239

As I would buy thee, view thee limb by limb.
Hect. Ol like a book of sport thou 'lt read
me o'er;
But there's more in me than thou understand'st.
Why dost thou so oppress me with thine eye?
Achil. Tell me, you heavens, in which part of
his body

Shall I destroy him? whether there, or there,
or there?

That I may give the local wound a name,
And make distinct the very breach whereout
Hector's great spirit flew. Answer me, heavens!
Hect. It would discredit the bless'd gods,
proud man,

To answer such a question. Stand again:
Think'st thou to catch my life so pleasantly
As to prenominate in nice conjecture

Where thou wilt hit me dead?
Achil.

250

I tell thee, yea.

SCENE I. The Grecian Camp. Before
ACHILLES' Tent.

Enter ACHILLES and PATROCLUS.

Achil. I'll heat his blood with Greekish wine
to-night,

Which with my scimitar I'll cool to-morrow.
Patroclus, let us feast him to the height.
Patr. Here comes Thersites.

Enter THERSITES.

Achil.

Hect. Wert thou the oracle to tell me so,
I'd not believe thee. Henceforth guard thee

How now, thou core of envy! Thou crusty batch of nature, what's the news? Ther. Why, thou picture of what thou seemest, and idol of idiot-worshippers, here's a letter for thee.

Achil. From whence, fragment?
Ther. Why, thou full dish of fool, from Troy.
Patr. Who keeps the tent now?

11

well,

For I'll not kill thee there, nor there, nor there;
But, by the forge that stithied Mars his helm,
I'll kill thee every where, yea, o'er and o'er.
You wisest Grecians, pardon me this brag;
His insolence draws folly from my lips;

But I'll endeavour deeds to match these words,
Or may I never-

Ajax.

Do not chafe thee, cousin: 260

And you, Achilles, let these threats alone,
Till accident and purpose bring you to 't:
You may have every day enough of Hector,
If you have stomach. The general state, I fear,
Can scarce entreat you to be odd with him.

Hect. I pray you, let us see you in the field;
We have had pelting wars since you refus'd
The Grecians' cause.

Achil.

Dost thou entreat me, Hector?
To-morrow do I meet thee, fell as death;
To-night all friends.

That this great soldier may his welcome know.
Excunt all but TROILUS and ULYSSES.
Tro. My Lord Ulysses, tell me, I beseech you,
In what place of the field doth Calchas keep?
Ulyss: At Menelaus' tent, most princely Troilus:
There Diomed doth feast with him to-night; 280
Who neither looks on heaven nor on earth,
But gives all gaze and bent of amorous view
On the fair Cressid.

Ther. The surgeon's box, or the patient's

wound.

Patr. Well said, adversity! and what need these tricks?

Ther. Prithee, be silent, boy; I profit not by thy talk: thou art thought to be Achilles' male varlet.

Patr. Male varlet, you rogue! what's that? Ther. Why, his masculine whore. Now the rotten diseases of the south, the guts-griping, ruptures, catarrhs, loads o' gravel i' the back, lethargies, cold palsies, raw eyes, dirt-rotten livers, wheezing lungs, bladders full of imposthume, sciaticas, lime-kilns i' the palm, incurable bone-ache, and the rivelled fee-simple of the tetter, take and take again such preposterous discoveries !

Patr. Why, thou damnable box of envy, thou,

what meanest thou to curse thus ?

Ther. Do I curse thee?

Achil. My sweet Patroclus, I am thwarted
quite

From my great purpose in to-morrow's battle.
Here is a letter from Queen Hecuba,

Tro. Shall I, sweet lord, be bound to you so A token from her daughter, my fair love,
much,
Both taxing me and gaging me to keep

Achil. Come, come; enter my tent.

An oath that I have sworn. I will not break it:
Fall, Greeks; fail, fame; honour or go or stay;
My major vow lies here, this I 'll obey.
Come, come, Thersites, help to trim my tent; 50
This night in banqueting must all be spent.
Away, Patroclus!

Exeunt ACHILLES, HECTOR, AJAX, and NESTOR.

Ther. That same Diomed's a false-hearted rogue, a most unjust knave; I will no more trust him when he leers than I will a serpent when he hisses. He will spend his mouth, and promise, like Brabbler the hound; but when he performs, astronomers foretell it: it is prodigious, there will come some change: the sun borrows of the moon when Diomed keeps his word. I will rather leave to see Hector, than not to dog him: they say he keeps a Trojan drab, and uses the traitor Calchas' tent. I'll after. Nothing but lechery! all incontinent varlets!

Exit. 109

Exeunt ACHILLES and PATROCLUS. Ther. With too much blood, and too little brain, these two may run mad; but if with too much brain and too little blood they do, I'll be a curer of madmen. Here's Agamemnon, an honest fellow enough, and one that loves quails, but he has not so much brain as ear-wax: and the goodly transformation of Jupiter there, his brother, the bull, the primitive statue, and oblique memorial of cuckolds; a thrifty shoeing-horn in a chain, hanging at his brother's leg. to what form but that he is, should wit larded with malice and malice forced with wit SCENE II. - The Same. Before CALCHAS' Tent. turn him to? To an ass, were nothing: he is both ass and ox; to an ox, were nothing: he is both ox and ass. To be a dog, a mule, a cat, a fitchew, a toad, a lizard, an owl, a puttock, or a herring without a roe, I would not care; but to be Menelaus! I would conspire against destiny. Ask me not what I would be, if I were not Thersites, for I care not to be the louse of a lazar, so I were not Menelaus. Hey-day! spirits

and fires!

Enter HECTOR, TROILUS, AJAX, AGAMEMNON,
ULYSSES, NESTOR, MENELAUS, and DIO-
MEDES, with lights.

Agam. We go wrong; we go wrong.
Ајах.

There, where we see the lights.
Hect.

Ajax. No, not a whit.

Enter DIOMEDES.

Dio. What, are you up here, ho? speak.
Cal. Within. Who calls ?

Dio. Diomed. Calchas, I think. Where's your
daughter?

Cal. Within. She comes to you.

Enter TROILUS and ULYSSES, at a distance; after them, THERSITES.

Ulyss. Stand where the torch may not dis

No, yonder 'tis.

Dio.

How now, my charge!

I trouble you.

word with you.

Whispers.

Tro. Yea, so familiar!

Ulyss. Here comes himself to guide you.

Ulyss. She will sing any man at first sight.

Ther. And any man may sing her, if he can

take her clef; she's noted.

Dio. Will you remember?

Cres. Remember! yes.

Dio. Nay, but do then;

And let your mind be coupled with your words.
Tro. What should she remember?

Ulyss. List!

11

Cres. Sweet honey Greek, tempt me no more

to folly.

Ther. Roguery!

Dio. Nay, then,

Cres. I'll tell you what,

Dio. Foh, foh! come, tell a pin: you are for.

Ther. How the devil Luxury, with his fat rump and potato-finger, tickles these together! Fry, lechery, fry!

Dio. But will you then?

Cres. In faith, I will, la; never trust me else.
Dio. Give me some token for the surety of it.
Cres. I'll fetch you one.

Exit.

Cres. Well, well, 'tis done, 'tis past: and yet
it is not:

I will not keep my word.
Dio.

Why then, farewell;

Thou never shalt mock Diomed again.

Cres. You shall not go: one cannot speak a word

But it straight starts you.
Dio.

I do not like this fooling.

Ther. Nor I, by Pluto: but that that likes not me

Pleases me best.

Dio. What! shall I come? the hour?
Cres.

Ay, come:-O Jove!- 100

Do come:-I shall be plagu'd.

Dio.

Farewell till then.

Cres. Good night: I prithee, come.

Exit DIOMEDES.

Troilus, farewell! one eye yet looks on thee,
But with my heart the other eye doth see.
Ah! poor our sex; this fault in us I find,
The error of our eye directs our mind.
What error leads must err. O! then conclude

Ulyss. You have sworn patience.
Tro.
Fear me not, sweet lord; Minds sway'd by eyes are full of turpitude.

I will not be myself, nor have cognition
Of what I feel: I am all patience.

Re-enter CRESSIDA.

Ther. Now the pledge! now, now, now!
Cres. Here, Diomed, keep this sleeve.
Tro. O beauty! where is thy faith?
Ulyss.

60

My lord,

Tro. I will be patient; outwardly I will.
Cres. You look upon that sleeve; behold it

well.

Ulyss. Nor mine, my lord: Cressid was here
but now.

Tro. Let it not be believ'd for womanhood!
Think we had mothers; do not give advantage
To stubborn critics, apt, without a theme,
For depravation, to square the general sex

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