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No LXXXVII.

Singula lætus

Exquiritque, auditque, virúm monumenta priorum.

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(VIRGIL.)

F all our dealers in fecond-hand wares, few bring their goods to so bad a market, as thofe humble wits who retail other people's worn-out jokes. A man's good sayings Pate fo perfonally his own, and depend so much upon manner and circumstances, that they make a "poor figure in other people's mouths, and suffer even more by printing than they do by repeating: It is alfo a very difficult thing to pen a "witticifin; for by the time we have adjusted all the defcriptive arrangements of this man faid, and t'other man replied, we have miferably blunted the edge of the repartee. These difficulties however have been happily overcome by Mr. Jofeph Miller and other facetious compilers, whose works are in general circulation, and may be heard of in moft clubs and companies where gentlemen' meet, who love to fay 'a good thing without the trouble of inventing it. We are alfo in a fair train of knowing every thing that a late celebrated author faid, as well

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as wrote, without an exception even of his moft fecret ejaculations. We may judge how valuable thefe diaries will be to pofterity, when we reflect how much we should now be edified, had any of the antients given us as minute a collectanea of their illuftrious contemporaries.

We have, it is true, a few of Cicero's tablejokes; but how delightful would it be to know what he faid, when nobody heard him! how piously he reproached himself when he laid in bed too late in a morning, or eat too heartily at Hortenfius's or Cafar's table. We are told indeed that Cato the Cenfor loved his jeft, but we should have been doubly glad to have partaken of it: What a pity it is that nobody thought it worth their while to record fome pleasanter specimen than Macrobius has given us of his retort upon Q; Albidius, a glutton and a fpendthrift, when his houfe was on fire-What he could not eat, he has burnt, faid Cato; where the point of the jeft lies in the allufion to a particular kind of facrifice, and the good-humour of it with himself. It was better faid by P. Syrus the actor, when he faw one Mucius, a malevolent fellow, in a very melancholy moodEither fome ill fortune has befallen Mucius, or fome good has happened to one of his acquaint

ance.

A man's

A man's fame fhall be recorded to pofterity by the trifling merit of a jeft, when the great things he has done would elfe have been buried in oblivion: Who would now have known that L. Mallius was once the best painter in Rome, if it was not for his repartee to Servilius Geminus? You paint better than you model, fays Geminus, pointing to Mallius's children, who were crooked and ill-favoured.-Like enough, replied the artist; I paint in the daylight, but I model, as you call it, in the dark.

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Cicero it is well known was a great joker, and fome of his good sayings have reached us; it does not appear as if his wit had been of the malicious fort, and yet Pompey, whofe temper could not stand a jeft, was fo galled by him, that he is reported to have faid with great bitternefs--Oh! that Cicero would go over to my enemies, for then he would be afraid of me.If Cicero forgave this farcasm, I should call him not only a better-tempered, but a braver man than Pompey.

But of all the antient wits Arguftus feems to have had moft point, and he was as remarkable for taking a jest, as for giving it. A country fellow came to Rome, who was so like the emperor, that all the city ran after him; Auguftus heard of it, and ordering the man into his pre

fence

fence-Harkye, friend! fays he, when was your mother in Rome? Never, an please you! re-, plied the countryman, but my father has been bere many a time and oft The, anecdote of the old foldier is ftill more to his credit: He folicited the emperor to defend him in a fuit; Auguftus fent his own advocate into court; the foldier was diflatisfied, and faid to the emperor -I did not fight for you by proxy at Allium-Auguftus felt the reproof, and condefcended to his request in perfon. When Pacuvius Taurus greedily folicited a largefs from the emperor, and to urge him to the greater liberality added, that all the world would have it, that he had made him a very bountiful donation-But you know better, faid Auguftus, than to believe the world—and difmiffed the fycophant without his errand. I fhall mention one more cafe, where, by a very courtly evafion, he parried the solicitation of his captain of the guard, who had been cafhiered, and was petitioning the emperor to allow him his pay; telling him that he did not alkhat indulgence for the fake of the money which might accrue to him, but that he might have it to fay he had refigned his commiffion, and not been cashiered that be all your reafan, fays the emperor, tell

If

the

the world that you have received it, and I will not deny that I have paid it.

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Vatinius, who was noted to a proverb as a , common flanderer, and particularly obnoxious, for his fcurrility, againft Cicero, was, pelted by the populace in the amphitheatre, whilst he was giving them the Gladiators: He complained to the Ediles of the infult, and got an edit for bidding the people to caft any thing into the area but apples. An, arch, fellow, brought a fu rious large fir-apple to the famous lawyer Caf cellius, and demanded his opinion upon the edit. -I am of opinion, fays Cafcellius, that your fir apple is literally and legally an apple, with this provifo however, that your intend to, throw, it at Vatinius's head.

As there is fome danger in making too free with ald jokes, I fhall hold my hand for the prefent; but if thefe fhould, fucceed in being acceptable to my readers, I fall not be afraid of meeting Mr. Jofeph Miller and his modern witticisms with my antients. In that cafe L hall not defpair of being able to lay before the public a veritable Roman, newspaper, compounded of events in the days of Julius Cæfar By what happy chance I traced this valuable relick, and with what pains I poffeffed myself af it, may be matter of future, explanation:

I have

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