BRILLIANT's letter.] Read that, and judge if I Sir Bash. Upon my word, Mr Lovemore, this is carrying the jest too far. Love. It is the basest action a gentleman can be guilty of; and, to a person who never injured him, still more criminal. Sir Bash. Why, so I think. Sir Brilliant, [To him, aside. here, take this letter, and read it to him-his own letter to my wife. Sir Bril. Let me see it [Takes the letter. Sir Bash. 'Tis indeed, as you say, the vilest action a gentleman can be guilty of. Love. An unparalleled breach of friendship. Sir Bril. Not altogether so unparalleled: I believe it will not be found without a precedentas, for example: [Reads. To my LADY CONSTANTWhy should I conceal, my dear madam, that your charins have awakened my tenderest passion?' Love. Confusion !—my letter- [Aside. Sir Bril. [Reading] I long have loved you, long adored. Could I but flatter myself'[LOVEMORE walks about uneasy; SIR BRILLIANT follows him.] Sir Bash. There, Mr Lovemore, the basest treachery! Mrs Bel. My lord, my lord Etheridge; I am heartily glad to see your lordship. [Taking hold of him. Mrs Love. Do, my dear, let me introduce this lady to you. Love. Here's the devil and all to do! [Aside. Mrs Bell. My lord, this is the most fortunate encounter. Love. I wish I was fifty miles off.- [Aside. Mrs Love. Mrs Bellmour, give me leave to introduce Mr Lovemore to you. [Turning him to her. Mrs Bell. No, my dear madam, let me introduce lord Etheridge to you. [Pulling him.] My lord— this? up. Sir Bril. In the name of wonder, what is all Mrs Love. My dear madam, you are mistaken: this is my husband. Mrs Bell. Pardon me, madam; 'tis my lord Etheridge. Mrs Love. My dear, how can you be so illbred in your own house?-Mrs Belimour-this is Mr Lovemore. Love. Are you going to toss me in a blanket, madam?-call up the rest of your people, if you Sir Bril. [Reads.] 'Could I but flatter myself are. with the least kind return.' Love. Confusion! let me seize the letter out of his hand. [Snatches it from him. Sir Bash. An unparalleled breach of friendship, Mr Lovemore. Love. All a forgery, sir; all a forgery. Sir Bash. That I deny; it is the very identical letter my lady threw away with such indignation. She tore it in two, and I have pieced it together. Love. A mere contrivance to varnish his guilt. Sir Bril. Ha, ha! my dear Lovemore, we know one another. Have not you been at the same work with the widow Bellinour? Love. The widow Bellmour!-If I spoke to her, it was to serve you, sir. Sir Bril. Are you sure of that? Love. Po! I won't stay a moment longer among ye. I'll go into another room to avoid ye all. I know little or nothing of the widow Bellmour, sir. [Opens the door. Enter MRS Bellmour. Hell and destruction!--what fiend is conjured up here? Zoons! let me make my escape out of the house. [Runs to the opposite door. Mrs Love. I'll secure this pass: you must not go, my dear. Mrs Bell. Pshaw! prithee now, my lord, leave off your humours. Mrs Lovemore, this is my lord Etheridge, a lover of mine, who has made proposals of marriage to me. Love. Confusion! let me get rid of these two furies. [Breaks away from them. Sir Bash. He has been tampering with her, too, has he? Mrs Bell. [Follows him.] My lord, I say! my Lord Etheridge! won't your lordship know me? Love. This is the most damnable accident! [Aside. Mrs Bell. I hope your lordship has not forgot your appointment at my house this evening? Love. I deserve all this. [Aside. Mrs Bell. Pray, my lord, what have I done, that you treat me with this coldness? Come, come, you shall have a wife: I will take compassion on you. Love. Damnation! I can't stand it. [Aside. Sir Bash. Murder will out: murder will out. Mrs Bel. Come, cheer up, my lord: what the deuce, your dress is altered! what's become of the star and ribband? And so the gay, the florid, the magnifique lord Etheridge, dwindles down into plain Mr Lovemore, the marr?ed man! Mr Lovemore, your most obedient, very humble servant, Love. I can't bear to feel myself in so ridiculous a circumstance. [Aside. Sir Bush. He has been passing himself for a lord, has he? Mrs Bell. I beg my compliments to your friend Mrs Loveit: I am much obliged to you both for your very honourable designs. [Curtseying to him. Love. I was never so ashamed in all my life! Sir Bril. So, so, so, all his pains were to hide the star from me. This discovery is a perfect cordial to my dejected spirits. Mrs Bel. Mrs Lovemore, I cannot sufficiently acknowledge the providence that directed you to pay me a visit, though I was wholly unknown to you; and I shall henceforth consider you as my deliverer. Love. So it was she that fainted away in the closet, and be damned to her jealousy! [Aside. Sir Bril. By all that's whimsical, an odd sort of an adventure this! My lord, [Advances to him.] my lord, my lord Etheridge, as the man says in the play, "Your lordship is right welcome back to Denmark.' Love. Now he comes upon me.-Oh! I'm in a fine situation! [Aside. Sir Bril. My lord, I hope that ugly pain in your lordship's side is abated. Love. Absurd, and ridiculous. [Aside. Sir Bril. There is nothing forming there, I hope, my lord? sir. Love. I shall come to an explanation with you, Sir Bril. So, so, so! he has been in love with his own wife all this time, has he? Sir Bashful, will you go and see the new comedy with me! Sir Bash. I shall blush through the world all the rest of my life. [Aside. Sir Bril. Lovemore, don't you think it a base thing to invade the happiness of a friend? or to do him a clandestine wrong? or to injure him with the woman he loves? Love. To cut the matter short with you, sir, we have been traitors to each other; a couple of unprincipled, unreflecting profligates. Sir Bril. Profligates? Mrs Bell. I am glad to find you are awakened to a sense of your error. Love. I am, madam; and frank enough to own it. I am above attempting to disguise my feel Mrs Bell. Never talk of pity; let him beings, when I am conscious they are on the side of probed to the quick. Sir Bash. The case is pretty plain, I think, now, sir Brilliant? Sir Bril. Pretty plain, upon my soul! Ha, ha! truth and honour. With the sincerest remorse, I ask your pardon. I should ask pardon of my lady Constant, too; but the fact is, sir Bashful threw the whole affair in my way; and, when a husband will be ashamed of loving a valuable woman, he must not be surprised, if other people take her case into consideration, and love her for him. Sir Bril. Why, faith, that does, in some sort, make his apology. Sir Bash. Sir Bashful! sir Bashful! thou art ruined. Aside. Mrs Bell. Well, sir, upon certain terms, I don't know but I may sign and seal your pardon. Love. Terms! What terms? Mrs Bell. That you make due expiation of your guilt to that lady. [Pointing to MRS LOVE. Love. That lady, madam! That lady has no reason to complain. Mrs Love. No reason to complain, Mr Lovemore? Love. No, madam, none; for, whatever may have been my imprudencies, they have had their source in your conduct. Mrs Love. In my conduct, sir? Love. In your conduct:-I here declare before this company, and I am above misrepresenting the matter; I here declare, that no man in England could be better inclined to domestic happiness, if you, madam, on your part, had been willing to make home agreeable. Sir Bash. Give me your hand. I now forgive you all. My lady Constant, I own the letter; I own the sentiments of it [Embraces her.]; and, from this moment, I take you to my heart.Lovemore, zookers! you have made a man of me. Sir Brilliant, come; produce the buckles. Lady Con. If you hold in this humour, sir restitution here [Gives LADY CONSTANT the buckles. Sir Bash. Ay, ay; make restitution. Lovemore! this is the consequence of his having some tolerable phrase, and a person, Mr Lovemore! ha, ha! Sir Bril. Why, I own the laugh is against me. With all my heart; I am glad to see my friends happy at last. Lovemore, may I presume to hope for pardon at that lady's hands? [Points to MRS LOVEMORE. Love. My dear confederate in vice, your pardon is granted. Two sad libertines we have been. But come, give us your hand: we have used each other scurvily for the future, we will endeavour to atone for the errors of our past misconduct. : Mrs Love. There, I confess, he touches me. [Aside. Love. You could take pains enough before marriage; you could put forth all your charms; practise all your arts, and make your features please by rule; for ever changing; running an eternal round of variety; and all this to win my affections: but when you had won them, you did not think them worth your keeping; never dressed, pensive, silent, melancholy; and the only entertainment in my house, was the dear pleasure of a dull conjugal fête-à-téte; and all this insipidity, Love. And now, I congratulate the whole combecause you think the sole merit of a wife con- pany, that this business has had so happy a tensists in her virtue: a fine way of amusing a hus-dency to convince each of us of our folly. band, truly! Sir Bril. Upon my soul, and so it is[Laughing. Mrs Love. Sir, I must own there is too much truth in what you say. This lady has opened my eyes, and convinced me there was a mistake in my former conduct. Love. Come, come; you need say no morc. forgive you; I forgive. I Mrs Love. Forgive! I like that air of confidence, when you know that, on my side, it is, at worst, an error in judgment; whereas, on yours Mrs Bell. Po po! never stand disputing: you know each other's faults and virtues; you have nothing to do but to mend the former, and enjoy the latter. There, there; kiss and friends. There, Mrs Lovemore, take your reclaimed libertine to your arms. Love. 'Tis in your power, madam, to make a reclaimed libertine of me indeed. VOL. II. Sir Bril. Agreed; we will, henceforward, behave like men, who have not forgot the obligations of truth and honour. Mrs Bell. Pray, sir, don't draw me into a share of your folly. Love. Come, come, my dear madam, you are not without your share of it. This will teach you, for the future, to be content with one lover at a time, without listening to a fellow you know nothing of, because he assumes a title, and spreads a fair report of himself. Mrs Bell. The reproof is just; I grant it. Love. Come, let us join the company cheerfully, keep our own secrets, and not make ourselves the town-talk. Sir Bash. Ay, ay; let us keep the secret. Love. When your conduct is fair and upright, never be afraid of ridicule. Real honour, and generous affection, may bid defiance to all the small wits in the kingdom. In my opinion, were 5 B the business of this day to go abroad into the world, it might prove a very useful lesson: the men would see how their passions may carry them into the danger of wounding the bosom of a friend and the ladies would learn, that, after the marriage rites are performed, they ought not to suffer their powers of pleasing to languish away, but should still remember to sacrifice to the graces. To win a man, when all your pains succeed, The WAY TO KEEP HIM, is a task indeed. [Exeunt omnes. A. ODLE Sir John. Robert, I will never live in a house honour. again that has two doors to it. Rob. Sir! Sir John. I will give warning to my landlord instantly. The eyes of Argus are not sufficient to watch the motions of a wife, where there is a street-door, and a back-door, to favour her escapes. Rob. Upon my word, sir, I wish-you will pardon my boldness, sir-I wish you would shake off this uneasiness that preys upon your spirits. It grieves me to the heart-it does, indeed, sir, to Sir John. Robert, I have considered you as a friend in my house: don't you betray me, too: don't attempt to justify her. Rob. Dear sir, if you will but give me leave: you have been an indulgent master to me, and I am only concerned for your welfare. You married my lady for love, and I have heard you so warm in her praise: why will you go back from those sentiments? Sir John. Yes, I married her for love-Oh! love! love! what mischief dost thou not occa |