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Ben. More shame for you!--The wind's changed? It is an ill wind blows nobody good.-Mayhap I have a good riddance on you, if these be your tricks.
-What did you mean all this while to make a fool of me?
Mrs. F. Any fool, but a husband.
Ben. Husband ! Gad, I would not be your husband, if you would have me, now I know your mind; thof you had your weight in gold and jewels, and thof I loved you never so well.
Mrs. F. Why canst thou love, Porpus ?
Ben. No matter what I can do; don't call names. -I don't love you so well as to bear that, whatever I did.--I'm glad you shew yourself, mistress :-let them marry you as don't know you.--Gad, I know you too well, by sad experience ; I believe he that marries you
go to sea in a hen-pecked frigate. I believe that, young woman ! and mayhap may come to an anchor at Cuckold's Point ; so there's a dash for you, take it as you will; mayhap you may hollow after me when I won't come to. [Exit.
Mrs. F. Ha, ha, ha! no doubt on't. [Sings.] “ My true love is gone to sea !” [Enter Mrs. Foresight.] O sister, had you come a minute sooner, you would have seen the resolution of a lover.--Honest Tar and I are parted ;--and with the same indifference that we met._" On my life, I am half vexed at the " insensibility of a brute I despised."
Mrs. For. What then, he bore it most heroically? Mrs. F. Most tyrannically—" for you see he has “got the start of me ; and I the poor forsaken maid “am left complaining on the shore.” But I'll tell you a hint that he has given me. Sir Sampson is enraged, and talks desperately of committing matrimony himself. If he has a mind to throw himself away, he can't do it more effectually than upon me, if we could bring it about.
Mrs. For. O hang him, old fox ! he's two cunning ; besides, he hates both you and me. But I have a project in my head for you, and I have gone a good way towards it. I have almost made a bargain with Jeremy, Valentine's man, to sell his master to us.
Mrs. F. Sell him ? how ?
Mrs. For. Valentine raves upon Angelica, and took me for her; and Jeremy says will take any body for her that he imposes on him. Now I have promised him mountains, if in one of his mad fits he will bring you to him in her stead, and get you married together, and put to bed together--and after consummation, girl, there's no revoking. And if he should recover his senses, he'll be glad at least to make you a good settlement.-Here they come ; stand aside a little, and tell me how you like the design.
Enter VALENTINE, SCANDAL, FORESIGHT, and
JEREMY Scand. And have you given your master a hint of their plot upon him.
[To Jeremy. Jer. Yes, sir; he says he'll favour it, and mistake her for Angelica.
Scand. It may make us sport.
Val. Husht-interrupt me not~I'll whisper prediction to thee, and thou shalt prophesy. I am Ho. nesty, and can teach thy tongue a new trick. I have told thee what's past-Now I'll tell what's to come! - Dost thou know what will happen to-morrow! Answer me not-for I will tell thee. To-morrow knaves will thrive through craft and fools through fortune ; and Honesty will go as it did, frost- nipt in a summer suit. Ask me questions concerning to
Scand. Ask him, Mr. Foresight.
Val. Scandal will tell you—I am Honesty ; I never come there.
For. In the city ?
Val. Oh, prayers will be said in empty churches, at the usual hours. Yet you will see such zealous faces behind counters, as if religion were to be sold in every shop. Oh! things will go methodically in the city. The clocks will strike twelve at noon, and the horned herd buz in the Exchange at two. Husbands and wives will drive distinct trades; and care and pleasure separately occupy the family. Coffee-houses will be full of smoke and stratagem. And the cropt 'prentice that sweeps his master's shop in the morning, may ten to one dirty his sheets before night. But there are two things that you will see very strange; which are, wanton wives with their legs
liberty, and tame cuckolds with chains about their necks. -But hold, I must examine you before I go further; you look suspiciously. Are you a husband ?
For, I am married.
Val. Poor creature! Is your wife of Covent-garden parish
For. No; St. Martin in the Fields.
Val. Alas; poor man! his eyes are sunk, and his hands shrivelled ; his legs dwindled, and his back bowed. Pray, pray for a metamorphosis.-Change thy shape, and shake off age ; get thee Medea's kettle, and be boiled anew; conie forth, with labouring, callous hands, a chine of steel and Atlas' shoulders. Let Taliacotius trim the calves of twenty chairmen, and make thee pedestals to stand erect upon; and look matrimony in the face. Ha, ha, ha! that a man should have a stomach to a wedding supper, when the pigeons ought rather to be laid to his feet! ha, ha, ha!
For. His frenzy is very high now, Mr. Scandal.
For. Very likely truly; you understand these matters.--Mr. Scandal, I shall be very glad to confer with you
about these things which he has uttered. His sayings are very mysterious and hieroglyphical.
Val. Oh, why would Angelica be absent from my eyes so long?
Jer. She's here, sir.
Scand. Humour him, madam, by all means.
Val. Where is she? Oh, I see her?-She comes like riches, health, and liberty, at once, to a despairing, starving, and abandoned wretch.– welcome, wel. come! Mrs. F. How dy'e, sir i can I serve you?
Val. Harkee—I have a secret to tell you~Endymion and the moon shall meet us upon Mount Latmos, and we'll be married in the dead of night.-But say not a word.—Hymen shall put his torch into a dark lantern, that it may be secret ; and Juno shall give her peacock poppy water, that he may fold his ogling tail, and Argus's hundred eyes be shut, ha ? Nobody shall know but Jeremy.
Mrs. F. No, no, we'll keep it secret; it shall be done presently. Val. The sooner the better-Jeremy, come hither
-closer—that none may overhear us. Jeremy, I can tell you news. Angelica is turned nun; and I am turned friar : and yet we'll marry one another in spite of the pope. Get me a cowl and beads, that I may play my part-for she'll meet me two hours hence in black and white, and a long veil to cover the project; and we won't see one another's faces, till we have done something to be ashamed of—and then we'll blush once for all.
Enter Tattle and ANGELICA.