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Dear Madam, whene'er of a barrack I think,
An I were to be hang'd I can't sleep a wink:
For if a new crotchet comes into my brain,

I can't get it out, tho' I'd never so fain.
I fancy already a barrack contriv'd
At Hamilton's Bawn, and the troop is arriv'd;
Of this to be sure Sir Arthur has warning,
And waits on the Captain betimes the next morning.
Now see when they meet how their honours be-
have :

71 Noble Captain, your servant-Sir Arthur, your

slave; You honour me much — the honour is mine, 'Twas a fad rainy night-but the morning is finePray how does my Lady? -my wife's at your


75 I think I have seen her picture by Jervis, Good morrow, good Captain,

-I'll wait on you down You sha'n't ftir a foot you'll think me a clown For all the world, Captain, not half an inch fartherYou must be obey'd—your servant, Sir Arthur; 80 My humble respects to my Lady unknown. I hope you

will use


house as your own. “Go bring me my smock, and leave off your prate, “ Thou hast certainly gotten a cup in thy pate.” Pray, Madam, be quiet ; what was it I said?

85 You had like to have put it quite out of my head.

Next day to be sure the Captain will come At the head of his troop, with trumpet and drum : Now, Madam, obferve how he marches in ftate: The man with the kettledrum enters the gate ; 90 Dub, dub, adub, dub.' The trumpeters follow, Tantara, tantara, while all the boys hollow. See now comes the Captain all dawbʼd with gold lace: O law! the sweet gentleman ! look in his face ;

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his beaver;

And see how he rides like a lord of the land, 95
With the fine flaming sword that he holds in his hand;
And his horse, the dear creter, it prances and rears
With ribbands in knots at its tail and its ears :
At last comes the troop, by the word of command,
Drawn up in our court; when the Captain cries,

Your Ladyship lifts up the fath to be seen,
(For sure I had dizen'd you out like a queen) :
The Captain, to thew he is proud of the favour,
up to your window, and cocks

up (His beaver is cock'd; pray, Madam, mark that, 105 For a Capiain of horse never takes off his hat; Because he has never a hand that is idle ; For the right holds the sword, and the left holds the

bridle): Then flourishes thrice his sword in the air, As a comp.inent due to a lady so fair; (How I tremble to think of the blood it hath spilt ;) Then he low'rs down the point and kifies the hilt. Your Ladyship smiles, and thus you begin ; Pray, Captain, be pleas’d to alight and walk in. The Captain falutes you with congee profound, 115 And your Ladyji p curtsies half-way to the ground.

Kit, run to your master, and bid him come to us. I'm sure he'll be proud of the honour you do us; And, Captain, you'll do us the favour to stay, And take a short dinner here with us to-day : You're heartily welcome: but as for good cheer, You come in the very worst time of the year : If I had expected so worthy a guest Lord, Madam! your Ladyship sure is in jeft; You banter me, Madam, the kingdom must grantYou officers, Captain, are so complaisant.

126 “ Hist, huffy, I think I hear some body comingNo, Madam ; 'tis only Sir Arthur a-humming.

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I 20

To shorten my tale, (for 1 hate a long story), The Captain at dinner appears in his glory; 130 The Dean and the Doétort have humbled their pride, For the Captain's intreated to fit by your side ; And, because he's their betters, you carve for him firft; The parsons for envy are ready to burft : The servants amaz’d are scarce ever able

135 To keep off their eyes, as they wait at the table; And Molly and I have thrust in our nose To peep at the Captain in all his fine clu'es : Dear Madam, be sure he's a fine spoken man, Do but hear on the clergy how glib his tongue ran : *. And, Madam, says he, if such dinners you give, 141 “ You'll never want parsons as long as you live ; “ I ne'er knew a parson without a good nose, < But the devil's as welcome where ever he goes : “G-d-me, they bid us reform and repent, 145 “ But, 2-s, by their looks they never keep lent: “ Mifter Curate, for all your grave looks I'm afraid

You cast a sheep's eye on her Ladyfhip's maid; « I wish the would lend


white hand “ In mending your caffock, and smoothing your band: “ (For the Dean was so thabby, and look'd like a ninny,

15! “ That the Captain suppos’d he was curate to Jenny): " Whenever you

see a cassock and gown, " A hundred to one but it covers a clown;

Observe how a parson comes into a room, 155 “G-d-me, he hobbles as bad as my groom ; “ A scholard, when just from his college broke loose, “ Can hardly tell how to cry bo to a goose ; “ Your Noveds, and Bluturks, and Omurs ll, and

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" stuff,

“ By G--they don't fignify this pinch of snuff. 160 # Doctor Jenny, a clergyman in the neighbourhood.

it Ovids, Plutarchs, Homers. Sce essay on modern education, in vol. vii. p. 107.

To give a young gentleman right education,
* The army's the only good school in the nation ;
My school-master call’d me a dunce and a fool,
“ But at cuffs I was always the cock of the school ;
I never could take to my book for the blood o'me,
“ And the puppy confefs'd he expected no good

" He caught me one morning coquetting his wife ;
“ But he mauld me, I ne'er was so maul'd in my

6 oʻme.

“ life :

« So I took to the road, and, what's very

odd, “ The first man I robb'd was a parson, by G-. 170 “ Now Madam, you'll think it a strange thing to

“ fay,

his lips,


“ But the fight of a book makes me fick to this day."

Never since I was born did I hear so much wit,
And, Madam, . I laugh'd till I thought I should split.
So then you look'd scornful and fnift at the Dean,
As who should say, Now, am I skinny and lean t? 176
But he durft not so much as once open
And the Doctor was plaguily down in the hips.

Thus merciless Hannah ran on in her talk,
Till she heard the Dean call, Will your Ladyship

Her Ladyship answers, I'm just coming down:
Then turning to Hannah, and forcing a frown,
Altho' it was plain in her heart she was glad,
Cry'd, Huffy, why sure the wench is gone mad : 184
How could these chimera's get into her brains?.
Come hither, and take this old gown for your pains.
But the Dean, if this secret should come to his ears,
Will never have done with his gibes and his jeers :
For your life, not a word of the matter, I charge ye :
Give me but a barrack, a fig for the clergy. 190

+ Nick-names for my Lady.

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An excellent new BALLAD; or, The true ENGLIS

Deant to be hanged for a.RAPE.

*Written in the year 1730.

' OUR brethren of England, who love us so dear,

And in all they do for us fo kindly do mean, A blessing upon them ! have fent us this year,

For the good of our church, a true English Dean. A holier prieft ne'er was wrapt up in crape ; 5 The worst you can say, he committed a rape.

In his journey to Dublin, he lighted at Chester,

And there he grew fond of another man's wife ; Burst into her chamber, and would have caress'd her ; But the valu'd her honour much more than her

life. She bustled, and struggled, and made her escape To a room full of guests, for fear of a rape.




The Dean he pursa'd to recover his game;

And now to attack her again he prepares : But the company stood in defence of the dame; They cudgeld, and cuff d him, and kick'd him

down stairs. His Deanship was now in a damnable scrape, And this was no time for committing a rape.


To Dublin he comes, to the bagnio he goes,

And orders the landlord to bring him a whoré; 20 No scruple came on him his gown to expose,

'Twas what all his life he had practis'd before.

† Sawbridge, Dean of Fernes,

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