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could have done as much without feeling shall have ceased their importunity, may be any hurt after it,-only that you may judge cut up also (horrible suggestion !) to deterwhether I am a man likely to set my talent mine in what system of solids or fluids this to sale, or to require the pitiful stimulus of original sin of my constitution lay lurking. a wager.

What work will they make with their acids I have read in Pliny, or in some author of and alkalines, their serums and coagulums, that stamp, of a reptile in Africa, whose effervescences, viscous matter, bile, chyle, venom is of that hot, destructive quality, and acrimonious juices, to explain that cause that wheresoever it fastens its tooth, the which Nature, who willed the effect to punish whole substance of the animal that has been me for my sins, may no less have determined bitten in a few seconds is reduced to dust, to keep in the dark from them, to punish crumbles away, and absolutely disappears : them for their presumption ! it is called, from this quality, the Annihilator. You may ask, Mr. Reflector, to what Why am I forced to seek, in all the most purpose is my appeal to you; what can you prodigious and portentous facts of Natural do for me? Alas ! I know too well that my History, for creatures typical of myself ? case is out of the reach of advice,-out of the I am thut snake, that Annihilator: “wherever reach of consolation. But it is some relief I fasten, in a few seconds

to the wounded heart to impart its tale of O happy sick men, that are groaning under misery ; and some of my acquaintance, who the want of that very thing, the excess of may read my case in your pages under a which is my torment ! O fortunate, too borrowed name, may be induced to give it a fortunate, if you knew your happiness, more humane consideration than I could invalids! What would I not give to ever yet obtain from them under my own. exchange this fierce concoctive and digestive Make them, if possible, to reflect, that an heat, this rabid fury which vexes me, original peculiarity of constitution is no which tears and torments me, — for your crime ; that not that which goes into the quiet, mortified, hermit-like, subdued, and mouth desecrates a man, but that which sanctified stomachs, your cool, chastened comes out of it,—such as sarcasm, bitter inclinations, and coy desires for food ! jests, mocks and taunts, and ill-natured

To what unhappy figuration of the parts observations; and let them consider, if there intestine I owe this unnatural craving, I be such things (which we have all heard of) must leave to the anatomists and the as Pious Treachery, Innocent Adultery, &c., physicians to determine : they, like the rest whether there may not be also such a thing of the world, have doubtless their eye upon as Innocent Gluttony. me; and as I have been cut up alive by the

I shall only subscribe myself, sarcasms of my friends, so I shudder when I contemplate the probability that this

Your afficted servant, animal frame, when its restless appetites


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with great content upon the Venetian Rialto, EXTRACT I.

as he describes diffusedly in his book the I DEMOCRITUS Junior, have put my finish- World's Epitome, which Sannazar so being pen to a tractate De Melancholia, this praiseth, e contra our Polydore can see noday, December 5, 1620. First, I blesse the thing in it ; they call me singular, a pedant, Trinity, which hath given me health to pro- fantastic, words of reproach in this age, which secute my worthlesse studies thus far, and is all too neoterick and light for my humour. make supplication, with a Laus Deo, if in any One cometh to me sighing, complaining. case these my poor labours may be found in- He expected universal remedies in my Anastrumental to weede out black melancholy, tony; so many cures as there are distemcarking cares, harte-grief, from the mind of peratures among men. I have not put his man. Sed hoc magis volo quam expecto.

affection in my cases. Hear you his case. I turn now to my book, i nunc liber, goe My fine Sir is a lover, an inamorata, a Pyraforth, my brave Anatomy, child of my brain- mus, a Romeo ; he walks seven years dissweat, and yee, candidi lectores, lo! here I consolate, moping, because he cannot enjoy give him up to you, even do with him what his miss, insanus amor is his melancholy, you please, my masters. Some, I suppose,' the man is mad; delirat, he dotes; all this will applaud, commend, cry him up (these while his Glycera is rude, spiteful, not to be are my friends), hee is a flos rarus, forsooth, entreated, churlish, spits at him, yet exceeda none-such, a Phænix, (concerning whom ing fair, gentle eyes (which is a beauty), hair see Plinius and Mandeuille, though Fienus de lustrous and smiling, the trope is none of Monstris doubteth at large of such a bird, mine, Æneas Sylvius hath crines ridenteswhom Montaltus confuting argueth to have in conclusion she is wedded to his rival, a been a man malæ scrupulositatis, of a weak boore, a Corydon, a rustic, omnino ignarus, he and cowardlie faith : Christopherus a Vega is can scarce construe Corderius, yet haughty, with him in this). Others again will blame, fantastic, opiniâtre. The lover travels, goes hiss, reprehende in many things, cry down into foreign parts, peregrinates, amoris ergo, altogether my collections, for crude, inept, sees manners, customs, not English, converses putid, post coenam scripta, Coryate could write with pilgrims, lying travellers, monks, herbetter upon a full meal, verbose, inerudite, mits, those cattle, pedlars, travelling gentry, and not sufficiently abounding in authorities, Egyptians, natural wonders, unicorns (though dogmata, sentences of learneder writers which Aldobrandus will have them to be figments), have been before me, when as that first- satyrs, semi-viri, apes, monkeys, baboons, named sort clean otherwise judge of my curiosities artificial, pyramides, Virgilius his labours to bee nothing else but a messe of tombe, relicks, bones, which are nothing but opinions, a vortex attracting indiscriminate, ivory as Melancthon judges, though Cornugold, pearls, hay, straw, wood, excrement, an tus leaneth to think them bones of dogs, exchange, tavern, marte, for foreigners to cats, (why not men ?) which subtill priests congregate, Danes, Swedes, Hollanders, Lom- vouch to have been saints, martyrs, heu bards, so many strange faces, dresses, saluta- Pietas! By that time he has ended his tions, languages, all which Wolfius behelde course, fugit hora, seven other years are



expired, gone by, time is he should returu, he and wild parsley, good in such cases, though taketh ship for Britaine, much desired of his Avicenna preferreth some sorts of wild fowl, friends, favebant venti, Neptune is curteis, teals, widgeons, beccaficos, which men in after some weekes at sea he landeth, rides Sussex eat. He flies out in a passion, ho! ho; post to town, greets his family, kinsmen, and falls to calling me names, dizzard, ass, compotores, those jokers his friends that were lunatic, moper, Bedlamite, Pseudo-Demowont to tipple with him at alehouses ; these critus. I smile in his face, bidding him wonder now to see the change, quantum be patient, tranquil, to no purpose, he still mutatus, the man is quite another thing, he is rages : I think this man must fetch his redisenthralled, manumitted, he wonders what medies from Utopia, Fairy Land, Islands in so bewitched him, he can now both see, hear, the Moone, &c. smell, handle, converse with his mistress, single by reason of the death of his rival, a widow having children, grown willing, prompt, amorous, showing no such great ***** Much disputacyons of fierce dislike to second nuptials, he might have wits amongst themselves, in logomachies, her for asking, no such thing, his mind is subtile controversies, many dry blows given changed, he loathes his former meat, had on either side, contentions of learned men, liever eat ratsbane, aconite, his humour is to or such as would be so thought, as Bodinus die a bachelour; marke the conclusion. In de Periodis saith of such an one, arrident this humour of celibate seven other years amici ridet mundus, in English, this man his are consumed in idleness, sloth, world's plea- cronies they cocker him up, they flatter him, sures, which fatigate, satiate, induce weari- he would fayne appear somebody, meanwhile nesse, vapours, tædium vitæ : When upon a the world thinks him no better than a diz. day, behold a w redit Amor, the man zard, a ninny, a sophist.

1 is as sick as ever, he is commenced lover Philosophy running mad, madness upon the old stock, walks with his hand philosophizing, much idle-learned inquiries, thrust in his bosom for negligence, moping what truth is ? and no issue, fruit, of all he leans his head, face yellow, beard flowing these noises, only huge books are written, and incomposite, eyes sunken, anhelus, breath and who is the wiser ? *

# Men sitwheezy and asthmatical, by reason of over-much tịng in the Doctor's chair, we marvel how sighing: society he abhors

, solitude is but a they got there, being homines intellectils pulhell, what shall he doe? all this while his verulenti as Trincauellius notes ; they care mistresse is forward, coming, amantissima, not so they may raise a dust to smother the ready to jump at once into his mouth, her he eyes of their oppugners ; homines parvulishateth, feels disgust when she is but men- simi, as Lemnius, whom Alcuin herein taxeth tioner, thinks her ugly, old, a painted Jesa- of a crude Latinism ; dwarfs, minims, the beel, Alecto, Megara, and Tisiphone all at least little men, these spend their time, once, a Corinthian Lais, a strumpet, only not and it is odds but they lose their time and handsome ; that which he affecteth so much, wits too into the bargain, chasing of nimble that which drives him mad, distracted, phire- and retiring Truth: Her they prosecuie, her netic, beside himself, is no beauty which still they worship, libant, they make libalives, nothing in rerum naturâ (so he might tions, spilling the wine, as those old Romans entertain a hope of a cure), but something in their sacrificials, Cerealia, May-games : which is not, can never be, a certain fantastic Truth is the game all these hunt after, to! opinion or notional image of his mistresse, the extreme perturbacyon and drying up of that which she was, and that which hee the moistures, humidum radicale exsiccant, as thought her to be, in former times, how Galen, in his counsels to one of these wearbeautiful! torments him, frets him, follows wits, brain-moppers, spunges, saith. him, makes him that he wishes to die. and for all this nunquam metam attingunt

This Caprichio, Sir Humourous, hee cometh and how should they? they bowle awry, to me to be cured. I counsel marriage with shooting beside the marke; whereas it should his mistresse, according to Hippocrates his appear, that Truth absolute on this planet of method, together with milk-diet, herbs, aloes, ours is scarcely to be found, but in her stede

Queene Opinion predominates, governs, whose mon sort, plebs, the rabble, duelloes with shifting and ever mutable Lampas, me seem- fists, proper to this island, at which the eth, is man's destinie to follow, she præcur- stiletto'd and secret Italian laughs.) Withseth, she guideth him, before his uncapable drawing myselfe from these buzzing and illieyes she frisketh her tender lights, which terate vanities, with a bezo las manos to the entertayne the child-man, untill what time city, I begin to inhale, draw in, snuff up, as his sight be strong to endure the vision of horses dilatis naribus snort the fresh aires, Very Truth, which is in the heavens, the with exceeding great delight, when suddenly vision beatifical, as Anianus expounds in his there crosses me a procession, sad, heavy, argument against certain mad wits which dolourous, tristfull, melancholick, able to helde God to be corporeous; these were change mirth into dolour, and overcast a dizzards, fools, gothamites. **** but and clearer atmosphere than possibly the neighif Very Truth be extant indeede on earth, as bourhoods of so great a citty can afford. An some hold she it is which actuates men's old man, a poore man deceased, is borne on deeds, purposes, ye may in vaine look for 'men's shoulders to a poore buriall, without her in the learned universities, halls, colleges. ' solemnities of hearse, mourners, plumes, Truth is no Doctoresse, she takes no degrees mutæ personæ, those personate actors that will at Paris or Oxford, amongst great clerks, weep if yee shew them a piece of silver; none disputants, subtile Aristotles, men nodosi in- of those customed civilities of children, kinsgenii, able to take Lully by the chin, but often- folk, dependants, following the coffin; he died times to such an one as myself, an Idiota or a poore man, his friends accessores opum, those common person, no great things, melancho- cronies of his that stuck by him so long as he lizing in woods where waters are, quiet places had a penny, now leave him, forsake him, by rivers, fountains, whereas the silly man shun him, desert him; they think it much expecting no such matter, thinketh only how to follow his putrid and stinking carcase to best to delectate and refresh his mynde con- the grave; his children, if he had any, for tinually with Natura her pleasaunt scenes, com

ommonly the case stands thus, this poore woods, water-falls, or Art her statelie gar- man his son dies before him, he survives, dens, parks, terraces, Belvideres, on a sudden poore, indigent, base, dejected, miserable, &c., the goddesse herself Truth has appeared, or if he have any which survive him, sua with a shyning lyghte, and a sparklyng negotia agunt, they mind their own business, countenance, so as yee may not be able forsooth, cannot, will not, find time, leisure, lightly to resist her.

inclination, extremum munus perficere, to follow to the pit their old indulgent father, which loved them, stroked them, caressed them, cockering them up, quantum potuit, as

farre as his means extended, while they were This morning, May 2, 1662, having first babes, chits, minims, hee may rot in his broken my fast upon eggs and cooling salades, grave, lie stinking in the sun for them, have mallows, water-cresses, those herbes, accord- no buriall at all, they care not. O nefas ! ing to Vilanovus his prescription, who dis- Chiefly I noted the coffin to have been withallows the use of meat in a morning as gross, out a pall, nothing but a few planks, of fat, hebetant, feral, altogether fitter for wild cheapest wood that could be had, naked, beasts than men, e contra commendeth this having none of the ordinary symptomata of a herb-diete for gentle, humane, active, con- funerall, those locularii which bare the body ducing to contemplation in most men, I be- having on diversely coloured coats, and none took myselfe to the nearest fields. (Being in black: (one of these reported the deceased London I commonly dwell in the suburbes, as to have been an almsman seven yeares, a airiest, quietest, loci musis propriores, free pauper, harboured and fed in the workhouse from noises of caroches, waggons, mechanick of St. Giles-in-the-Fields, to whose proper and base workes, workshoppes, also sights, burying-ground he was now going for interpageants, spectacles of outlandish birds, ment.) All which when I behelde, hardly I fishes, crocodiles, Indians, mermaids ; adde refrained from weeping, and incontinently I quarrels, fightings, wranglings of the com- fell to musing : "If this man had been rich,


a Crosus, a Crassus, or as rich as Whittington, the deceased ; hypocriticall heirs, sobbing, what pompe, charge, lavish cost, expenditure, striking their breasts (they care not if he of rich buriall, ceremoniall-obsequies, obsequious bad died a year ago); so many clients, ceremonies, had been thought too good for dependants, flatterers, parasites, cunning such an one; what store of panegyricks, Gnathoes, tramping on foot after the hearse, elogies, funeral orations, &c., some beggarly all their care is, who shall stand fairest with poetaster, worthy to be beaten for his ill the successour; he mean time (like enough) rimes, crying him up, hee was rich, generous, spurns them from him, spits at them, treads bountiful, polite, learned, a Mæcenas, while them under his foot, will have nought to do as in very deede he was nothing lesse : what with any such cattle. I think him in the weeping, sighing sorrowing, honing, com-right: Hæc sunt majora gravitate Heracliti. plaining, kinsmeu, friends, relatives, four- These follies are enough to give crying Heratieth cousins, poor relatives, lamonting for clitus a fit of the spleene.

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