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Val. You are as inveterate against our poets, as if your character had been lately exposed upon the stage.--Nay, I am not violently bent upon the trade. [One knocks.] Jeremy, see whose there. (Jer. goes to the door. ]-But tell me what you would have me do ?-What do the world say of me, and my forced confinement ?
Scand. The world behaves itself, as it uses to do on such occasions. Some pity you, and condemn your father : others excuse him, and blame you. Only the ladies are merciful, and wish you well : since love and pleasurable expence have been your greatest faults.
Jer. Nothing new, sir. I have dispatched some half a dozen duns with as much dexterity as an hungry judge does causes at dinner-time.
Val. What answer have you given them?
Fer. No, faith, sir: I have put them off so long with patience and forbearance, and other fair words, that I was forced to tell them in plain downright English
Val. And how the devil do you mean to keep your word ?
Jer. Keep it? Not at a!l: it has been so very much
Trapl. And I desire to know what course you have taken for the payment.
Val. Faith and troth, I am heartily glad to see you -my service to you ! fill, fill, to honest Mr. Trapland -fuller!
Trapl. Hold! sweetheart--this is not to our business. -My service to you, Mr. Scandal !--[drinks. ]--I have forborn as long
Val. T'other glass, and then we'll talk-Fill, Jeremy.
Trapl. No more, in truth-I have forborn, I say,
Val. Sirrah! fill ! when I bid you.And how does your handsome daughter ?-Come, a good husband to her.
[drinks. Trapl. Thank you I have been out of this money Val. Drink first. Scandal, why do you not drink?
[They drink. Trapl. And, in short, I can be put off no longer.
Val. I was much obliged to you for your supply: it did me signal service in my necessity. But you
delight in doing good. Scandal, drink to me, my friend Trapland's health. An honester man lives not, nor one more ready to serve his friend in distress; though I say it to his face. Come, fill each man his glass.
Scand. What? I know Trapland has been a whoremaster, and loves a wench still. You never knew a whore-master that was not an honest fellow.
Trapl. Fie, Mr. Scandal, you never knew l
Scand. What don't I know ?- -I know the buxom black widow in the Poultry-Eight hundred pounds ' a year jointure, and twenty thousand pounds in mo. ney.
Ahah | old Trap! Val. Say you so, i' faith? Come, we'll remember the widow: I know whereabouts you are ; come, to the widow.
Trapl. No more, indeed.
Val. What! the widow's health? Give it him off with it. [They drink. ]-A lovely girl, i' faith, black · sparkling eyes, soft pouting ruby lips! Better sealing there, than a bond for a million, ha!
Trapl. No, no, there's no such thing; we'd better mind our business-You're a wag!
Val. No, faith, we'll mind the widow's business : fill again.—Pretty round heaving breasts, a Barbary shape, and a jut with her bum, would stir an anchorite; and the prettiest foot! Oh, if a man could but fasten his eyes to her feet as they steal in and out, and play at bo-peep under her petticoats--ha! Mr. Trapland !
Trapl. Verily, give me a glass--you're a wag-and here's to the widow.
[Drinks. Scand. He begins to chuckle-ply him close, or he'll relapse into a dun.
Enter Officer. Oft. By your leave, gentlemen.-Mr. Trapland, if we must do our office, tell us.We have half a dozen gentlemen to arrest in Pall-mall and Coventgarden; and if we don't make haste, the chairmen will be abroad, and block up the chocolate-houses; and then our labour's lost.
Trapl. Odso, that's true. Mr. Valentine, I love mirth; but business must be done; are you ready to
Jer. Sir, your father's steward says, he comes to make proposals concerning your debts.
Val. Bid him come in : Mr. Trapland, send away your officer; you shall have an answer presently.
Trapl. Mr. Snap, stay within call. [Exit Officer.
Enter Steward, who whispers VALENTINE. Scand. Here's a dog now, a traitor in his wine! Sirrah, refund the sack: Jeremy, fetch him some warm water; or I'll rip up his stomach, and
the shortest way to his conscience.
Trapl. Mr. Scandal, you are uncivil. I did not value your sack ; but you cannot expect it again, when I have drunk it.
Scand. And how do you expect to have your money again, when a gentleman has spent it? Val. You need say no more.
I understand the conditions; they are very hard, but my necessity is very pressing : I agree to them.' Take Mr. Trapland with you, and let him draw the writing.Mr. Trapland, you know this man; he shall satisfy you.
Trapl. Sincerely, I am loth to be thus pressing; but my necessity
Val. No apology, good Mr. Scrivener; you shall be paid.
Trap. I hope you forgive me; my business re. quires
[Exeunt Trapland, Stoward, and Jeremy. Scand. He begs pardon like a hangman at an exe. 'cution.
Val. But I have got a reprieve.
Scand. I am surprised; what, does your father relent?
Val. No; he has sent me the hardest conditions in the world. You have heard of a booby brother of mine, that was sent to sea three years ago ? This bro. ther, my father hears, is landed ; whereupon he very affectionately sends me word, “ If I will make a deed “ of conveyance of my right to his estate aiter his “ death to my younger brother, he will immediately “ furnish me with four thousand pounds to pay my " debts, and make my fortune.” This was once proposed before, and I refused it; but the present impatience of my creditors for their money, and impatience of confinement, and absence from Angelica, force me to consent. Scand. A very desperate demonstration of your
love to Angelical and I think she has never given you any assurance of hers.
Val. You know her temper; she never gave me any great reason either for hope or despair.
Scand. Women of her airy temper, as they seldom think before they act, so they rarely give us any light