« PreviousContinue »
vigour. None of my ancestors married till fifty; yet they begot sons and daughters till fourscore. I am of your patriarchs, I, a branch of one of your Antedilu. vian families, fellows that the flood could not wash away. Well, madam, what are your commands? Has any young rogue affronted you, and shall I cut his throat ; or
Ang. No, Sir Sampson, I have no quarrel upon my hands I have more occasion for your conduct than your courage at this time. To tell you the truth, I'm weary of living single, and want a husband.
Sir S. Odsbud, and it is pity you should !- Odd, would she would like me! then I should hamper my young rogues: odd, would she would; faith and troth, she's devilish handsome! [Aside.)-Madam, you deserve a good husband! and 'twere pity you should be thrown away upon any of these young idle rogues about the town. Odd, there's ne’er a young fellow worth hanging—that is, a very young fellow
-Pize on them, they never think beforehand of any thing-and if they commit matrimony, 'tis as they commit murder; out of a frolic; and are ready to hang themselves, or to be hanged by the law the next morning. Odso, have a
Ang. Therefore I ask your advice, Sir Sampson. I have fortune enough to make any man easy that I can like; if there were such a thing as a young agreeable man, with a reasonable stock of good-nature and sense for I would neither have an absolute wit, nor a fool,
Sir S. Odd, you are hard to please, madam: to find a young fellow that is neither a wit in his own eye, nor a fool in the eye of the world, is a very hard task. But, faith and troth, you speak very discreetly; “ for I hate both a wit and a fool. '
“ Ang. She that marries a fool, Sir Sampson, for“ feits the reputation of her honesty or understand“ing; and she that marries a very witty man, is a “ slave to the severity and insolent conduct of her “ husband. I should like a man of wit for a lover, “ because I would have such a one in my power: but " I would no more be his wife than his enemy; for “ his malice is not a more terrible consequence of his
aversion, than his jealousy is of his love.
“ Sir S. None of old Foresight's Sibyls ever uttered “ such a truth. Odsbud, you have won my heart.” I hate a wit; I had a son that was spoilt among them; a good hopeful lad, till he learnt to be a wit-and might have risen in the state.But, a pox on’t, his wit ran him out of his money, and now his poverty has run him out of his wits.
Ang. Sir Sampson, as your friend, I must tell yoll, you are very much abused in that matter--he's no more mad than you are.
Sir S. How, madam! would I could prove it!
Ang. I can tell you how that may be done, but it is a thing that would make me appear to be too much concerned in your affairs. Sir S. Odsbud, I believe she likes me! [ Aside.]
-oh, madam, all my affairs are scarce worthy to
be laid at your feet; and I wish, madam, they were in a better posture, that I might make a more becom. ing offer to a lady of your incomparable beauty and merit.-If I had Peru in one hand, and Mexico in t'other, and the Eastern empire under my feet; it would make me only a more glorious victim, to be offered at the shrine of your beauty.
Ang. Bless me, Sir Sampson, what's the matter ?
Sir S. Odd, madam, I love you—and if you would take my
advice in a husbandAng. Hold, hold, Sir Sampson, I asked your advice for a husband, and you are giving me your consent. I was indeed thinking to propose something like it in jest, to satisfy you about Valentine: for if a match were seemingly carried on between you and me, it would oblige him to throw off his disguise of madness, in apprehension of losing me; for, you know, he has long pretended a passion for me.
Sir S. Gadzooks, a most ingenious contrivance if we were to go through with it! But why must the match only be seemingly carried on Odd, let it be a real contract.
Ang. O fie, Sir Sampson, what would the world say?
Sir S. Say? They would say you were a wise woman, and I a happy man. Odd, madam, I'll love you as long as I live; and leave you a good jointure when I die.
Ang. Ay; but that is not in your power, Sir Sampson, for when Valentine confesses himself in his
senses, he must make over his inheritance to his
Sir S. Odd, you're cunning, a wary baggage. Faith and troth, I like you the better. But, I warrant you, I have a proviso in the obligation in favour of myself. Body o’me, I have a trick to turn the settlement upon the issue male of our two bodies begotten. Odsbud, let us find children, and I'll find an estate! Ang. Will you ? Well, do you find the estate,
and leave the other to me!
Sir S. O rogue! but I'll trust you. And will you consent? Is it a match then ?
Ang. Let me consult my lawyer concerning this obligation; and if I find what you propose practicable, I'll give you my answer.
Sir S. With all my heart. Come in with me, and I'll lend
the bond. You shall consult your lawyer, and I'll consult a parson. Odzooks, I'm a young man; Odzooks, I'm a young man, and l'll make it appear-Odd, you're devilish handsome.
Faith and troth, you're very handsome ; and I'm very young, and very lusty. Odsbud, hussy, you know how to choose ! and so do I. Odd, I think we are very well
Give me your hand; odd, let me kiss it; 'tis as warm and as soft-as whats-odd, as t'other hand! -Give me t'other hand; and I'll mumble them, and kiss them, till they' melt in my mouth.
Ang. Hold, Sir Sampson--You're profuse of your vigour before your time. You'll spend your estate before you come to it.
Sir S. No, no, only give you a rent-roll of my possessions—Ah! baggage !—I warrant you for a little Sampson. Odd, Sampson is a very good name for an able fellow. Your Sampsons were strong dogs from the beginning
Ang. Have a care, and don't over-act your part. If you remember, Sampson, the strongest of the name, pulled an old house over his head at last.
Sir S. Say you so, hussy :-Come, let's go then ; odd, I long to be pulling too. Come away-Odso, here's somebody coming.
Enter Tattle and Jeremy. Tatt. Is not that she, gone out just now?
Jer. Ay, sir, she's just going to the place of appointment. Ah, sir, if you are not very faithful and close in this business, you'll certainly be the death of a person that has a most extraordinary passion for your
honour's service. Tutt. Ay, who's that?
Jer. Even my unworthy self, sir. Sir, I have had an appetite to be fed with your commands a great while-And now, sir, my former master having much troubled the fountain of his understanding, it is a very plausible occasion for me to quench my thirst at the spring of your bounty. I thought I could not recommend myself better to you, sir, than by the delivery of a great beauty and fortune into your arms, whom I have heard you sigh for.
Tali. I'll make thy fortune; say no more. Thou