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O! ne'er may such a vile machine
Be once in Cælia's chamber feen!
O! may

she better learn to keep
Those secrets of the hoary deep t!

As mutton cutlets, prime of meats,
Which, tho' with art you salt and beat,
As laws of cookery require,
And roast them at the clearest fire

If from adown the hopeful chops,
The fat upon a cinder drops,
To stinking smoke it turns the flame,
Pois’ning the flesh from whence it came,
And up exhales a greafy stench,
For which


curse the careless wench:
So things which must not be expreft,
When plumpt into the reeking cheft
Send up an excremental smell,
To taint the parts from whence they fell ;
The petticoats and gown perfume,
And waft a ftink round ev'ry room.

Thus finishing his grand survey,
The swain disgusted flunk away ;
Repeating in his am'rous fits,
“ Oh! Cælia, Cælia, Cælia tha,"

But Vengeance, goddess never fleeping,
Soon punish'd Strephon for his peeping:
His foul imagination links
Each dame he fees with all her stinks;
And, if unsav'ry odours fly,
Conceives a lady ftanding by.
All women his description fits,
And both ideas jump like wits;
By vitious fancy coupled. faft,
And still appearing in contraft.
+ Milton.

# Prima virorura.
Vid. D- Do's works, and N. B-ry's.

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I pity wretched Strephon, blind To all the charms of woman-kind.

130 Should I the queen of love refufe, Because the rose from stinking ooze ? To him that looks behind the scene, Statira's but some pocky queen. When Cælia all her glory shows,

135 If Strephon would but stop his nose, Who now so impiously blafphemes Her ointments, daubs, and paints, and creams, Her washes, flops, and every clout, With which he makes so foul a rout;

140 He soon will learn to think like me, And bless his ravish'd 'eye to see Such order from confufion sprung, Such gaudy tulips rais'd from dung.


Written in the year 1730.


F neither brass nor marble can withstand

The mortal force of Time's destructive hand ;
If mountains sink to vales; if cities die,
And less’ning rivers mourn their fountains dry:
When my old caffock (faid a Welsh divine)
Is out at elbows, why should' I repine ?



Written in the year 1730.

Rom diftant regions Fortune fends

An odd triumvirate of friends;
Where Phoebus pays a fcanty ftipend,
Where never yet a codling ripend:
† Scarron bath written a larger poem on the fame fubjcch

Hither the frantic goddess draws

5 Three fuff 'rers in a ruin'd cause : By faction banish'd here unite, A Dean, a Spaniard t, and a Knight 13 Unite, but on conditions cruel ; The Dean and Spaniard find it too well : Condemn'd to live in service hard; On either fide his Honour's guard, The Dean to guard his Honour's back, Must build a castle at Drumlack |l; The Spaniard, fore againft his will,

15 Mpit raise a fort at. Market-hill, And thus the pair of humble gentry At north and south are posted centry ; While in his lordly castle fixt. The Knight triumphant reigns betwixt : And what the wretches most resent, To be his slaves must pay him rent; Attend him daily as their chief, Decant his winę, and carve his beef, Oh! Fortune ! 'tis a scandal for thiee To smile on those who are least worthy : Weigh but the merits of the three, His Naves have ten times more than he.

PROUD Baronet of Nova Scotia! The Dean and Spaniard must reproach ye: 30 Of their two fames the world enough rings ; Where are tby services and fuff'rings? What if for nothing once you kist, Against the grain, a monarch's fift?

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* The author.
4 Col. Henry Leslie, who served and lived long in Spain.

Sir Arthur Acheson. i The Irish name of a farm the Dean took, and was to build on, but changed his mind. He called it Drapier's-hill

. Vide the poem so called, p. 342.

What if among the courtly tribe

You loft a place and sav'd a bribe?
And then in surly mood came here
To fifteen hundred pounds a-year,
And fierce against the Whigs haranguid.?
You never ventur'd to be hang'd.
How dare you treat your betters thus ?
Are you to be compar'd with us?

Come, Spaniard, let us from our farms
Call forth our cottagers to arms;
Our forces let us both unite,

Attack the foe at left and right.
From Market-hill's exalted head,
Full northward let your troops be led;
While I from Drapier's-mount descend,
And to the south my squadrons bend.

50 New-river-walk, with friendly shade Shall keep my host in ambuscade; While you,

from where the bason stands, Shall scale the rampart with


bands. Nor need we doubt the fort to win ;

55 I hold intelligence within. True, Lady Anne no danger fears, Brave as the Upton fan she wears ; Then left upon our first attack Her valiant arm should force us back,

60 And we of all our hopes depriv’d; I have a stratagem contriv'd. By these embroider'd high heeld shoes She shall be caught as in a noose ; So well contriy'd her toes to pinch,

65 She'll not have pow'r to ftir an inch : These gaudy shoes must Hannah | place Direct before her lady's face ; The shoes put on our faithful portress Admits us in to storm the fortress; # My Lady's waiting maid.


While tortur'd Madam bound remains,
Like Montezume in golden chains,
Of like a cat with walnuts fhod,
Stumbling at ev'ry ftep she trod.
Sly hunters thus, in Borneo's isle,

To catch a monkey by a wile
The mimic animal amule ;
They place before him gloves and shoes;
Which when the brute puts awkward on,
All his agility is gone :

80 In vain to frisk or climb he tries; The huntsmen seize the grinning prize.

But let us on our first assault
Secure the larder and the vault :
The valiant Dennis* you must fix on,

And I'll engage with Peggy Dixon t:
Then if we once can seize the key
And chest, that keeps my Lady's tea,
They must surrender at discretion":
And soon as we have gain'd poffeflion,

90 We'll act as other conq'rors do, Divide the realm between us two : Then (let me see) we'll make the Knight Our clerk, for he can read and write ; But must not think, I tell him thar,

95 Like Lorimer I to wear his hat; Yet, when we dine without a friend, We'll place him at the lower end. Madam, whose kill does all in dress lie, May serve to wait on Mrs Leslie; But left it might not be so proper, That her own maid should overtop her; To mortify the creature more, We'll take her heels five inches low'r.

For Hannah, when we have no need of her, 105 "Twill be our intrest to get rid of her: * The butler.

+ The housekeeper. $ The agent.


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