to learn their parts, how is it possible that they can study them? But this will be changed, if Mr. Alexander will increase his company, and add, not raw recruits, but skilful veterans, to his establishment. Let him be convinced that it is a false saving to grudge the sinking of capital in a productive subject, and that it is of much more importance to lay out money in providing for the respectability of his corps dramatique, than in painting or plastering his theatre. If he adopts these views, he will find, that men of talent will no longer reject his proposals for acting his principal characters, and the public will no longer attend his performances only on extraordinary occasions, nor will the boxes be deserted whenever a Kean, or a Jarman, have finished their last scene.

We began with the Manager's own performance, and we shall say a few words in conclusion upon the same subject. In common, with the rest of our actors, Mr. Alexander seems to be entirely ignorant of what is suitable in acting. When he is performing the part of a strict father, he should not indulge in the buffoonery of a common clown. It is too much, on all occcasions, to pitch his voice on that grating key which seems like the Cary-tone echoed from the lowest pitch of a donkey's stomach, and which can only excite ridicule by being associated with that animal. His humorous voice may do very well for some characters in Midsummer's Night's Dream, but it does not accord with our notions of any part above the sphere of Bottom the Carpenter, or Starveling the Tailor. As for his tragic voice, we advise him never to try it at all, as it is too artificial for any thing human, and too startling for a ghost. Above all, the Manager should consider, that distended eyes, a gaping mouth, and a waddling gait, do not constitute the beau ideal of comic acting. If he will take these hints he may do himself a service, and the public will have more reason to thank us than it has ever yet had. quest him to consider that, in giving them, we have no other object than the desire of benefitting them, and of improving him.

We re

CUPID'S REGISTER FOR FEBRUARY.

A NUMBER of our readers among the fair sex, having complained of our silence respecting the occurrence of Births and Marriages, and though, we have already explained, in one of our early numbers, our reasons for not recording these important events, still some of our dear friends continue to fret and pout the lip on the subject, and others of them have actually become clamorous. We have therefore thought it advisable, not only for our own peace, but also to show that our silence does not proceed from a reluctance to comply with any of their wishes, either reasonable or otherwise, to set about making arrangements for presenting them with a register every month, of such affairs de cœur as we can collect; and though these will not afford the actual information so much in request, yet as they are generally, if not invariably the forerunners of both the interesting events in question; we trust our presenting our readers with such a register will suppress all further complaints. We are the more confident of this tranquil result, as we have the self-complacency to believe, that every reflecting young lady will consider our labours on this subject as purely con amore.

In justice to ourselves, however, and by way of asserting our independence, we deem it necessary to declare, that our presenting" Cupid's Register," as a substitute for a list of births and marriages, is a measure which has not been forced upon us by the clamorous part of our readers. No, fair friends: the Council of Ten, like certain legislators, yield nothing to clamour or intimidation. If in this instance they have tried to meet the wishes of the fair, it is of such among them as have expressed themselves in the plaintive, though sometimes querimonious note of the turtle, not

of those who, assuming the shrill discordant pipe of the pea-hen, have made us the unmerited objects of vituperation. Though, in braving any thing like an amazonian display of stormy and unreasonable wrath, we may with justice exclaim," what man dare, we dare." Yet, to withstand the pouting lip and the tearful eye, requires more firmness than we can call our own. Such tender appeals are perfectly irresistible; and as they generally, if not always, come from the amiable and sensible part of the sex, who have too much tact and discrimination not to know where their great strength lies, the heart of man feels a ready excuse to itself, for yielding to the soft influence of the fascinating assailant :

Sweet-timed trembler, though thou seems

So weak, so full of fear,

All powerful is thy downcast eye
When armed with a tear.

On this tender affair we fear we have enlarged a little too much; but the May-day reminiscences of early life will occasionally break in upon us, when the subject happens to be of a soft or amatory complexion.

Having given our reasons for introducing our monthly report, it may be necessary to add, that, in making it up, we have, for that part of it which relates to the ladies, engaged the good offices of a certain antiquated spinster of great experience-whose acquaintance is much cultivated by most of the young ladies of rank and fashion about town, who find her a very useful and confidential creature; capable of insinuating herself, like a cork-screw, into every family secret worth knowing. This amiable femme sole is pretty generally known among our readers, at the west end, by the cognomen of Auntie Pyet; and, as she is generally a member of such parlour committees as are usually held to decide on the propriety of accepting or rejecting the soft overtures which take place among our tender aspirants to the honours of Hymen, we have been most assiduous in the cultivation of her acquaintance.

For the other department of the "Register," which regards the gentlemen, we have assurances of the most ample information from no less a personage than the redoubtable Uncle Duncan; a regular diner out, and a first-rate hand at trotting a young gentleman on the subject of his mistress. With two such coadjutors, we have no doubt of being able to furnish the newest and most certain intelligence. The following is the result of a tete-a-tete with auntie Pyet the other night, over a cup of pekoe flavour, mixed with the due proportion of young hyson.

From the following circumstance, there is reason to believe, that the long talked of match between Miss and a certain W. S. will take place early next month.-Miss along with her aunt, were seen

in a fashionable furniture warehouse on last; and about an hour afterwards the gentleman called, and requested to see the articles the ladies had been looking at. This requires no comment.

of with a ten

It is whispered that the Reverend Mr. regards the wealthy Miss der eye, and as she evidently returns his attentions, (as she is well able to do,) with two tender eyes, there is little doubt but an amicable arrangement will be effected. Then only think what a tender couple they will make.

and Miss ""

Mr. -, actually exchanged miniatures on Wednesday night last: their first meeting was at the late assembly.

At a party in B. last month, Mr. an angel. The young lady very prudently remarked, that she would allow no gentleman to call her any such names, without asking mama. As Mr. has not only called her an angel since, but has also added "celestial creature," without the young lady's appearing offended-it is supposed she has spoken to "mama on the subject.

place, in the early part of ventured to call Miss

might have sought an explanation with more calmness than we understand he did.

Our correspondent Cælebs is, it seems, putting all irons in the fire, in order to obtain an introduction to our own esteemed Clarissa. If the two come to a proper understanding, we think they will make a very happy couple, as their good sense and talents, if properly exercised, will enable them to hit the due proportion of the sweet and bitter, which constitute the chief ingredients of the hymeneal cup.

The affair between a certain Reverend Benedict and a wealthy spinster in street, has been broke off, in consequence of an anonymous poetical effusion, which was sent to the lady last Valentine's day, and which has since been traced to his Reverence, who was obliged to acknowledge having sported the hood and bells on the day in question.-Auntie Pyet, to whom the effusion was shewn, could only remember two of the offensive stanzas, which are as follows:

"I am told that ye hae siller,

Gudesake, lass, can that be true.

If it is, ye are a killer,

Gi'es your hand, my dainty doo.

Some day soon, when I'm at leisure,
I'll come down and tak' my kail,
Syne in a nuik beside your treasure,
Clap your cheek and tell my tale.

The lady, conceiving that the real sentiments of her pious lover were disclosed, in his anonymous character, has thought proper to withdraw the promise she had made him of her hand, or rather, as Auntie Pyet observes, intends in future to give him only the back of it.

ORIGINAL POETRY.

IMPROVEMENT; OR THE PROGRESS OF CULTIVATION.

'Tis grateful to the curious, mind to trace,
The change which art effects on nature's face,
And mark the benefits the naked land
Receives for ever from Improvement's hand;
Whose skillful eye, though all is waste around,
Perceives the virtues of the vacant ground.

He rears his mansion on some favoured site,
And teaches taste and comfort to unite;

The early garden soon begins to smile,

Where flowers and shrubs bedeck the laboured soil;
Young trees are nursed on each appropriate space,

To shelter and adorn the chosen place.

Then roads are made, that lead in safety o'er

Barbarian tracts, impassable before;

And bridges over mountain streamlets laid,

Which oft, when swelled, the travellers course had staid;
The stagnant waters from their beds are driven,

And in their places, verdant meadows given;
The worthless brush wood, all is cleared away,
And hidden ground laid open to the day;
When soil, that slept inanimate till now,
Rewards the first impressions of the plough.

Next, cheerful cottages spring up around,
And green enclosures fence the parted ground,
Where varied labour marks the changing year,
And health delights the useful toil to cheer.
Now lowing herds rejoice in pastures gay,
And bleating flocks, along the meadows stray;
While oft the shepherd's careless song resounds,
Or ploughman's whistle cheers his weary rounds.
At length the village rises on the plain-
The humble mart of every neighbouring swain;
Where trade in embryo acts its busy part,
And each rude craftsman plies his homely art.
The stream is taught to turn the bustling mill,
And crown their labours with mechanic skill;
The tawdry sign proclaims refreshing cheer,
And bids the weary traveller tarry here;
The pastor's house, in humble grandeur reigns,
Not far removed, amid its scant domains;
The modest church is seen, whose simple bell,
In whitened turret sounds the weekly knell.

Improvement now affects a wider range,
And every year displays superior change:
At length the gloomy heath, remote and lone,
Begins to tremble on his savage throne;
Whose rude dominions, conquered, would impart
A noble triumph to the hand of art.

The task begins, and many champions toil,

To drain, and burn, and trench the turfy soil;
To spread manure and quickening-lime around,
And chasten with the plough, the vanquished ground:
Long is the contest; for with settled hate,
The stubborn wild resists approaching fate;

At last the whole, to perseverance yields,

And turns from barren wastes to fruitful fields,
Through which the stream more gladly winds its way,
Reflecting cultured banks upon the day.

Yet still his active genius extends,
And up the mountain's rugged side ascends;
Delights to decorate with lively green,

Or stud with laboured fields, the pendant scene;
Or rear plantations on the site sublime,
And give the oak and pine to future time.

Refinement now begins its early reign,
And cheerful villas rise upon the plain :

Ere long, each valued flower, and shrub abounds,
In graceful gardens, and embellished grounds;
Smooth walks of gravel wind the velvet green,
And level lawns, and shady groves are seen;
With orchards, where Pomona loves to dwell,
And give her bright productions to excel.

Then, stately domes and palaces appear,

Where wealth and grandeur meet the blooming year;
And noble parks, with flocks and deer, prevail,
And lakes of art, where pleasure's vessels sail.
And statued founts, and Grecian temples, rise,
And bowers, and mimic ruins greet the eyes;
O'ershaded walks, that prompt the muser's dream,
And seats and grottos by the babbling stream:
Or, if a view of savage nature frown,
With shaggy hills, or torrents rushing down
Stupendous rocks into some chasm's arms,
It serves to heighten cultivation's charms.

Now, Spring delights, arrayed in tints more gay,
Sooner to come, and longer to delay.
Now ardent Summer, whom the sun attires
In shades umbrageous, moderates her fires;
And Autumn, stranger here in former times,
Reaps yellow crops, and fruits of other climes.
While evergreens rough Winter's looks assuage,
And sheltering arts disarm of half his rage.

'Tis thus Improvement, Art and Labour's child, Subdues the rugged genius of the wild; Embellishes each valley, mount, and plain, And raises paradise on earth again.

Edinburgh, 10th February, 1832.

MISCELLANEA.

C.

A SUBJECT FOR ROMANCE WRITERS.-Canute, the first Danish King of England, had two daughters, of whom the eldest, called Grinchilda, was married to the Roman Emperor Henry the Third, who, being accused of adultery, and none found to defend her cause, at last an English page, a very boy and dwarf, who, for the littleness of his stature was, generally and jestingly, surnamed Minnican, adventured to maintain her innocency against a mighty giant-like combatant; who, in fight, at one blow, cutting the sinews of his adversary's leg, with another he felled him to the ground, and then, with his sword, taking his head from his shoulders, redeemed both the Empress's life and honour.

HUMILITY OF MATILDA, SPOUSE OF HENRY THE FIRST.-A brother of this Queen's coming one morning to visit her in her chamber, found her sitting amongst a company of Lazar people, washing and dressing their ulcers and sores, and then kissing them after she had done; who, wondering at it and saying to her, how could she think the king would like to kiss that mouth which had kissed such filthy ulcerous people? She answered, that she had a greater King to kiss, who, she knew, would like her never the worse for it.-Baker's Chronicle of the Kings of England.

MATRIMONY A MATTER OF MONEY.-When a couple are now to be married, mutual love, or union of minds, is the last and most trifling consideration. If their goods and chattels can be brought to unite, their sympathetic souls are ever ready to guarantee the treaty. The gentleman's mortgaged lawn becomes enamoured of the lady's marriageable grove; the match is struck up, and both parties are piously in love-according to act of Parliament.-Goldsmith.

GLASGOW GOSSIP.

THE disappointment, caused by the delay of the Assembly, has been very great among our fashionables, and it is said that a number of young ladies, who were to have come out on Thursday evening, will, in consequence, be prevented from breaking the egg this season. The silks and satins, which were procured for the occasion, are now committed to the wardrobes of the fair owners, without any chance of seeing the light of day, unless another Assembly is speedily announced. It is to be hoped that some step of this sort will be taken without delay, as the changeable spirit of the times renders it too probable, that, if the dresses of modern invention are not immediately called into use, they will not suit the fashion of another winter. Besides this, it is too hard that so many caged beauties, who had promised to dazzle the eyes of our beaux, should be obliged, for want of an opportunity, to expend their charms "upon the desert air."

COMETS OF THE DAY.

THE present year will be remarkable in astronomy for the appearance of two comets, which have been recently discovered to belong to the solar system, and to perform their revolutions in short periods. One of them will pass very near the orbit of the earth; and it would seem that some of our continental neighbours have taken the alarm, and are under apprehensions that its approach will be attended with disastrous consequences to our planet. In order to free their minds from all disquietude on this head, M. Arago has inserted in the Annuaire (an almanack published under the superintendence of the French Board of Longitude) a long and interesting dissertation on these strange bodies, which have so often inspired mankind with dismay and terror. Although we have not heard that similar apprehensions are entertained by our countrymen, most of whom are probably ignorant of the approaching visit, we think they will not be sorry to be made acquainted with some of the results of M. Arago's disquisition, though stript of the interest that never fails to accompany impend. ing danger from an instrument which no human force can avert or controul.

The comet of which we speak was perceived at Johannisberg in Bohemia, on the 27th of February 1826, by M. Biela, and a few days after by M. Gambas at Marseilles. On computing its elements they were found to be identical with those comets which had been observed in 1772 and 1805. A more accurate calculation showed that it performs its revolution in about six years and three quarters, and that its mean distance is consequently between Mars and Jupiter. But in order to determine the time at which it will return to any given point of its orbit, it was necessary to compute all the sensible perturbations it sustains from the different planets. This laborious calculation has been performed by Damoiseau, and the following are the results connected with its approach to the earth :-Biela's comet will pass through the plane of the ecliptic, or the plane on which the earth moves, on the 29th of October, before midnight; the danger, therefore, can only exist on the 29th of October. The comet will also pass through the plane of the ecliptic a little within the earth's orbit; the distance of its centre from that curve being equal to four and two-third times the radius of the earth; and a very small error in the data from which the computation is made, would suffice to render that distance nothing. Let us, however, suppose the exact distance of its centre to be four two-thirds terrestrial radii, and inquire whether any part of the comet will cross the part of the earth. At the appearance of the same comet in 1805, the celebrated Dr. Olbers of Bremen found, from actual measurement, that its radius was equal to five one-third times the radius of the earth. But the distance of its centre from the terrestrial orbit is only four two-third times the radius of the earth; it is therefore certain (the computations being assured to be accurate), that on the 29th of next October a portion of the orbit of the earth will be comprised within the nebulosity of the comet. Now, if the earth happened to be at that point of its orbit at the same instant, there would be an actual collision; and if the earth were even very near that point, it is impossible to predict what the consequences might be. Fortunately for us, the earth will not arrive at the point of the ecliptic, through which the comet passes, until the morning of the 30th of November, that is to say a full month after the comet. This fact will enable us to find the nearest approach of the comet to the earth. The mean velocity of the earth in its orbit is about 1635 thousand miles a-day; multiplying therefore this number by 32, (the days between the 29th of October and 30th of November,) it results, that the least distance of the comet from the earth will exceed 50 millions of miles, which is more than one half of the mean distance of the sun.

From this calculation, it appears that the earth is far removed, on this occasion, from the possibility of collision with the comet; and M. Arago goes on to prove, that we are equally beyond the influence of its attracting power, and cannot be sensibly affected either by the luminous or calorific rays it may dart forth, or by the gaceous matter which forms its nebulosity. There remains, however, one hypothetical mode of its affecting us, to which M.

Araga has not adverted. It has been the opinion of many philosophers, that the comets, in describing their revolutions, leave behind them all the matter which has been detached from them, when near their perihelion, by the heat of the sun; and that, after a certain number of revolutions, their whole substance may be dissipated in space. Appearances seem to countenance this idea. Haley's comet, at its approach in 1682, had a tail extending 30 degrees, which was greatly diminished at its return in 1759; and history affords many instances of comets greatly exceeding in splendour the most brilliant which have for a long time appeared. Now, if Biela's comet should leave a gaseous train behind it, the earth must assuredly pass through it, and it is impossible to conjecture what change might be produced on the atmosphere by the admixture of any considerable portion of a strange element. But as the comet, when it traverses the ecliptic on the 29th of October, is on its passage towards its perihelion, it is probable that all its loosely attached particles have been dissipated before that time. Had it been on its return from the perihelion, the danger might have been greater.

LITERARY INTELLIGENCE.

A NEW Novel, from the pen of HORACE SMITH, is in the Press. A new Monthly Periodical is announced, under the name of the British Magazine and Monthly Register of Religious and Ecclesiastical Information, the State of the Poor, Progress of Education, &c. It is to be edited by the Rev. James Hugh Rose, B. D.

The second volume of Cruikshank's Comic Album, with some engravings, illustrative of the "Unknown Tongues," is about to be published.

FOUR GOOD THINGS.-Alphonzo of Arragan, said that he was greatly pleased with four things, viz. dry wood for firing, wine of a year old for drinking, an old friend for conversation, and an old book for reading.-From the Italian.

FOUR GRIEVOUS WANTS.-Four things are grievously empty : a head without brains, a wit without judgment, a heart without honesty, and a purse without money.-Earle.

FOUR GREAT CIPHERS.-There are four great ciphers in the world: he that is lame among dancers, dumb among lawyers, dull among scholars, and rude amongst courtiers.-Franklin.

HOW TO DISTINGUISH A FOOL.-A fool can neither eat, nor drink, nor stand, nor walk, nor, in short, laugh, nor cry, nor take snuff, like a man of sense! How obvious is the distinction !— Shenstone.

A LADY'S MORNING WORK. - We rise, make fine,
Then go 66
a-shopping"-and 'tis time to dine.-Shirley.

NOTICES TO CORRESPONDENTS.

"W. A. S.'s" letter has been received, and is satisfactory. The Poem will appear as soon as we have room. If he would try his hand at a prose article, his communications would suit our columns better. We are sadly bored with rhymsters.

"Demophile" will receive his pamphlets from Mr. Wylie, with our best thanks.

"J. D.'s" stanzas, we fear, would not even please their author, if he saw them in type.

"Albino's" lyrical specimens have reached us, and will be taken into consideration immediately.

THE GEGG CLUB.

Quincquid agunt homines nostri est farrago libelli.

JUVENAL.

Whate'er men say or do, or think, or dream,
Our motley paper seizes for its theme.

THE City of Glasgow-the mercantile metropolis of Scotland is perhaps as unrivalled for her clubs and her cold punch, as for her cotton-mills and bookmuslins. For ages she has been celebrated for the one, while for half a century has she only been known for the other. One knot of social souls, linked together by some cabilistic sign of union, has uniformly and successively, at least so far as the peering eye of the best antiquary of the Maitland Club can reach, held a paramount and beneficial sway over the affairs and society of the city; and has taken upon itself the peculiar privilege and high prerogative of canvassing the opinions, and the actions, of the general mass of the community. The fact is, if the modern Athens has considered her Parliament House as the chief arena for the wit and frolic of her sons, Glasgow has looked to her club-rooms for the very quintessence of her fun and gossip. Life in both cities, reft of those haunts of light-hearted spirits, would have become stale and stagnant; and society, over which they both sat in judgment, would have settled down to the very beau ideal of heartless inanity, mental listlessness, and intellectual humbug!

It was, and it is still, around the pillar of the ancient Scottish Senate-house, which has so often echoed with the scintillating wit of an Erskine and a M'Queen-with the brilliant repartee of a Jeffrey and a Cockburn—and with the broad humour of a Clerk, and a Robertson-that pretenders have always been stripped of their false plumes-that foolish fancies have been best held up to ridicule-and that topics have been started, which, spreading like wild-fire over the city, have given a zest and a seasoning to the otherwise cold ceremonial of a modern saloon.

It has likewise been amid the circle of the club coteries of the emporium of the Scottish cotton trade, each cemented by some mystic and peculiar link of its own, that the medicine so necessary for purging away the follies and the fallacies of a great commercial population has been most powerfully administered. In ancient times, what would Glasgow have been without the keen surveillance of the "Hodge Podge," that glorious jumble of sense and nonsense, the portly paunches of whose members so frequently shook at the sprightliness of Zelucco Moore's wit, and at the playful vein of the Doctor's delicious irony? What would the city have been without the curative correction of that band of powdered pigtails, who hebdomadaly planted their thread-hosed limbs under the planetree board of the "Anderston Club," that was headed by the mathematical Simson, whose life may be justly said to have been the very embodyment of ratiocination? What would have been Glasgow's past story had it not been subjected to the searching gaze of "the Face," whose every member, at every meeting of the fraternity, had placed before him a full fed smoking sheepshead, whose well singed face, by paying regular toll to the cheeks of each brother's mouth through which it passed, was deemed to impart an unwrinkled smoothness to the phizes of these gourmands? What would

have been the state of our city's manners had they not been submitted to the purifying ordeal of " The Dirty Shirt;" to the keen searching stilletto of the "Banditti," who, nevertheless, committed no murder, save on their own health, and no robbery but on their own purses to the common-sense criticisms of " The What You Please,"-thatjovial band, without any laws but the code which is imprinted on the heart of every gentleman, and free of every penalty save that which an extra draught of pleasure invariably exacts;-and though last, not least, to the raillery and sarcasm of that gifted and sprightly brotherhood of acknowledged wags; yclept "THE GEGG," who were ever known to keep the table in a roar, and the city in laughter; who disdained the tell-tale dawn of daylight, provided daylight was never seen within their glasses, and who, rather than forego an evening's practical joke, upon some green and arrogant booby, individually took upon themselves the alternative of turning out, if necessary, with a pair of hair triggers, in the cool of the morning!

Courteous and indulgent reader! it will be now our province to attempt to introduce you to this knot of knowing ones, and junto of jokers, with whom some of our gayest and earliest pleasures are associated, and whose transactions, were they recorded with a Langbein's pen, and illustrated by a Cruikshanks' pencil, would be certain of gaining as honourable a place in the library of Momus, as the immortal Collectanea of Josephus Millarius, of laughter-loving memory.

Although to those who are accustomed to breathe the atmosphere of Glasgow, it is unnecessary to give any definition of the term which constitutes the nominal band of the Gegg Club, it is perhaps incumbent on us to inform those who have never paced the Trongate, that the cabalistic term GEGG, signifies a practical joke played upon some unsuspecting greenhorn, whereby he is made to believe and to act upon what is, in reality, not founded on fact, and thereby to occasion laughter and merriment to those who are aware of the circumstance. It will appear plain from this, that the members of such a brotherhood necessarily required to be men of sharp, acute, and fearless dispositions, who could see farther into a millstone than other people, and could arrive at a conclusion by means infinitely shorter than the world around them. In short, each member of the fraternity, to use phrenological language, required to have the bumps of wit, perception, ideality, firmness, combativeness and love of probation largely developed-while those of reverence, conscientiousness and caution were small.

ap

As it may be supposed, the members of this club, or college, as it was sometimes designated, were not numerous, and, what is perhaps needful to be told, their meetings were limited to no particular club-room, nor peculiar place of rendezvous. The fraternity as frequently met in a private house as in a tavern, while certain of their most striking and most interesting seances were held in the hospitable mansion of a gentleman, who, with the peculiar qualities which rendered him a worthy member of this brotherhood, united the more amiable qualities of rendering himself one of the most beloved members of the community.

The ordinary meetings of the Club were ever limited to ordinary members, and were hence characterised by the most gentlemanlike demeanour and playful

raillery. The extraordinary meetings on the other hand which were generally held for the purpose of gegging a greenhorn, or chastising a self-sufficient spooney, rarely took place, and were always open to the individual, or individuals, who were to be made on that occa sion, the butt of the brotherhood's practical joke or gegg. It was, for example, from an extraordinary tavern meeting of the fraternity that the well-known Beau Finlay, who actually lived upon the idea that he possessed the most splendid whiskers, and most finished head-gear in Glasgow, was borne home, shorn of his darling pigtail and cultivated whiskers, with a face as black as a moor, and with the trophies of his shame in his pocket—a loss and a gain which the now almost forgotten swell did not discover, till he started at his own strange reflection in the looking-glass on the following morning. It was also at an extraordinary seance, in the private mansion of the member we have already alluded to, that the following ludicrous gegg was played on another equally celebrated and self-sufficient swell, the simple account of which will perhaps better illustrate the feelings and peculiarities of this club, than any thing else we can say about it.

It will, perhaps, be necessary here to premise, that the personage for whose benefit the extraordinary meeting of the Gegg College was congregated, had long made himself conspicuous in the city as one, at least in his own estimation, of its greatest Counts. He was tall, and was always seen in the very pink of fashion. It was rumoured of him, that he used to stand in the summer mornings for hours before his cheval mirror, revelling in the beauty of his limbs and the fancied Antinous form of his face and figure, and that, after fully impressing his mind with the idea of his own matchless symmetry, he sallied forth to the pavé fully fraught with the conviction, that every woman he encountered was admiring him, and that no one who wore a petticoat could have the heart to resist his manly charms. He was, in short, a "look and die" man in so far as regards the fair sex, but being resolved, as he often said, never to sacrifice himself to any woman without obtaining a handsome douceur, as a legitimate recompense, he had not yet met with a shrine valuable enough for his adoration. It so happened, however, that, at the period to which our story refers, a lady, answering in every respect to his wants, had come to Glasgow, and that a splendid ball to which he and the lady were both invited was to take place. The occurrence the Count took great pleasure in mentioning, and was ostentatiously asking all his acquaintances whether he really ought, or ought not, to choose this lady as his victim. The Gegg Club having heard of the circumstance, this occasion was considered one of the most fitting opportunities of playing off one of their practical jokes, on this self sufficient Adonis. An extraordinary seance was, therefore, resolved upon, to take place on the day of the ball, to which the Geggee was specially invited. The Adonis made at first some objections to attending an entertainment on the day of a dancing party, upon which his heart and hopes were fixed, but this being overruled by the soft persuasive tongue of the Chief Gegg, the members were summoned, the plan fairly concocted, and the Club met accordingly.

The mansion, in which the brotherhood, on this memorable occasion, congregated, was situated in one of the principal streets of the old city—the fact is, at that time there was no St. Vincent Street-the house which the member occupied, being the first floor above the shops. At four o'clock, the brethren met, to the number of about a dozen, and, about half an hour after the period that he was invited, the Count entered the drawing-room, fully donned for the ball, and making a thousand apologies for keeping the gentlemen from the dinner table. There was a self-sufficient and forward flippancy about the Geggee which contrasted delightfully with the Machiavelian and

masqued gravity of the Geggers-an expression of conscious superiority in point of corporeal qualities on the part of the former, especially when he eyed himself askance in the pier-glass-a look of placid satisfaction in regard to mental powers on the part of the latter, when, on meeting each other's eyes, they gave each other the fraternal wink.

From the drawing-room, the party, as is customary, stepped into the dining-room, where the Geggee was honoured with the seat of honour next the landlord. The entertainment went on-the wine was pushed about, and soon the party "set in for serious drinking." Jest and story chased each other, the company roared and laughed, and the roof echoed for hours with the notes of mirth and jollity. A huge bowl of Glasgow punch had been manufactured, and brimmer, followed brimmer, to the health of the fairest of west country beauties. The Count pronounced the name of her with whom he was to meet that evening, and her health was given and received with three times three. A chamber-clock which stood on the mantel-piece, had been purposely set back a full hour, not to alarm the Geggee, who, trusting to its correctness, never dreamt of budging till it had struck nine. At the tell-tale sound, however, he made preparations for rising, when the landlord, in a neat speech, proposed the health of the Count, and, after eulogizing his personal appearance and agreeable manners, concluded by wishing him every success in his proposed matrimonial scheme. The Count, casting his eye at his well-formed limbs, thanked him for his kindness, and the company for their good wishes, and vowed it would not be his fault if the scheme was not brought to a happy termination. The GEGG CLUB could scarcely conceal a suppressed titter, when the Geggee rose to leave the room with a self-sufficient damme sort of

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Good-bye." "A fair wind to you, my good fellow," shouted the whole club; "now, see that you don't fairly take her heart by actual storm." The Count paced to the lobby, took his hat, and lifted the latch to make his exit. But, lo! the door would not open ; it was locked, and the key was out. What was to be done? This could be no trick of the landlord, these things were long out; so he called on the servant, but no answer cheered his ear. Wearied with trying the lock and bawling on the servant, he at length bolted into the club-room, with "Well, gentlemen, I can't get out." "Not get out!" cried the landlord, apparently confused and hurt. "Impossible! What has become of the servant? Pray, ring the bell; but, in the meantime, my dear Sir, be seated. From my heart, I regret this exceedingly." The bell was rung, still no servant appeared. Well, now, that is really provoking; another proof of having pretty servant girls; they go out at night, and, in order to prevent the house from being robbed, lock the door, and put the key into their pocket. My dear fellow," continued the landlord, addressing himself particularly to the Geggee," this is most unfortunate; but do, sit down and make yourself easy; she will return immediately." The Count sat down, and took an additional glass or two, but was uncommonly restless. Every look which he cast at his silk stockings, brought the ball and the beauty to his mind. At length, wearied with waiting, and having discovered that the hour was not ten, but eleven, he broke out into the following ejaculation :-" Good Heavens! what an imprisonment is this? It is quite intolerable. Is there no way of getting out; for really I can NOT remain any longer." The whole gist of the gegg was to be here. Our readers will at once discover that the servant had been sent out on purpose, and we may tell him that the other was snug in a back apartment, waiting the particular call of her master. The Club looked exceedingly thoughtful on the scheme which ought to be adopted to get the Count out of the mansion: one proposed to break open the outer door, another to call out for a ladder. At length,