Mess. Remember, that your excellency is sworn faithfully to observe all the long established customs of the island; and those ordain an immediate hearing to the complaints of the injured, and that criminals, on conviction, be punished with all possible speed

San. Nay, if that be the case, I must submit; but all I hang, friend, before dinner, may lay their halters at your door.

Mess. Room for the governor!

[Exit with Sancho.

Manet Man. You must wait a little longer for dinner than you imagine, my Lord Governor! I shall have a rare detail of adventures to transmit his grace, if we succeed in every particular as hitherto.-[Enter Pedro.]— How, Pedro, goes on your part of the plot?

Pedro. To admiration!

Man. Have you seen the wife and daughter?

Pedro. Yes, and would advise thee to take a peep at them, as two of the greatest natural curiosities ever yet exhibited in Spain.

Man. Don't talk to me! I have made a conquest of Mary.

Pedro. And I can assure you, her excellency, Lady Teresa, has looked upon your friend Pedro with so favourable an eye, that, if she become a widow, h needs not despair of succeeding a governor.

Man. But come, let us go hear him as a judge; in the present state of his appetite, he'll shew no more mercy to a criminal, than he would to a mess of Olla Podrida. [Exeunt.

SCENE II. A Court of Justice.

SANCHO seated on the Bench; Constable, Cryer, Custom-house Officer, Smuggler, &c. &c. &c. Taylor, Gardener, little Man, stout Woman.

Cryer. O yes! O yes! let all manner of person or persons, who come not hither for justice, keep silence; and let all those who have any complaints to make speak

them boldly; the governor is prepared to hear and redress them.

San. He is prepared, as far as hunger will let him ; and though I know my judgment would be clearer upon a full stomach, I'll try for once how wise fasting will make me! What's the first cause?

A STOUT WOMAN and a LITTLE MAN brought

forward.

San. Well, woman, what have you to say?

Woman. Oh! my lord, I am an undone woman! this villain here(Weeps.

Sun. What, that shrimp?

Woman. That ruffian; that Goliah in miniature; with violence, on my way to town, assaulted me, and ruined my character for ever.

San. One story is good till another is told; now, let us hear what our little Gog and Magog has to say for himself.

L. Man, My lord governor, I am the son of my

father

San. Indeed!

L. Man. Who is called Diego-I was sent with fifty pieces in a purse to Terevaria, to pay a debt :-This woman met me, and thinking me not able to defend my property, she attempted to rob me of it-and when I refused to part with it, she wickedly laid this charge against me, and had me brought before your worship. San. Oh! most atrocious villain! where is your purse?

L. Man. Here, your honour. [Shews it.]

Sancho. Then, to let you see how much I value honest women-there, take his purse as some consolation for the injury he has done thee and thy character.

L. Man. O, good your honour! if you take that I am an undone man.

Woman. Blessing on your honour's sweet face!-Oh you are an upright magistrate! [Exit Woman. L. Man. Oh! I am ruined; I'm lost! Oh that ever I was born!

Sancho. Well, poor fellow! upon second thoughts,

all the money is too much to give her-so gather up your little legs as hard as you can, and force the purse from her-make haste.

L. Man. I'll do what I can, but I fear 'twill be a hard

matter.

[Exit.

Sancho. I begin to perceive that this island is very full of enormities. [Noise without.

Sancho. How now? What's the matter?

Re-enter WOMAN and LITTLE MAN.

Woman. O, your honour! this impudent fellow, contrary to your honour's judgment, has followed me, and wou'd have taken the purse away from me by force, and sent the constable to bring me again before your worship.

Sancho. And has he got the purse?

Woman. No, I warrant your worship; you ordered me to keep it, and I would have pulled his eyes out ere I'd part with it.

Sancho. Give it me; let me see if there's none missing -there, fellow, take your purse again; and bid the beadle give Mrs. Honesty here a hundred stripes.

Woman. Oh mercy! your worship, what mean you? Sancho. If you had defended your honesty as well as you did the purse, you need not have made this complaint here-Away, I'll have no reply.

[Exeunt L. Man and Woman.

SMUGGLER brought forward by CUSTOM-HOUSE
OFFICER.

Sancho. Well, friend, what have you to complain of? Officer. Why, my lord, you must know, I am an officer of the customs; and I am come to complain against this fellow, my lord, for defrauding government. Sancho. Defrauding government! as how?

Officer. By the smuggling of chocolate and bad spirits, please your lordship.

Sancho. A rogue! what's this I hear! a smuggler! I'll shew him no favour; this fellow is a kind of a state

pickpocket. Sirrah! Sirrah! what have you to say for yourself before I pronounce sentence?

Smug. Will your lordship hear me?

Sancho. I don't know whether I will or not; but come, what have you to say?

Smug. Why, my lord, you must know that I am owner of a small coasting vessel, in which I carry goods to different parts of your lordships island for sale; now, as it happens that I am sometimes obliged to put to sea in very dark nights, for fear of losing the wind, I have more than once neglected paying the duty for the commodities I have shipped.

Sancho. And what do you call this but smuggling, you dog-Eh! what have you to say for yourself now? Smug. Truly, very little, my lord; but there are a few friends in this canvass bag, that will convince your lordship I had no dishonest intentions.

[Giving Sancho a bag of money. Sancho. Eh! Why, upon my word, there is some weight in this last argument.

Smug. I have kept a regular account of every shilling I was indebted to the revenue for these three years back, which, finding it amount to five hundred crowns, I put it in that bag, and I have now honestly paid your lordship, and discharged my conscience.

Officer. Don't believe a syllable he utters, my lord; for to my knowledge he has been a smuggler these twenty years.

Sancho. Then, what's the reason you never informed against him before?

Smug. Because, my lord, I used to pay him all my arrears; and he informs against me now, only because I did not think the contents of that bag so safe in his hands as in your lordship's.

Sancho. I believe it-every word you speak carries conviction with it; I never met a man who used stronger arguments [handling the bag]: why should not a smuggler have credit as well as other tradesmen? And you, Mr. Custom-house Officer, take notice we dismiss you from our employ; and, Mr. Smuggler, you shall have

his place; there's nothing like the old proverb, Set a thief to catch a thief.

[Exeunt Smuggler and Cust.-Officer. TAYLOR and GARDENER brought forward. Sancho. What's your complaint now? Shortshort

Taylor. Why, and please your honor, my name is Snip; I am by trade a taylor, and a man that the parish knows to be a man-that is, not a man who, as a man may say, will willingly let any man, though it may chance with fair looks a man may be deceived, yet your honour knows who are a man

Sancho. Who am a man not like to get to the end of your story all day at this rate-brief!-short!-quick! Taylor. Why, your honour, in few words, must know my complaint is against this Radish, the gardener here, who has most wickedly and unneighbourly defrauded me of a tame cock pheasant, which I and my wife tenderly brought up; yet this ravenous cannibal laid violent hands on the poor bird-slayed it, took it home to his wife, roasted it, and, had I not come just in the nick and hindered them, they would have eaten it this day for dinner.

Sancho. Humph! what say you to this, Radish?

Taylor. He can say nothing-for to prove it, I have brought the pheasant here, poor fool, just as I snatch'd it out of the dish from them [puts the pheasant on the table]; so now your worship has proof before you.

Sancho. Even so; the case is plain-what can you say to this, Radish? Is this your conscience, to come into a neighbour's house and steal away his goods and chattels for his pheasant, in this case, is a chattel—and a delicate one it is [touching it and licking his fingers]: beautiful! with a little good sauce to it, this were a dish fit for a governor. [Tears a leg off and begins to eat it.]

Gard. But, hear me, my lord; this is the trick on't; I and Snip used often at each other's houses, jestingly, to take things; and t'other day, having a choice flask of Florence sent a present to my wife from her rich godmother, I gave this Snip and his wife a taste.