to check the shameful career of the beaux, and bring the infatuated girls to their senses, I advise Caleb to leave them to their fölly; and seek his matrimonial fortune in some other quarter. Were he here, I could show him a couple of scores of fine, handsome maidens, to whom such worthy young men as I take him and his friends to be would not long be obliged to make their suit in vain.

No. 28. APRIL 27, 1815.

Simon Silly's Defence of Himself.

AS old Simon Silly thinks himself very badly treated in my twenty sixth number, it is but fair to allow him room for his own vindication. And I do it the more willingly, as he has gotten somebody, this time, to transcribe his letter for him, and so has saved me the irksome labour of decyphering it.

MR. MOUNTAINEER,

Who is this Peter, I wonder, that knows so muck of me and mine? Whoever he may be, he has written to you about me in a way that I can't patiently bear; and you don't seem disposed to take my part in the least. No; you are leagued together in a combination against me. But I hope you will afford an injured man liberty to defend himself once more.

Peter tries hard to make me appear ridiculous in the eyes of the public. But it is more than he can do, or you either, with all your talk; for I am worth sixty thousand dollars, remember that, sir. It is impossible that any man should be ridiculous who is worth sixty thousand dollars. That's my notion.

Peter maliciously supposes me to bear in mind the floggings which I suffered in learning my letters. And what then? So I do bear them in mind, and always shall; but not with the mertification which he ima

gines. My master used to beat me very plentifully, for two reasons; namely, because he was a very cross grained, passionate animal, and because I was born for better things than loving a book. It was my full intention to pay him for it all when I should grow to be a man; but he turned a corner, and escaped my revenge. Poor fellow, he killed himself.in a few years by hard drinking.

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Well, but it seems I make a miserable appearance at spelling, reading, writing, and cyphering. And what of all that? I tell you, I never loved learning; I had other fish to fry than poring over books, quilldriving, and that sort of things. But a word or two about this shaving business. I have been a shaver, and a keen one, even from my early boyhood. It is a good thing which I learned from my father; and if you think it wrong in me to take advantage of my neighbour's necessities to get his paper from him, or any other property, at the lowest possible rate, I say, that's not my notion. And you may take old Simon's word for it, I am by no means singular in this way of thinking. I know that a prejudice and a clamour are kept up against us shavers. People talk about our extortions; but in short, I am worth sixty thousand dollars, as I told you before. You will be pleased to tell me, if you can, how I should have gathered half that sum in the straight forward road of plodding industry. There's a choke-pear for you, or I am a booby.

Then Peter goes on, (still blaming me,) with a string of doleful lamentations over my children. He thinks my boys will not be able legislators, magistrates, nor jurymen; that my girls are likely to make but indifferent wives; and grieves much that we have no Christianity amongst us. Well, what care I for all this? He may spare his pity, or transfer it to those who are low in the cash line. I shall give each of my children, as they leave me, five thousand dollars; and with this they will make their way well enough. In the mean time, I should despise them if

they did not prefer a good fiddle and a merry hop to all the books and learning in the universal world. Old as I am, I like to foot it with them myself, when my grog puts me up to it. I say, it is time enough. to think of religion a great many years hence. When death comes, we must go, that's certain; but of all things I dislike the thoughts of dying.

There was one Thomas Trueman, a neighbour of ours; I can still remember him, though he died long ago. He would not let his children join us in our sunday rambles, when we went out hunting, fishing, and the like. Neither would he unite with us in our twenty shilling school. So he got three or four people, as odd and obstinate as himself, to agree with him in setting up a school of their own sort. The whole number of their scholars was not very large; and yet they must have a sobér, moral man, a man of tip-top learning too; for the teacher. You can, easily draw the consequence; the education of their children cost them vast sums of money. Nevertheless Thomas would bring himself still lower in the world by the continual exercise of charity, giving away something of what he had to all who were distressed, as if the troubles of other people were his own. have seen him weeping and smiling together, while he endeavoured to explain the delight of what he called traveling out of the narrow sphere of self; but I did not relish that species of journey, and could never comprehend his feelings, nor listen with any pleasure to his enthusiastic discourse. Besides, though his affairs always prospered, he seemed to be determined not to grow rich. My father, (who was a good hand at a joke, and so am I,) was in the habit of laughing heartily at neighbour Trueman's carelessness about wealth. Tom,' said he, will neither save nor shave; and with all his sense and reading, he will die poor. The prophecy was a sound one, and was exactly fulfilled. And what shall we say of his children? Why, they are very well informed, industrious, ho

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nest people; very religious and charitable. One of them is a physician in good practice; another makes a figure in our state assembly. But as they all follow their father's ways, their fortunes have not increased fast, not half so fast as mine. Indeed, according to my notions, I may say they are all poor to this day.

About a year ago, in a severe fit of sickness, I confess I did wish that I had lived and acted like the Truemans. But it was a fancy, which left me with my fever; and I hope it will be long before it returns again. I am quite tired of writing, and must hasten to have done with it. When Peter finishes his abuse of me, you come on and clinch it with a vengeance. You punch me to the very midriff at a single stroke. You say that I am too old and riveted in folly ever to become wise. How dare you say so? What is wisdom but the art of getting money? My vexation would choke me, but for the reflection that I am worth sixty thousand dollars. Pray what are you worth, sir? Can you give as good an account of your wisdom as I do of mine? In short, I shall follow my notions, because they are my own, and I know them to be the best; and you may follow yours, such as they are, till you exchange them for such as are better. SIMON SILLY. /.

It is easy to discern that unless I adopt Simon's notions, as he calls them, which I trust it is impossible I ever shall do, I am to lie under his contempt to the end of the chapter. This load I must bear as calmly as I can. He thinks he has obtained a glorious victory; and will be confirmed in the opinion, if I do not renew the battle. But the wise Solomon mentions people of a certain description whom one might "bray in a mortar among wheat with a pestle," to no manner of purpose. And as I do not love to toil with such an assurance of accomplishing nothing by it, I shall henceforward leave the impenetrable Simon Silly to pursue his own courses without farther molestation.

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In a note handed to me the other day, I am asked, "how shall a man act, against whom a number of hard things have been said, but who is conscious of his ow innocency?" This is a situation which sometimes ex ists, and I admit that it is far from being a pleasant one. The best answer that I can give to the question may be contained in a few words. The laws and courts of the country are open, for the repulsion of slander; but these should not be resorted to, except in strong cases, which seldom occur. In ordinary instances, I recommend to the writer to keep his temper as cool as possible, and to put down the injurious reports which assail his peace, by a steady, persevering course of right conduct. A fabric is not likely to maintain its standing long, if it have no solid foundation to rest upon. I will only add that, under the severest reproaches, an approving conscience is far more consolatory than all the applauses of the world would be without it.

No 29. MAY 11, 1815.

Filial Ingratitude...

IT was my lot, early in life, to weep over the grave of a most affectionate mother. She was taken away about the time when I began rightly to understand the value of such a friend; and from that mournful day, I have scarcely met with any thing so much calculated to rouse my indignation as ingratitude and disrespect in children toward their parents. Very willingly, therefore, do I present the following communication to my readers.

MR. MOUNTAINEER,:~

The fifth commandment of the decalogue always fills me with melancholy thoughts of human nature. How lamentable to find that there is a necessity for the injunction, "honour thy father and thy

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