver of all life, by whose power I was created, and by whose providence I am sustained, look down upon me with tenderness and mercy; grant that I may not have been created to be finally destroyed; that may not be preserved to add wickedness to wickedness; but may so repent me of my sins, and so order my life to come, that when I shall be called hence, like the wife whom Thou hast taken from me, I may die in peace, and in thy favour, and be received into thine everlasting kingdom, through the merits and mediation of Jesus Christ thine only Son our Lord and Saviour. Amen. 1764. ALMIGHTY and most merciful Father, who by thy son Jesus Christ hast redeemed us from sin and death, grant that the commemoration of his passion may quicken my repentance, increase my hope, and strengthen my faith; that I may lament and forsake my sins; and, for the time which Thou shalt yet grant me, may avoid idleness, and neglect of thy word and worship. Grant me strength to be diligent in the lawful employments which shall be set before me; grant me purity of thoughts, words, and actions. Grant me to love and study thy word, and to frequent thy worship with pure affection. Deliver and preserve me from vain terrours, and grant that by the grace of the Holy Spirit I may so live, that after this life ended, I may be received to everlasting happiness, for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. Good Friday. April 20, 1764. I HAVE made no reformation; I have lived totally useless, more sensual in thought, and more addicted to wine and meat. Grant me, O God, to amend my life, for the sake of Jesus Christ. Amen. • Disorder I have found one great cause of idleness. April 21, 1764, 3 in the morning. My indolence, since my last reception of the Sacrament, has sunk into grosser sluggishness, and my dissipation spread into wilder negligence. My thoughts have been clouded with sensuality; and, except that from the beginning of this year I have in some measure forborn excess of strong drink, my appetites have predominated over my reason. A kind of strange oblivion has overspread me, so that I know not what has become of the last year; and perceive that incidents and intelligence pass over me without leaving any impression. This is not the life to which heaven is promised. I purpose to approach the altar again to-morrow. Grant, O Lord, that I may receive the Sacrament with such resolutions of a better life as may by thy grace be effectual, for the sake of Jesus Christ. Amen. April 21. I read the whole Gospel of St. JOHN. Then sat up till the 22d. My purpose is from this time, To reject or expel sensual images, and idle thoughts. To avoid idleness. To rise early. To study a proper portion of every day. To worship God diligently. To read the Scriptures. To let no week pass without reading some part. I will renew my resolutions made at Tetty's death. I perceive an insensibility and heaviness upon me. I am less than commonly oppressed with the sense of sin, and less affected with the shame of idleness. Yet I will not despair. I will pray to God for resolution, and will endeavour to strengthen my faith in Christ by commemorating his death. I prayed for Tett. Easter Day. April 22, 1764. HAVING, before I went to bed composed the foregoing meditation, and the following prayer; I tried to compose myself, but slept unquietly. I rose, took tea, and prayed for resolution and perseverance. Thought on Tetty, dear poor Tetty, with my eyes full. I went to church; came in at the first of the Psalms, and endeavoured to attend the service, which I went through without perturbation. After sermon, I recommended Tetty in a prayer by herself; and my father, mother, brother, and Bathurst, in another. I did it only once, so far as it might be lawful for me. I then prayed for resolution and perseverance to amend my life. I received soon, the communicants were many. At the altar, it occurred to me that I ought to form some resolutions. I resolved, in the presence of God, but without a vow, to repel sinful thoughts, to study eight hours daily, and I think, to go to church every Sunday, and read the Scriptures. ling; and seeing a poor girl at the sacrament in a bedgown, gave her privately a crown, though I saw Hart's Hymns in her hand. I prayed earnestly for amendment, and repeated my prayers at home. Dined with Miss W., went to prayers at church; went to, spent the evening not pleasantly. Avoided wine, and tempered a very few glasses with sherbet. Came home and prayed. I gave a shil I saw at the sacrament a man meanly dressed, whom I have always seen there at Easter. Easter Day. Against loose Thoughts and Idleness. April 22, 1764, at 3 morning. ALMIGHTY and most merciful Father, who hast created and preserved me, have pity on my weakness and corrup tion. Deliver me from habitual wickedness and idleness; enable me to purify my thoughts, to use the faculties which Thou hast given me with honest diligence, and to regulate my life by thy holy word. Grant me, O Lord, good purposes and steady resolution, that I may repent my sins, and amend my life. Deliver me from the distresses of vain terrour, and enable me, by thy grace, to will and to do what may please Thee; that when I shall be called away from this present state, I may obtain everlasting happiness, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. Sept. 18, 1764, about 6 evening. THIS is my fifty-sixth birth-day, the day on which I have concluded fifty-five years. I have outlived many friends. I have felt many sorrows. I have made few improvements. Since my resolution formed last Easter, I have made no advancement in knowledge or in goodness; nor do I recollect that I have endeavoured it. I am dejected, but not hopeless. O God, for Jesus Christ's sake, have mercy upon me. 7 in the evening. I went to church, prayed to be loosed from the chain of my sins. I have now spent fifty-five years in resolving; having from the earliest time almost that I can remember, been forming schemes of a better life. I have done nothing; the need of doing therefore i pressing, since the time of doing is short. O God, grant me to resolve aright, and to keep my resolutions, for Jesus Christ's sake. Amen. Hæc limina vitæ. I resolve, STAT. To study the Scriptures; I hope, in the original languages. Six hundred and forty verses every Sunday, will nearly comprise the Scriptures in a year. To read good books; to study theology. To treasure in my mind passages for recollection. To rise early; not later than six, if I can; I hope sooner, but as soon as I can. |