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No corner of a street is complete without Queis corda et mentem indiderat natura benignam. them. They are as indispensable as the Ad latus interea jacui sopitus herile,
Vel mediis vigil in somnis ; ad herilia jussa Ballad Singer; and in their picturesque Auresque atque animum arrectus, seu frustula amicè attire as ornamental as the signs of old Porrexit sociasque dapes, seu longa diei
Tædia perpessus, reditum sub nocte parabat. London. They were the standing morals,
Hi mores, hæc vita fuit, dum fata sinebant, emblems, mementos, dial-mottos, the spital Dum neque languebam morbis, nec inerte senecta ; sermons, the books for children, the salutary Quæ tandem obrepsit, veterique satellite cæcum
Orbavit dominum: prisci sed gratia facti checks and pauses to the high and rushing Ne tota intereat, longos delecta per annos, tide of greasy citizenry
Exiguum hunc Irus tumulum de cespite fecit,
Etsi inopis, non ingratæ, munuscula dextræ ;
Carmine signavitque brevi, dominumque canemque
Quod memoret, fidumque canem dominumque benignum
Poor Irus' faithful wolf-dog here I lie, Above ail, those old blind Tobits that used That wont to tend my old blind master's steps, to line the wall of Lincoln's-inn Garden,
His guide and guard; nor, while my service lasted,
Had he occasion for that staff, with which before modern fastidiousness had expelled
He now goes picking out his path in fear them, casting up their ruined orbs to catch Over the highways and crossings; but would plant,
Safe in the conduct of my friendly string, a ray of pity, and (if possible) of light, with
A firm foot forward still, till he had reach'd their faithful Dog Guide at their feet, His poor seat on some stone, nigh where the tide whither are they fled ? or into what corners,
Of passers by in thickest confluence flow'd :
To whom with loud and passionate laments blind as themselves, have they been driven, From morn to eve his dark estate he wail'd, out of the wholesome air and sun-warmth ? Nor wail'd to all in vain : some here and there,
The well-disposed and good, their pennies gave. immersed between four walls, in what wither
I meantime at his feet obsequious slept; ing poor-house do they endure the penalty of Not all-asleep in sleep, but heart and ear double darkness, where the chink of the
Prick'd up at his least motion; to receive
At his kind hand my customary crumbs, dropt half-penny no more consoles their for
And common portion in his feast of scraps ; lorn bereavement, far from the sound of the Or when night warn’d us homeward, tired and spent
With our long day and tedious beggary. cheerful and hope-stirring tread of the pas These were my manners, this my way of life senger ? Where hang their useless staves ? Till age and slow disease me overtook, and who will farm their dogs ?—Have the
And sever'd from my sightless master's side.
But lest the grace of so good deeds should die, overseers of St. L- caused them to be shot ?
Through tract of years in mute oblivion lost, or were they tied up in sacks and dropt into This slender tomb of turf hath Irus reared,
Cheap monument of no ungrudging hand, the Thames, at the suggestion of B, the
And with short verse inscribed it, to attest, mild rector of ?
In long and lasting union to attest, Well fare the soul of unfastidious Vincent
The virtues of the Beggar and his Dog. Bourne, most classical, and at the same time, These dim eyes have in vain explored for most English of the Latinists who has some months past a well-known figure, or treated of this human and quadrupedal part of the figure of a man, who used to alliance, this dog and man friendship, in glide his comely upper half over the pavethe sweetest of his poems, the Epitaphium ments of London, wheeling along with most in Canem, or, Dog's Epitaph. Reader, peruse ingenious celerity upon a machine of wood; it; and say, if customary sights, which could a spectacle to natives, to foreigners, and to call up such gentle poetry as this, were of a children. He was of a robust make, with a nature to do more harm or good to the moral florid sailor-like complexion, and his head sense of the passengers through the daily was bare to the storm and sunshine. He thoroughfares of a vast and bu metropolis. was a natural curiosity, a speculation to the
scientific, a prodigy to the simple. The inPauperis hic Iri requiesco Lyciscus, herilis,
fant would stare at the mighty man brought Dum vixi, tutela vigil columenque senectæ, Dux cæco fidus : nec, me ducente, solebat,
down to his own level. The common cripple Prætenso hinc atque hinc baculo, per iniqua locorum would despise his own pusillanimity, viewing Incertam explorare viam ; sed fila secutus,
the hale stoutness, and hearty heart, of this Quæ dubios regerent passus, vestigia tuta Fixit inoffenso gressu ; gelidumque sedile
half-limbed giant. Few but must have In nudo nactus saxo, quâ prætereuntium
noticed him ; for the accident which brought Unda frequens confluxit, ibi miserisque tenebras Lamentis, noctemque oculis ploravit obortam.
him low took place during the riots of 1780, Ploravit nec frustra ; obolum dedit alter et alter, and he has been a groundling so long. He
seemed earth-born, an Antæus, and to suck a House of Commons' Committee—was this,
He not have shamed to have sate down at the
last twenty years to drop his halfpenny duly Was a daily spectacle like this to be into the hat of some blind Bartimeus, that deemed a nuisance, which called for legal in- sate begging alms by the way-side in the terference to remove ? or not rather a salu- Borough. The good old beggar recognised tary and a touching object to the passers- his daily benefactor by the voice only; and, by in a great city ? Among her shows, when he died, left all the amassings of his her museums, and supplies for ever-gaping alms (that had been half a century perhaps curiosity (and what else but an accumula- in the accumulating) to his old Bank friend. tion of sights—endless sights—is a great Was this a story to purse up people's hearts, city; or for what else is it desirable ?) was and pennies, against giving an alms to the there not room for one Lusus (not Naturæ, blind ?-or not rather a beautiful moral of indeed, but) Accidentium? What if in forty- well-directed charity on the one part, and and-two-years' going about, the man had noble gratitude upon the other ? scraped together enough to give a portion to I sometimes wish I had been that Bank his child, (as the rumour ran) of a few hun- clerk. dreds—whom had he injured ?-whom had I seem to remember a poor old grateful he imposed upon ? The contributors had kind of creature, blinking, and looking up enjoyed their sight for their pennies. What with his no eyes in the sunif after being exposed all day to the heats, Is it possible I could have steeled my purse the rains, and the frosts of heaven-shufiling against him ? his ungainly trunk along in an elaborate and Perhaps I had no small change. painful motion-he was enabled to retire at Reader, do not be frightened at the hard night to enjoy himself at a club of his fellow words imposition, imposture-give, and ask cripples over a dish of hot meat and vege- no questions. Cast thy bread upon the waters. tables, as the charge was gravely brought Some have unawares (like this Bank clerk) against him by a clergyman deposing hefore entertained angels.
Shut not thy purse-strings always against not all that he pretendeth, give, and under a painted distress. Act a charity sometimes. personate father of a family, think (if thou When a poor creature (outwardly and visibly pleasest) that thou hast relieved an indigent such) comes before thee, do not stay to in- bachelor. When they come with their counquire whether the “
seven small children,” terfeit looks, and mumping tones, think them in whose name he implores thy assistance, players. You pay your money to see a have a veritable existence. Rake not into comedian feign these things, which, concernthe bowels of unwelcome truth to save a half- ing these poor people, thou canst not cerpenny. It is good to believe him. If he be tainly tell whether they are feigned or not.
A DISSERTATION UPON ROAST PIG.
MANKIND, says a Chinese manuscript, to his father, and wringing his hands over which my friend M. was obliging enough to the smoking remnants of one of those unread and explain to me, for the first seventy timely sufferers, an odour assailed his nostrils, thousand ages ate their meat raw, clawing unlike any scent which he had before exor biting it from the living animal, just as perienced. What could it proceed from ?they do in Abyssinia to this day. This not from the burnt cottage—he had smelt period is not obscurely hinted at by their that smell before—indeed this was by no great Confucius in the second chapter of his means the first accident of the kind which Mundane Mutations, where he designates a had occurred through the negligence of this kind of golden age by the term Cho-fang, unlucky young fire-braud. Much less did it literally the Cooks' Holiday. The manuscript resemble that of any known herb, weed, or goes on to say, that the art of roasting, or flower. A premonitory moistening at the rather broiling (which I take to be the elder same time overflowed his nether lip. He brother) was accidentally discovered in the knew not what to think. He next stooped manner following. The swine-herd, Ho-ti, down to feel the pig, if there were any signs having gone out into the woods one morning, of life in it. He burnt his fingers, and to as his manner was, to collect mast for his cool them he applied them in his booby hogs, left his cottage in the care of his eldest fashion to his mouth. Some of the crumbs son Bo-bo, a great lubberly boy, who being of the scorched skin had come away with his fond of playing with fire, as younkers of his fingers, and for the first time in his life (in age commonly are, let some sparks escape the world's life indeed, for before him no into a bundle of straw, which kindling quickly, man had known it) he tasted—crackling ! spread the conflagration over every part of Again he felt and fumbled at the pig. It their poor mansion, till it was reduced to did not burn him so much now, still he licked ashes. Together with the cottage (a sorry his fingers from a sort of habit. The truth antediluvian make-shift of a building, you at length broke into his slow understanding, may think it), what was of much more im- that it was the pig that smelt so, and the pig portance, a fine litter of new-farrowed pigs, that tasted so delicious; and surrendering po less than nine in number, perished. China himself up to the new-born pleasure, he fell pigs have been esteemed a luxury all over to tearing up whole handfuls of the scorched the East, from the remotest periods that we skin with the flesh next it, and was cramming read of. Bo-bo was in the utmost consterna- it down his throat in his beastly fashion, tion, as you may think, not so much for the when his sire entered amid the smoking sake of the tenement, which his father and rafters, armed with retributory cudgel, and he could easily build up again with a few finding how affairs stood, began to rain blows dry branches, and the labour of an hour or upon the young rogue's shoulders, as thick two, at any time, as for the loss of the pigs. as hail-stones, which Bo-bo heeded not While he was thinking what he should say any more than if they had been flies. The
tickling pleasure, which he experienced in his the sow farrowed, so sure was the house of lower regions, had rendered him quite callous Ho-ti to be in a blaze ; and Ho-ti himself, to any inconveniences he might feel in those which was the more remarkable, instead of remote quarters. His father might lay on, chastising his son, seemed to grow more inbut he could not beat him from his pig, till dulgent to him than ever. At length they he had fairly made an end of it, when, be- were watched, the terrible mystery discoming a little more sensible of his situation, covered, and father and son summoned to something like the following dialogue ensued. take their trial at Pekin, then an inconsider
“You graceless whelp, what have you got able assize town. Evidence was given, the there devouring? Is it not enough that obnoxious food itself produced in court, and you have burnt me down three houses with verdict about to be pronounced, when the your dog's tricks, and be hanged to you ! but foreman of the jury begged that some of the you must be eating fire, and I know not burnt pig, of which the culprits stood what—what have you got there, I say ?” accused, might be handed into the box. He
“O father, the pig, the pig! do come and handled it, and they all handled it; and taste how nice the burnt pig eats.”
burning their fingers, as Bo-bo and his father The ears of Ho-ti tingled with horror. He had done before them, and nature prompting cursed his son, and he cursed himself that to each of them the same remedy, against the ever he should beget a son that should eat face of all the facts, and the clearest charge burnt pig.
which judge had ever given,—to the surprise Bo-bo, whose scent was wonderfully of the whole court, townsfolk, strangers, sharpened since morning, soon raked out reporters, and all present—without leaving another pig, and fairly rending it asunder, the box, or any manner of consultation whatthrust the lesser half by main force into the ever, they brought in a simultaneous verdict fists of Ho-ti, still shouting out, “ Eat, eat, of Not Guilty. eat the burnt pig, father, only taste-0 The judge, who was a shrewd fellow, Lord !”—with such-like barbarous ejacula- winked at the manifest iniquity of the tions, cramming all the while as if he would decision : and when the court was dismissed, choke.
went privily and bought up all the pigs that Ho-ti trembled every joint while he could be had for love or money. In a few grasped the abominable thing, wavering days his lordship's town-house was observed whether he should not put his son to death to be on fire. The thing took wing, and now for an unnatural young monster, when the there was nothing to be seen but fire in crackling scorching his fingers, as it had every direction. Fuel and pigs grew enordone his son's, and applying the same remedy mously dear all over the district. The to them, he in his turn tasted some of its insurance-offices one and all shut up shop. flavour, which, make what sour mouths he People built slighter and slighter every day, would for a pretence, proved not altogether until it was feared that the very science of displeasing to him. In conclusion (for the architecture would in no long time be lost to manuscript here is a little tedious), both the world. Thus this custom of firing houses father and son fairly set down to the mess, continued, till in process of time, says my and never left off till they had despatched all manuscript, a sage arose, like our Locke, who that remained of the litter.
made a discovery that the flesh of swine, Bo-bo was strictly enjoined not to let the or indeed of any other animal, might be secret escape, for the neighbours would cer-cooked (burnt, as they called it) without the tainly have stoned them for a couple of necessity of consuming a whole house to abominable wretches, who could think of dress it. Then first began the rude form of improving upon the good meat which God a gridiron. Roasting by the string or spit had sent them. Nevertheless, strange stories came in a century or two later, I forget in got about.
It was observed that Ho-ti's whose dynasty. By such slow degrees, concottage was burnt down now more frequently cludes the manuscript, do the most useful, than ever. Nothing but fires from this time and seemingly the most obvious, arts make forward. Some would break out in broad their way among mankindday, others in the night-time. As often as Without placing too implicit faith in the
1 account above given, it must be agreed that of filthy conversation from these sins he is if a worthy pretext for so dangerous an expe- happily snatched awayriment as setting houses on fire (especially
Ere sin could blight or sorrow fade, in these days) could be assigned in favour of Death came with timely careany culinary object, that pretext and excuse might be found in ROAST PIG.
his memory is odoriferous--no clown curseth, Of all the delicacies in the whole mundus while his stomach half rejecteth, the rank edibilis, I will maintain it to be the most bacon-no coalheaver bolteth him in reeking delicate-princeps obsoniorum.
sausages—he hath a fair sepulchre in the I speak not of your grown porkers— grateful stomach of the judicious epicurethings between pig and pork—those hobby- and for such a tomb might be content to die. dehoys—but a young and tender suckling
He is the best of sapors. Pine-apple is under a moon old-guiltless as yet of the sty great. She is indeed almost too transcend-with no original speck of the amor immun- ent—a delight, if not sinful, yet so like to ditiæ, the hereditary failing of the first sinning that really a tender-conscienced parent, yet manifest—his voice as yet not person would do well to pause—too ravishing broken, but something between a childish for mortal taste, she woundeth and excotreble and a grumble—the mild forerunner riateth the lips that approach her-like or præludium of a grunt.
lovers' kisses, she biteth-she is a pleasure He must be roasted. I am not ignorant that bordering on pain from the fierceness and our ancestors ate them seethed, or boiled — insanity of her relish—but she stoppeth at but what a sacrifice of the exterior tegument ! the palate—she meddleth not with the appe
There is no flavour comparable, I will tite—and the coarsest hunger might barter contend, to that of the crisp, tawny, well- her consistently for a mutton-chop. watched, not over-roasted, crackling, as it is Pig-let me speak his praise—is no less well called—the very teeth are invited to their provocative of the appetite, than he is satisshare of the pleasure at this banquet in over- factory to the criticalness of the censorious coming the coy, brittle resistance-with the palate. The strong man may batten on him, adhesive oleaginous—O call it not fat! but and the weakling refuseth not his mild juices. an indefinable sweetness growing up to it, Unlike to mankind's mixed characters, a the tender blossoming of fat--fat cropped in bundle of virtues and vices, inexplicably the bud-taken in the shoot-in the first intertwisted, and not to be unravelled withinnocence—the cream and quintessence of out hazard, he is—good throughout. No the child-pig's yet pure food -the lean, no part of him is better or worse than another. lean, but a kind of animal manna-or, He helpeth, as far as his little means extend, rather, fat and lean (if it must be so) so all around. He is the least envious of banblended and running into each other, that quets. He is all neighbours' fare. both together make but one ambrosian I am one of those, who freely and unresult or common substance.
grudgingly impart a share of the good things Behold him, while he is “ doing it of this life which fall to their lot (few as seemeth rather a refreshing warmth, than a mine are in this kind) to a friend. I protest scorching heat, that he is so passive to. How I take as great an interest in my friend's equably he twirleth round the string !—Now pleasures, his relishes, and proper satishe is just done. To see the extreme sensibi- factions, as in mine own. Presents," I lity of that tender age ! he hath wept out often say,
Absents." Hares, his pretty eyes—radiant jellies-shooting pheasants, partridges, suipes, barn-door stars,
chickens (those“ tame villatic fowl,”) capons, See him in the dish, his second cradle, how plovers, brawn, barrels of oysters, I dispense meek he lieth !-wouldst thou have had this as freely as I receive them. I love to taste innocent grow up to the grossness and indo-them, as it were, upon the tongue of my cility which too often accompany maturer friend. But a stop must be put somewhere. swinehood ? Ten to one he would have One would not, like Lear, "give everything.” proved a glutton, a sloven, an obstinate, dis- I make my stand upon pig. Methinks it is agreeable animal-wallowing in ail manner an ingratitude to the Giver of all good flavours