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Sleeping or waking ? mad, or well advis'd ?
Dro. S. Nor to-day here you must not; conue Known unto these, and to myself disguis’d !
again, when you may. I'll say as they say, and persever so,
Ant. E. What art thou, that keep'st me out from And in this mist at all adventures go.
the house I owe ? Dro. S. Master, shall I be porter at the gate ? Dro. S. The porter for this time, sir, and iny Adr. Aye; and let none enter, lest I break your
name is Dromio. pate.
Dro. E. O villain, thou hast stolen both mine Luc. Come, come, Antipholus, we dine too late.
office and my name; (Exeunt. The one ne'er got me credit, the other mickle biame.
If thou had'st been Dromio to-day in my place,
Thou would'st have chang'd thy face for a name, or ACT III.
thy name for an ass. SCENE I. - The same.
Luce. [Within.1 What a coil is there! Dromio,
who are those at the gate ? Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus, DROM10 of Ephesus,
Dro. E. Let my master in, Luce.
Faith no; he comes too late ; Ant. E. Good signior Angelo, you must excuse And so tell your master.
O Lord, I must laugh ;My wife is shrewish, when I keep not hours : Have at you with a proverb - Shall I set in my staff? Say, that I linger'd with you at your shop,
Luce. Have at you with another: that's To see the making of her carkanet,
When ? can you tell ? And that to-morrow you will bring it home.
Dro. S. If thy name be called Luce, Luce, thou But here's a villain, that would face me down
hast answer'd him well. He met me on the mart; and that I beat him, Ant. E. Do you hear, you minion ?-you'll let us And charg'd him with a thousand marks in gold;
in, I hope ? And that I did deny my wife and house :
Luce. I thought to have ask'd you. Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this ? Dro. S.
And you said, no Dro. E. Say what you will, sir, but I know what I
Dro. E. So, come, help; well struck ;-there was know:
blow for blow. That you beat me at the mart, I have your hand to Ant. E. Thou baggage, let me in. If the skin were parchment, and the blows you gave Luce.
Can you tell for whose sake ? were ink,
Dro. E Master, knock the door hard. Your own handwriting would tell you what I think. Luce.
Let him knock till it ache Ant. E. I think, thou art an ass.
Ant. E You'll cry for this, minion, if I beat the Dro. E. Marry, so it doth appear
door down. By the wrongs I suffer, and the blows I bear.
Luce. What needs all that, and a pair of stocks I should kick, being kick'd; and, being at that pass,
in the town ? You would keep from my heels, and beware of an ass. Adr. (Within.] Who is that at the door, . that Ant. E. You are sad, signior Balthazar: 'Pray keeps all this noise ? God, our cheer
[here. Dro. S. By my troth, your town is troubled with May answer my good will, and your good welcome
unruly boys. Bal. I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your wel. Ant. E. Are you there, wife? You might have come dear.
(door. Ant. E. O, signior Balthazar, either at flesh or fish, Adr. Your wife, sir knave! go, get you from the A table full of welcome makes scarce one dainty dish. Dro. E. If you went in pain, master, this knave Bal. Good meat, sir, is common; that every churl
would go sore. affords.
Ang. Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome Ant. E. And welcome more common; for that's
we would fain have either. nothing but words.
(merry feast. Bal. In debating which was best, we shall part Bal Small cheer, and great welcome, makes a
with neither. Ant. E Ay, to a niggardly host, and more spar- Dro. E. They stand at the door, master; bid thein ing guest.
welcome hither. But though my cates be mean, take them in good Ant. E. There is something in the wind, that we Better cheer may you have, but not with better heart.
cannot get in. But, soft; my door is lock’d: Go bid them let us in. Dro. E. You would say so, master, if your garDro. E. Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cicely, Gillian,
ments were thin.
(the cold: Jen'!
Your cake here is warm within; you stand here in Dro. S. [Within.] Mome, malt-horse, capon, cox. It would make a man mad as a buck, to be so comb, idiot, patch!
bought and sold. Either get thee from the door, or sit down at the Ant. E. Go, fetch me something; I'll break ope Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call'st for Dro. S. Break any breaking here, and I'll break such store.
knave's pate. When one is one too many? Go, get thee from the Dro. E. A man may break a word with you, sir: Dro. E. What patch is made our porter? My
And words are but wind; [behind. master stays in the street.
Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not Dro. S. Let him walk from whence he came, lest Dro. S. It seems thou wantest breaking. Out he catch cold on's feet.
upon thee, hind! Ant. E. Who talks within there? ho, open the door. Dro. E. Here's too much, out upon thee! I pray Dro. S. Right, sir, I'll tell you when, an you'll
thee, let me in. tell me wherefore.
Dro. S. Ay, when fowls have no feathers, and Ant. E. Wherefore? for my dinner: I have no!
fish have no fin. din'd to-day
Ant E. Well, I'll break in; go borrow ine a crow
(the gate. you so ?
Dro. E. A crow without a feather ; master, mean Alas, poor women! make us but believe,
(feather! Being compact of credit, that you love us; For a fish without a fin, there's a fowl without a Though others have the arm, show us the sleeve; If a crow help us in, sirrah, we'll pluck a crow to. We in your motion turn, and you may move us, gether.
Then, gentle brother, get you in again; Ant. E. Go, get thee gone; fetch me an iron crow. Comfort my sister, cheer her, call her wife;
Bal. Have patience, sir; 0, let it not be so; 'Tis holy sport to be a little vain, Herein you war against your reputation,
When the sweet breath of flattery conquers strife And draw within the compass of suspect
Ant. S. Sweet mistress (what your name is else, I The unviolated honour of your wife. Once this,-Your long experience of her wisdom, Nor by what wonder you do hit on mine,) Her sober virtue, years, and modesty,
Less, in your knowledge and your grace, you show Plead on her part some cause to you unknown;
not, And doubt not, sir, but she will well excuse
Than our earth's wonder; more than earth divine. Why at this time the doors are made against you. Teach me, dear creature, how to think and speak; Be rul'd by me; depart in patience,
Lay open to my earthly gross conceit, And let us to the Tiger all to dinner :
Smother'd in errors, feeble, shallow, weak, And, about evening, come yourself alone,
The folded meaning of your words' deceit. To know the reason of this strange restraint. Against my soul's pure truth why labour you, If by strong hand you offer to break in,
To make it wander in an unknown field? Now in the stirring passage of the day,
Are you a god ? would you create me new? A vulgar comment will be made on it;
Transform ine then, and to your power I'll yield. And that supposed by the common rout
But if that I am I, then well I know, Against your yet ungalled estimation,
Your weeping sister is po wife of mine,
Nor to her bed no homage do I owe;
O train me not, sweet mermaid, with thy note,
To drown me in thy sister's flood of tears ; Ant. E. You have prevaild; I will depart in quiet, Sing, syren, for thyself
, and I will dote: And, in despite of mirth, mean to be merry.
Spread o'er the silver waves thy golden hairs, I know a wench of excellent discourse,
And as a bed I'll take thee, and there lie; Pretty and witty; wild, and, yet too, gentle ;- And, in that glorious supposition, think There will we dine: this woman that I mean, He gains by death, that hath such means to die :My wife (but, I protest, without desert,)
Let love, being light, be drowned if she sink ! Hath oftentimes upbraided me withal;
Luc. What, are you mad, that you do reason so ? To her will we to dinner.-Get you home,
Ant. S. Not mad, but mated; how, I do not know. And fetch the chain : by this, I know, 'tis made : Luc. It is a fault that springeth from your eye. Bring it, I pray you, to the Porcupine;
Ant. S. For gazing on your beams, fair sun, being For there's the house; that chain will í bestow
by. (Re it for nothing but to spite my wife),
Luc. Gaze where you should, and that will clear Upon mine hostess there: good sir, make haste:
(night. Since mine own doors refuse to entertain me,
Ant. S. As good to wink, sweet love, as look on I'll knock elsewhere, to see if they'll disdain me. Luc. Why call you me love ? call my sister so.
Ang. I'll meet you at that place, some hour hence. Ant. S. Thy sister's sister.
That's my sister.
Mine eye's clear eye, my dear heart's dearer heart;
My food, my fortune, and my sweet hope's aim, Enter LUCIANA and ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse. My sole earth's heaven, and my heaven's claim. Luc. And may it be that you have quite forgot Luc. All this my sister is, or else should be.
A husband's office ? Shall, Antipholus, hate ? Ant. S. Call thyself sister, sweet, for I aim thee: Even in the spring of love, thy love-springs rot?
Thee will I love, and with thee lead my life, Shall love, in building, grow so ruinate ?
Thou hast no husband yet, nor I no wife : If you did wed my sister for her wealth,
Give me thy hand. T'hen, for her wealth's sake, use her with more Luc.
O, soft, sir, hold you still; kindness :
I'll fetch my sister, to get her good will' (Exit Luc.
DROMO of Syracuse.
Ant. S. Why, how now, Dromio, where run'st Look sweet, speak fair, become disloyalty ;
thou so fast? Apparel vice like virtue's harbinger:
Dro. $. Do you know me, sir? am I Dromio ? Bear a fair presence, though your heart be tainted; am I your man? am I myself? Teach sin the carriage of a holy saint;
Ant. S. Thou art Dromio; thou art my man ; Be secret-false. What need she be acquainted ? thou art thyself.
What simple thief brags of his own attaint ? Dro. S. I am an ass; I am a woman's man, and T'is double wrong, to truant with your bed,
besides myself And let her read it in thy looks at board :
Ant. S. What woman's man? and how besides Shame hath a bastard fame, well managed ;
thyself ? III deeds are doublod with an evil word.
Dio $. Marry, sir, besides myself, I am due to a
it for you.
woman ; one that claims me, one that haunts m?, If any bark put forth, come to the mart, one that will have me.
Where I will walk, till thou return to me. Ant. S. What claim lays she to thee ?
If every one know us, and we know none, Dro. S Marry, sir, such claim as you would lay 'Tis time, I think, to trudge, pack, and be gone to your horse; and she would have me as a beast: Dro. S. As from a bear a man would run for life, not that, I. seing a beast, she would have me; but So fly I from her that would be my wife. |Erit. that she, being a very beastly creature, lays claim Ant. S. There's none but witches do inhabit here: to me.
And therefore 'tis high time that I were hence. Ant, S. What is she?
She, that doth call me husband, even my soul Dro. S. A very reverend body; ay, such a one as Doth for a wife abhor: but her fair sister, a man may not speak of, without he say, sir-reve- Possess'd with such a gentle sovereign grace rence: I have but lean luck in the match, and yet is of such enchanting presence and discourse she a wondrous fat marriage.
Hath almost made me traitor to myself: Ant. S. How dost thou mean, a fat marriage ? But, leat myself be guilty to self-wrong,
Dro. S. Marry, sir, she's the kitchen-wench, and I'll stop mine ears against the mermaid's song all grease; and I know not what use to put her to,
Enter ANGELO. but to make a lamp of her, and run from her by her own light. I warrant her rags, and the tallow in Ang. Master Antipholus ? them, will burn a Poland winter :- if she lives till Ant. S. Ay, that's my name. doomsday, she'll burn a week longer than the whole Ang. I know it well, sir. Lo, here is the chain world.
I thought to have ta'en you at the Porcupine: Ant. S. What complexion is she of ?
The chain unfinish'd made me stay thus long. Dro. S. Swart, like my shoe, but her face nothing Ant. S. What is your will that I shall do with like so clean kept. For why? She sweats—a man
this? may go over shoes in the grime.of it.
Ang. What please yourself, sir; I have made Ant. S. That's a fault that water will mend.
Dro. S. No, sir, 'tis in grain ; Noah's flood could Ant. S. Made it for me, sir! I bespoke it not. not do it.
Ang. Not once, nor twice, but twenty times you Ant. S. What's her name?
have: Dro. S. Nell, sir;—but her name and three quar- Go home with it, and please your wife withal; ters, that is an ell and three quarters, will not mea- And soon at supper-time I'll visit you, sure her from hip to hip.
And then receive my money for the chain. Ant. S. Then she bears some breadth ?
Ant. S. I pray you, sir, receive the money now, Dro. S. No longer from head to foot, than from For fear you ne'er see chain, nor money more. hip to hip: she is spherical, like a globe; I could Ang. You are a merry man, sir; fare you well. find out countries in her.
[Erit. Ant. S. In what part of her body stands Ireland ?
Ant. S. What I should think of this, I cannot Dro S. Marry, sir, in her buttocks; I found it
tell : out by the bogs.
But this I think, there's no man is so vain, Ant. S. Where Scotland ?
That would refuse so fair an offer'd chain. Dro S. I found it by the barrenness; hard, in the I see, a man here needs not live by shifts, palm of the hand.
When in the streets he meets such golden gifts. Ant. S. Where France ?
I'll to the mart, and there for Dromio stay; Dro. S. In her forehead; armed and reverted, If any ship put out, then straight away. [Exit. making war against her hair.
Ant. S. Where England !
Dro. S. I looked for the chalky cliffs, but I could find no whiteness in them: but I guess it stood in
SCENE I. The same.
Enter a Merchant, Angelo, and an Officer. her breath.
Mer. You know, since Pentecost the sum is due, Ant. S. Where America, the Indies ?
And since I have not much importun'd you : Dro S. O, sir, upon her nose, all o'er embellished Nor now I had not, but that I am bound with rubies, carbuncles, sapphires, declining tbeir ! To Persia, and want gilders for my voyage : rich aspect to the hot breath of Spain; who senti Therefore make present satisfaction, whole armadas of carracks to be ballast at her nose. Or I'll attach you by this officer.
Anl. S. Where stood Belgia, the Netherlands ? Ang. Even just the sum, that I do owe to you,
Dro. S. 0, sir, I did not look so low. To con- Is growing to me by Antipholus : clude, this drudge, or diviner, laid claim to me; And, in the instant that I met with you, called me Dromio; swore I was assured to her; told He had of me a chain; at five o'clock, me what privy marks I had about me, as the mark I shall receive the money for the same: of my shoulder, the mole in my neck, the great Pleaseth you walk with me down to his house, wart on my left arm,—that I, amazed, ran from her I will discharge my bond, and thank you too. as a witch: and, I think, if my breast had not Enter AntiPHOLUS of Ephesus, and Dromto of been made of faith, and my heart of steel, she had
Ephesus. transformeil me to a curtail-dog, and made ine turn 'the wheel.
Off. That labour may you save; see where he Int S. Go, hie thee presently, post to the road;
[thou And if the wind blow any way from shore,
Ant. E. While I go to the goldsmith's house, go I will not harbour in this town to-night.
And buy a rove's end ; that will I bestow
Among my wife and her confederates,
Ant. E. I do obey thee, till I give thee bail :For locking me out of my doors by day.
But, sirrah, you shall buy this sport as dear But soft, I see the goldsmith :-get thee gone; As all the metal in your shop will answer. Buy thou a rope, and bring it home to me.
Ang. Sir, sir, I shall have law in Ephesus
Enter Dromio of Syracuse.
Dro. S. Master, there is a bark of Epidamnum,
Any. Saving your merry humour, here's the note, The oil, the balsamum, and aqua-vitæ. How much your chain weighs to the utmost carat; The ship is in her trim; the merry wind The tineness of the gold, and chargeful fashion; Blows fair from land: they stay for nought at all, Which doth amount to three odd ducats more But for their owner, master, and yourself. Than I stand debted to this gentleman :
Ant. E. How now! a madman? Why thou pee I pray you, see him presently discharged,
rish sheep, For he is bound to sea, and stays but for it. What ship of Epidamnum stays for me?
Ant. E. I am not furnish'd with the present money; Dro. S. A ship you sent me to, to hire waflage. Besides I have some business in the town :
Ant. E. Thou drunken slave, I sent thee for a rope; Good signior, take the stranger to my house, And told thee to what purpose, and what end. And with you take the chain, and bid my wife Dro. S. You sent me, sir, for a rope's-end as soon Disburse the sum on the receipt thereof;
You sent me to the bay, sir, for a bark. Perchance, I will be there as soon as you.
Ant. E. I will debate this matter at more leisure, Ang. Then you will bring the chain to her your And teach your ears to listen with more heed. Ani. E. No; bear it with you, lest I come not To Adriana, villain, hie thee straight: time enough.
Give her this key, and tell her, in the desk Ang. Well, sir, I will: Have you the chain That's covered o'er with Turkish tapestry, about you?
There is a purse of ducats; let her send it; Ant. E. An if I have not, sir, I hope you have ; Tell her, I am arrested in the street, Or else you may return without our money. And that shall bail me: hie thee, slave; be gone. Ang. Nay, come, I pray you, sir, give me the On, officer, to prison till it come. chain;
(Ereunt Merchant, ANGELO, Officer, and Ant. E. Both wind and tide stays for this gentleman,
Dro. S. To Adriana! that is where we din'd, And I, to blame, have held him here too long. Where Dowsabel did claim me for her husband:
Ant. E. Good lord, you use this dalliance to excuse She is too big, I hope, for me to compass.
masters' minds fulfil. (Exit But, like a shrew, you first begin to brawl. Mer. The hour steals on; I pray, you, sir, despatch.
SCENE II.-The same. Ang. You hear, how he importunes me; the chain
Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA, Ani. E. Why, give it to my wife, and fetch your Adr. Ah, Luciana, did he tempt thee so ? Ang. Come, come, you know, I gave it you even Might'st thou perceive austerely in his eye now;
That he did plead in earnest, yea or no? Either send the chain, or send me by some token. Look'd he or red, or pale; or sad, or merrily? Ant. E. Fye! now you run this humour out of What observation mad’st thou in this case, breath:
Of his heart's meteors tilting in his face ? Come, where's the chain ? I pray you, let me see it. Luc. First, he denied you had in him no right.
Mer. My business cannot brook this dalliance : Adr. He meant, he did me none; the more my Good sir, say, whe'r you'll answer me, or no;
spite. If not, I'll leave him to the officer. (you ? Luc. Then swore he, that he was a stranger here.
Ant. E. I answer you! What should I answer Adr. And true he swore, though yet forsworn he
And what said he ? Ani. E. You gave me none; you wrong me much Luc. That love I begg'd for you, he begg'd of me. to say so.
Adr. With what persuasion did he tempt thy love? Ang. You wrong me more, sir, in denying it: Luc. With words, that in an honest suit might Consider, how it stands upon my credit.
Mer. Well, officer, arrest him at my suit. First, he did praise my beauty; then, my speech. Off. I do; and charge you in the duke's name Adr. Did'st speak him fair ? to obey me.
Have patience, I beseech Ang. This touches me in reputation :
Adr. I cannot, nor I will not, hold me still; Either consent to pay this sum for me,
My tongue, though not my heart, shall have his will Or I attach you by this officer.
He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind;
Luc. Why would be jealous then of such a one ? If he should scorn me so apparently:
No evil lost is wail'd when it is gone. Ujf. I do arrest you, sir; you hear the suit Adr. Ah! but I think him better than I say,
And yet would herein others' eyes were worse : Sure, these are but imaginary wiles, Far from her best the lapwing cries, away; And Lapland sorcerers inhabit here, My beart prays for him, though my torgue do
Enter Dromio of Syracuse.
Dro. S. Master, here's the gold you seat me for : Enter Dromio of Syracuse.
What, have you got the picture of Old Adam new Dro. S. Here, go: the desk, the purse ; sweet
apparelled ? now, make haste.
Ant. S. What gold is this ? What Adam dost Luc. How hast thou lost thy breath ?
thou mean? Dro. S.
By running fast ? Dro. S. Not that Adam, that kept the paradise, Luc. Where is thy master, Dromio, is he well ? but that Adam, that keeps the prison; he that goes
Dro. S. No, he's in Tartar limbo, worse than hell. in the calf's-skin that was killed for the prodigal; A devil in an everlasting garment hath him, he that came behind you, sir, like an evil angel, and One, whose hard heart is button'd up with steel; bid you forsake your liberty. A fiend, a fairy, pitiless and rough ;
Ant. S. I understand thee not. A wolf, nay, worse, a fellow all in buff; (mands Dro. S. No ? why, 'tis a plain case: he that went A back-friend, a shoulder-clapper, one that counter. like a base-viol, in a case of leather; the man, sir, The passages of alleys, creeks, and narrow lands ; that, when gentlemen are tired, gives them a fob, A bound that runs counter, and yet draws dry foot and 'rests them; he, sir, that takes pity on decayed well;
(hell. men, and gives them suits of durance; he that sets One that, before the judgment, carries poor souls to up his rest to do more exploits with his mace, than Adr. Why, man, what is the matter?
a morris-pike. Dro. S. I do not know the matter; he is 'rested Ant. S. What! thou mean'st an officer ? on the case.
Dro. S. Ay, sir, the sergeant of the band; he, Adr. What, is he arrested ? tell me, ai whose suit. that brings any man to answer it, that breaks his Dro. S. I know not at whose suit he is arrested, band; one that thinks a man always going to bed,
and says, God give you good rest! But he's in a suit of buff, which 'rested him, that Ant. s. Well sir, there rest in your foolery. Is can I tell :
there any ship puts forth to-night ? may we be Will you send him, mistress, redemption, the money gone ? in the desk?
Dro. S. Why, sir, I brought you word an hour Adr. Go fetch it, sister - This I wonder at. since, that the bark Expedition put forth to-night;
Erit Luciana. and then were you hindered by the sergeant, to tarry That he, unknown to me, should be in debt :- for the hoy, Delay : Here are the angels that you Tell me, was he arrested in a band ?
sent for, to deliver you. Dro. S. Not on a band, but on a stronger thing; Ant. S. The fellow is distract, and so am I; A chain, a chain : do you not hear it ring?
And here we wander in illusions ; Adr. What, the chain ?
(gone. Some blessed power deliver us from hence ! Dro. S. No, no, the bell: 'tis time, that I were
Enter a Courtezan. It was two ere I left him, and now the clock strikes
Cour. Well met, well met, master Antipholus. Adr. The hours come back; that did I never Is that the chain, you promis’d me today?
I see, sir, you have found the goldsmith now: Dro. S. O yes If any hour meet a sergeant,
Ant, S. Satan, avoid ! I charge thee tempt me a'turns back for very fear.
not! Adr. As if time were in debt! how fondly dost
Dro. S. Master, is this mistress Satan? thou reason !
Ant. S. It is the devil. Dro. S. Time is a very bankrupt, and owes more than he's worth, to season.
Dro. S. Nay, she is worse, she is the devil's dam, Nay, he's a thiel too: Have you not heard men say, and thereof comes, that the wenches say, God damn
and here she comes in the habit of a light wench; That time comes stealing on by night and day? If he be in debt, and theft, and a sergeant in the way, wench. It is written, they appear to men like an
me, that's as much as to say, God make me a light Hath he not reason to turn back an hour in a day? gels of light : light is an effect of fire, and fire will Enter LUCIANA.
I burn; ergo, light wenches will burn; Come not Adr. Go, Dromio; there's the money, bear it near her.
Cour. Your man and you are marvellous merry, And bring thy master home immediately – Will you go with me? We'll mend our dinner here Come, sister; I am press'd down with conceit: Dro. s. Master, if you do, expect spoon-meat, or Conceit, my comfort, and my injury. (Eseunt. bespeak a long spoon.
Ant. S. Why, Dromio ?
Dro. S. Marry, he must have a long spoon, that
must eat with the devil. Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse.
Ant. S. Avoid then, fiend! what tellst thou me 4nt. S. There's not a man I meet, but doth salute
of supping ?
Thou art, as you are all, a sorceress : As if I were their well-acquainted friend ;
I cónjure thee to leave me, and be gone. And every one doth call me by my name.
Cour, Give me the ring of mine you had at dinnei, Some tender money to me, some invite me; Or, for my diamond, the chain you promis'd; Some other give me thanks for kindnesses; And I'll be gone, sir, and not trouble not. Some offer ne commodities to buy :
Dro. S. Some devils ask but the parings of one's Even now a tailor callid me in his shop,
nail, And show'd me silks that he had bought for me, A rush, a hair, a drop of blood, a pin, Aod, there withal, took measure of my body. A nut, a cherry-stone ; but she, inore covetuus,