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Thou art, great lord, my father's sister's son, 120
Were thy commixtion Greek and Trojan so
Runs on the dexter cheek, and this sinister
Wherein my sword had not impressure made
Ajax. I thank thee, Hector: Thou art too gentle and too free a man: I came to kill thee, cousin, and bear hence A great addition earned in thy death.
Hect. Not Neoptolemus so mirable, On whose bright crest Fame with her loudest oyes
Cries This is he!' could promise to himself
Dio. 'Tis Agamemnon's wish, and great Achilles Doth long to see unarm'd the valiant Hector.
Hect. Eneas, call my brother Troilus to me, And signify this loving interview To the expecters of our Trojan part; Desire them home. Give me thy hand, my cousin ;
I will go eat with thee and see your knights. Ajax. Great Agamemnon comes to meet us here.
Hect. O you, my lord? by Mars his gauntlet, thanks!
Men. Let me confirm my princely brother's greeting:
You brace of war-like brothers, welcome hither.
The noble Menelaus.
Well, welcome, welcome! I have seen the timeUlyss. I wonder now how yonder city stands, When we have here her base and pillar by us.
Hect. I know your favour, Lord Ulysses, well. Ah! sir, there's many a Greek and Trojan dead, Since first I saw yourself and Diomed In Ilion, on your Greekish embassy.
Ulyss. Sir, I foretold you then what would
My prophecy is but half his journey yet;
Must kiss their own feet.
Hect. I must not believe you: There they stand yet, and modestly I think, The fall of every Phrygian stone will cost A drop of Grecian blood: the end crowns all, And that old common arbitrator, Time, Will one day end it.
Ulyss. So to him we leave it. Most gentle and most valiant Hector, welcome. After the general, I beseech you next To feast with me and see me at my tent.
Achil. I shall forestall thee, Lord Ulysses, thou!
Now, Hector, I have fed mine eyes on thee;
But there's more in me than thou understand'st.
Shall I destroy him? whether there, or there,
That I may give the local wound a name,
To answer such a question. Stand again:
For I'll not kill thee there, nor there, nor there;
After we part from Agamemnon's tent,
There in the full convive we afterwards,
That this great soldier may his welcome know.
Ulyss: At Menelaus' tent, most princely Troilus:
Tro. Shall I, sweet lord, be bound to you so
Tro. O, sir! to such as boasting show their
A mock is due. Will you walk on, my lord?
Ther. Prithee, be silent, boy; I profit not by Ajax. Do not chafe thee, cousin: 260 thy talk: thou art thought to be Achilles' male And you, Achilles, let these threats alone, varlet. Till accident and purpose bring you to 't: You may have every day enough of Hector, If you have stomach. The general state, I fear, Can scarce entreat you to be odd with him.
Hect. I pray you, let us see you in the field; We have had pelting wars since you refus'd The Grecians' cause.
Patr. Male varlet, you rogue ! what's that? Ther. Why, his masculine whore. Now the rotten diseases of the south, the guts-griping, ruptures, catarrhs, loads o' gravel i' the back, lethargies, cold palsies, raw eyes, dirt-rotten livers, wheezing lungs, bladders full of imposthume, sciaticas, lime-kilns i' the palm, incurable bone-ache, and the rivelled fee-simple of the tetter, take and take again such preposterous discoveries!
An oath that I have sworn. I will not break it:
Exeunt ACHILLES and PATROCLUS. Ther. With too much blood, and too little brain, these two may run mad; but if with too much brain and too little blood they do, I'll be a curer of madmen. Here's Agamemnon, an honest fellow enough, and one that loves quails, but he has not so much brain as ear-wax and the goodly transformation of Jupiter there, his brother, the bull, the primitive statue, and oblique memorial of cuckolds; a thrifty shoeing-horn in a chain, hanging at his brother's leg, to what form but that he is, should wit larded with malice and malice forced with wit turn him to? To an ass, were nothing: he is both ass and ox; to an ox, were nothing: he is both ox and ass. To be a dog, a mule, a cat, a fitchew, a toad, a lizard, an owl, a puttock, or a herring without a roe, I would not care; but to be Menelaus! I would conspire against destiny. Ask me not what I would be, if I were not Thersites, for I care not to be the louse of a lazar, so I were not Menelaus. Hey-day! spirits and fires!
Achil. Come, come; enter my tent. Exeunt ACHILLES, HECTOR, AJAX, and NESTOR. Ther. That same Diomed's a false-hearted rogue, a most unjust knave; I will no more trust him when he leers than I will a serpent when he hisses. He will spend his mouth, and promise, like Brabbler the hound; but when he performs, astronomers foretell it: it is prodigious, there will come some change: the sun borrows of the moon when Diomed keeps his word. I will rather leave to see Hector, than not to dog him: they say he keeps a Trojan drab, and uses the traitor Calchas' tent. I'll after. Nothing but lechery! all incontinent varlets! Exit. 109
And so, good night. Exit DIOMEDES; ULYSSES and TROILUS following.
SCENE II.-The Same. Before CALCHAS' Tent. Enter DIOMEDES.
Dio. What, are you up here, ho? speak.
Dio. Diomed. Calchas, I think. Where's your daughter?
Cal. Within. She comes to you.
Enter TROILUS and ULYSSES, at a distance; after them, THERSITES.
Ulyss. Stand where the torch may not dis
Tro. Cressid comes forth to him.
Tro. Yea, so familiar!
Ulyss. She will sing any man at first sight.
Ther. And any man may sing her, if he can take her clef; she's noted. Dio. Will you remember? Cres. Remember! yes.
Dio. Nay, but do then;
And let your mind be coupled with your words. Tro. What should she remember?
Cres. Sweet honey Greek, tempt me no more to folly.
Dio. Nay, then,
Cres. I'll tell you what,
Dio. Foh, foh! come, tell a pin: you are for.
Cres. In faith, I cannot. What would you have me do?
Ther. A juggling trick,-to be secretly open. Dio. What did you swear you would bestow on me?
Cres. I prithee, do not hold me to mine oath; Bid me do any thing but that, sweet Greek. Dio. Good night.
How now, Trojan! Diomed.Dio. No, no; good night: I'll be your fool
Tro. Thy better must.
Ulyss. You are mov'd, prince; let us depart, pray you,
Lest your displeasure should enlarge itself
You have not patience; come. Tro. I pray you, stay. By hell and all hell's torments,
I will not speak a word!
Doth that grieve thee?
There is between my will and all offences
Ther. How the devil Luxury, with his fat rump and potato-finger, tickles these together! Fry, lechery, fry!
Dio. But will you then?
Cres. In faith, I will, la; never trust me else. Dio. Give me some token for the surety of it. Cres. I'll fetch you one. Exit.
Ulyss. You have sworn patience. Tro. Fear me not, sweet lord; I will not be myself, nor have cognition Of what I feel I am all patience.
Dio. I shall have it.
Ther. Now the pledge! now, now, now!
He lov'd me-O false wench!-Give 't me again.
Cres. It is no matter, now I have 't again :
Ther. Now she sharpens: well said, whet
Dio. I had your heart before; this follows it.
I'll give you something else.
But, now you have it, take it.
Ay, that. Cres. O all you gods. O! pretty, pretty pledge.
Thy master now lies thinking in his bed
Whose was it? Cres. By all Diana's waiting-women yond, And by herself, I will not tell you whose. Dio. To-morrow will I wear it on my helm, And grieve his spirit that dares not challenge it. Tro. Wert thou the devil, and wor'st it on thy horn,
It should be challeng'd.
Cres. Well, well, 'tis done, 'tis past and yet it is not:
I will not keep my word.
Why then, farewell; Thou never shalt mock Diomed again. Cres. You shall not go: one cannot speak a word But it straight starts you.
I do not like this fooling. Ther. Nor I, by Pluto: but that that likes not me Pleases me best.
Dio. What! shall I come? the hour? Cres. Ay, come:-O Jove! 100 Do come :-I shall be plagu'd. Dio. Farewell till then. Cres. Good night I prithee, come. Exit DIOMEDES. Troilus, farewell! one eye yet looks on thee, But with my heart the other eye doth see. Ah! poor our sex; this fault in us I find, The error of our eye directs our mind. What error leads must err. O! then conclude Minds sway'd by eyes are full of turpitude.
Ther. A proof of strength she could not publish more, Unless she said 'My mind is now turn'd whore.' Ulyss. All's done, my lord. Tro.
Why stay we then? Tro. To make a recordation to my soul Of every syllable that here was spoke. But if I tell how these two did co-act, Shall I not lie in publishing a truth? Sith yet there is a credence in my heart, An esperance so obstinately strong, That doth invert the attest of eyes and ears, As if those organs had deceptious functions, Created only to calumniate. Was Cressid here?
By Cressid's rule: rather think this not Cressid. Ulyss. What hath she done, prince, that can soil our mothers?
Tro. Nothing at all, unless that this were she.
Tro. This she? no; this is Diomed's Cressida.
This is not she. O madness of discourse,
And with another knot, five-finger-tied,
Let all untruths stand by thy stained name,
And they'll seem glorious.
I would croak like a raven; I would bode, I would bode. Patroclus will give me any thing for the intelligence of this whore: the parrot will not do more for an almond than he for a commodious drab. Lechery, lechery; still, wars and lechery: nothing else holds fashion. burning devil take them! Exit. 193
Ene. I have been seeking you this hour, my lord.
Of her o'er-eaten faith, are bound to Diomed.
Ulyss. May worthy Troilus be half attach'd With that which here his passion doth express? Tro. Ay, Greek; and that shall be divulged
In characters as red as Mars his heart
Cas. The gods are deaf to hot and peevish vows:
Inflam'd with Venus: never did young man fancy They are polluted offerings, more abhorr'd
Hector, by this, is arming him in Troy :
Exeunt TROILUS, ENEAS, and ULYSSES.
SCENE III.-Troy. Before PRIAM's Palace.
Enter HECTOR and ANDROMACHE,
And. When was my lord so much ungently
To stop his ears against admonishment?
Hect. You train me to offend you; get you in:
And. My dreams will, sure, prove ominous to the day.
Hect. No more, I say.
Hark, Greek as much as I do Cressid love,
Ther. He'll tickle it for his concupy.
Tro. O Cressid! O false Cressid! false, false, Holds honour far more precious-dear than life. false !
Where is my brother Hector? And. Here, sister; arm'd, and bloody in intent. Consort with me in loud and dear petition; Pursue we him on knees; for I have dream'd 19 Of bloody turbulence, and this whole night Hath nothing been but shapes and forms of slaughter.
Cas. O 'tis true.
Hect. Be gone, I say: the gods have heard
And. O! be persuaded: do not count it holy
Cas. It is the purpose that makes strong the
But vows to every purpose must not hold.
How now, young man! mean'st thou to fight to-day?
And. Cassandra, call my father to persuade.
I am to-day i' the vein of chivalry:
Tro. Brother, you have a vice of mercy in you,