ACT
АСТ. І.

SCENE I.

Lady Sneerwell's House.

Lady Sneerwell and Snake discovered at a tea table.

L. Sneer. The paragraphs, you say, Mr. Snake, were

all inserted.

Snake. They were, madam; and as I copied them myself in a feigned hand, there can be no suspicion from whence they came.

L. Sneer. Did you circulate the report of Lady Brittle's intrigue with Captain Boastall?

Snake. That's in as fine a train as your ladyship could wish. In the common course of things, I think it must reach Mrs. Clacket's ears within twenty-four hours, and then the business, you know, is as good as done.

L. Sneer. Why yes, Mrs. Clacket has talents, and a good deal of industry.

Snake. True, madam, and has been tolerably successful in her day. To my knowledge she has been the cause of six matches being broken off, and three sons disinherited; of four forced elopements, as many close confinements, nine separate maintenances, and two divorces; nay, I have more than once traced her causing a tête-à-tête in the Town and Country Magazine *), when the parties never saw one another before in their lives.

L. Sneer. Why yes, she has genius, but her manner is too gross..

Snake. True, madam; she has a fine tongue, and a bold invention, but then, her colouring is too dark, and the outli nes rather too extravagant; she wants that delicacy of hint,

*) Um das Beifsende in dieser Stelle zu verstehen, muss man wissen, dass sich vor jedem Stück des genannten Magazine ein Frontispiz befindet, auf welchem die sehr ähnlichen Bildnisse irgend eines bekannten Mannes und seiner Mätresse befindlich sind. Das Frontispiz ist hier unter tête-à-tête gemeint. Mrs. Clacket nun war oft, wie es im Texte heifst, Veranlassung gewesen, dafs zwei Personen, die einander gar nicht kannten, also abgebildet wurden.

and mellowness of sneer, which distinguishes your ladyship's scandal.

L. Sneer., You are partial, Snake.

Snake. Not in the least; every body will allow that Lady Sneerwell can do more with a word or look, than many others with the most laboured detail, even though they accidentally happen to have little truth on their side to support it.

L. Sneer. Yes, my dear Snake, and I'll not deny the pleasure I feel at the success of my schemes. [both rise} Wounded myself, in the early part of my life, by the envenomed tongue of slander, I confess nothing can give me grea"ter satisfaction, than reducing others to the level of my own injured reputation.

Snake. True, madam; but there is one affair, in which you have lately employed me, wherein, I confess, I am at a loss to guess your motives.

L. Sneer. I presume you mean with regard to my friend Sir Peter Teazle, and his family.

Snake. I do; here are two young men, to whom Sir Peter has acted as guardian since their father's death; the eldest possessing the most amiable character, and universally well spoken of; the youngest the most dissipated, wild, extravagant young fellow in the world; the former an avowed admirer of your ladyship, and apparently your favourite; the latter attached to Maria, Sir Peter's ward, and confessedly admired by her. Now, on the face of these circumstances, it is utterly unaccountable to me, why you, the widow of a city knight. with a large fortune, should not immediately close with the passion of a man of such character and expectation as Mr. Surface; and more so, why you are so uncommonly earnest to destroy the mutual attachment subsisting between his brother Charles and Maria.

L. Sneer. Then at once, to unravel this mystery, I must inform you that love has no share whatever in the intercourse between Mr. Surface and me.

L. Sneer. No: his real views are to Maria, or her fortune, while in his brother he finds a favoured rival; he is therefore obliged to mask his real intentions, and profit by my assistance.

Snake. Yet still I am more puzzled why you should interest yourself for his success.

L. Sneer, Heavens! how dull you are! Can't you surmise a weakness I have hitherto, through shame, concealed even from you? Must I confess it, that Charles, that profligate, that libertine, that bankrupt in fortune and reputation, that hé it is for whom I am thus anxious and malicious, and to gain whom I would sacrifice every thing.

Snake. Now, indeed your conduct appears consistent; but pray, how came you and Mr. Surface so confidential?

L. Sneer. For our mutual interest; he pretends to, and recommends, sentiment and liberality; but I know him to be artful, close and malicious: In short, a sentimental knave; while with Sir Peter, and indeed with most of his acquaintance, he passes for a youthful miracle of virtue, good sense, and benevolence.

Snake. Yes, I know Sir Peter vows he has not his fellow in England, and has praised him as a man of character and sentiment.

L. Sneer. Yes; and with the appearance of being sentimental, he has brought Sir Peter to favour his addresses to Maria, while poor Charles has no friend in the house, though I fear he has a powerful one in Maria's heart, against whom we must direct our schemes.

Enter Servant.

Serv. Mr. Surface, madam.

L. Sneer. Shew him up; [exit servant] he generally calls about this hour me for a lover.

I don't wonder at people's giving him to

Enter Joseph Surface.

Jos. Lady Sneerwell, good morning to you your most obedient.

L. Sneer. Snake has just been rallying me upon our attachment, but I have told him our real views; I need not tell you how useful he has been to us, and believe me, our confidence has not been ill placed. ⠀

Jos. Oh, madam, 'tis impossible for me to suspect a man of Mr. Snake's merit and accomplishments.

L. Sneer. Oh, no compliments; but tell me when you saw Maria, or, what's more material to us, your brother.

Jos. I have not seen either since I left you, but I can tell you they never met; some of your stories have had a good ef fect in that quarter.

L. Sneer. The merit of this, my dear-Snake, belongs to you; but do your brother's distresses increase?.

Jos. Every hour. I am told he had another execution in
In short, his dissipation and extrava-

his house yesterday.

gance *) exceed any thing I ever heard.

L. Sneer. Poor Charles!

Jos. Ay, poor Charles indeed, notwithstanding his extravagance one cannot help pitying him. I wish it was in my power to be of any essential service to. him; for the man who does not feel for the distresses of a brother, even though merited by his own misconduct, deserves to be

-

L Sneer. Now you are going to be moral, and forget you are among friends.

Jos. 'Gad **), so I was, ha! ha! I'll keep that sentiment 'till I see Sir Peter, ha! ha! however, it would certainly be a generous act in you to rescue Maria from such a libertine, who, if he is to be reclaimed at all, can only be so by person of your superior accomplishments and understanding. Snake. I believe, Lady Sncerwell, here's company coming; I'll go and copy the letter I mentioned to your ladyship. Mr. Surface your most obedient. [Exit.]

a

Jos. Mr. Snake, your most obedient. I wonder, Lady Sneerwell, you would put any confidence in that fellow. L. Sneer. Why so?

Jos. I have discovered he has of late had several conferences with old Rowley, who was formerly my father's steward; he has never, you know, been a friend of mine.

L. Sneer. And do you think he would betray us?

Jos. Not unlikely; and take my word for it, Lady Sneerwell, that fellow has not virtue enough te be faithful to his own villanies.

Enter Maria.

L. Sneer. Ah, Maria, my dear, how do you do? What's the matter?.

*) Extravagance bezeichnet eigentlich einen grössern Aufwand, als sich zu den Einkünften oder zu unserm Stande schickt ; desgleichen: Luxus. Dissipation (in dieser Verbindung wol gleichbedeutend mit waste) ist, wenn man den Überflufs muthwillig durchbringt.

**) Gad, oder egad, oder 'gad, sind gemeine Betheurungswörter, die aus before god entstanden sind.

Mar. Nothing, madam; only this odious lover of mine, Sir Benjamin Backbite, and his uncle Crabtree, just called in at my guardian's; but I took the first opportunity to slip out, and run away to your ladyship.

L. Sneer. Is that all?

Jos. Had my brother Charles been of the party, you would not have been so much alarmed.

'L. Sneer. Nay, now you are too severe; for I dare say the truth of the matter is, Maria heard you was here, and therefore came; but pray, Maria, what particular' objection have you to Sir Benjamin, that you avoid him so?

Mar. Oh, madam, he has done nothing; but his whole conversation is a perpetual libel upon all his acquaintance.

Jos. Yes, and the worst of it is, there is no advantage in not knowing him, for he would abuse a stranger as soon as his best friend, and his uncle is as bad.

Mar. For my part, I own wit loses its respect with me, when I see it in company with malice, what think you,

Mr. Surface?

Jos. To be sure, madam,

to smile at a jest, that plants a thorn in the breast of another, is to become a principal in the mischief.

L. Sneer. Pshaw *) there is no possibility of being witty without a little ill nature; the malice in a good thing is the barb that makes it stick. What is your real opinion,

M. Surface?

Jos. Why, my opinion is, that were the spirit of raillery suppressed, the conversation must be naturally insipid.

Mar. Well, I will not argue how far slander may be allowed; but in a mañ, I am sure it is despicable. We have pride, envy, rivalship, and a thousand motives to depreciate each other; but the male slanderer must have the cowardice of a woman before he can traduce one.

Enter Servant.

Serv. Mrs. Candour, madam, if you are at leisure, will leave her carriage.

L. Sneer. Desire her to walk up. [Exit Serv.] Now, Maria, here's a character to your taste; though Mrs. Candour

*) Psha oder pshaw; druckt eine Missbilligung, doch ohne

Unwillen aus.