Achil. I am Achilles. Hect. As I would buy thee, view thee limb by limb. Hect. O, like a book of sport thou'lt read me o'er ; Shall I destroy him? whether there, there, or there? man, To answer such a question: Stand again : Think'st thou to catch my life so pleasantly, There in the full convive we: afterwards, [Exeunt all but TROILUS and ULYSSES. Tro. Shall I, sweet lord, be bound to you so much, After we part from Agamemnon's tent, To bring me thither? Ulyss. You shall command me, sir. As gentle tell me, of what honour was This Cressida in Troy? Had she no lover there, That wails her absence? Tro. O, sir, to such as boasting show their scars, A mock is due. Will you walk on, my lord? She was belov'd, she lov'd; she is, and doth: But, still, sweet love is food for fortune's tooth. [Exeunt. ACT V. Patr. Well said, Adversity! and what need these tricks? Ther. Pr'ythee be silent, boy; I profit not by thy talk thou art thought to be Achilles' male varlet. Patr. Male varlet, you rogue! what's that? Ther. Why, his masculine whore. Now the rotten diseases of the south, the guts griping, ruptures, catarrhs, loads o'gravel i'the back, lethargies, cold palsies, raw eyes, dirt-rotten livers, wheezing lungs, bladders full of imposthume, sciatica, limekilns i'the palm, incurable bone-ach, and the rivelled fee-simple of the tetter, take and take again such preposterous discoveries! Patr. Why thou damnable box of envy, thou, what meanest thou to curse thus? Ther. Do I curse thee? Patr. Why, no, you ruinous butt; you whoreson indistinguishable cur, no. Ther. No? why art thou then exasperate, thou idle immaterial skein of sleive silk, thou green sarcenet flap for a sore eye, thou tassel of a prodigal's purse, thou? Ah, how the poor world is pestered with such water-flies; diminutives of nature! Patr. Out, gall! Ther. Finch egg! Achil. My sweet Patroclus, I am thwarted quite From my great purpose in to-morrow's battle. A token from her daughter, my fair love; An oath that I have sworn. I will not break it: [Exeunt ACHIJ LES and PATROCLUS. Ther. With too much blood and too little brain, these two may run mad; but if with too much brain, and too little blood, they do, I'll be a curer of madmen. Here's Agamemnon, - an honest fellow enough, and one that loves quails; but he has not so much brain as ear-wax: And the goodly transformation of Jupiter there, his brother, the bull, the primitive statue, and oblique memorial of cuckolds; a thrifty shoeing-horn in chain, hanging at his brother's leg, to what form, but that he is, should wit larded with malice, and malice forced with wit, turn him to? To an ass, were nothing; he is both ass and ox: to an ox were nothing; he is both ox and ass. To be a dog, a mule, a cat, a fitchew, a toad, a lizard, an owl, a puttock, or a herring without a roe, I would not care but to be Menelaus, I would conspire against destiny. Ask me not what I would be, if I were not Thersites; for I care not to be the louse of a lazar, so I were not Menelaus. - Hey-day! spirits and fires! Enter HECTOR, TROILUS, AJAX, AGAMEMNON, ULYSSES, NESTOR, MENELAUS, and DIOMED, with lights. Agam. We go wrong, we go wrong. There, where we see the lights. And welcome, both to those that go, or tarry. [Exeunt AGAMEMNON and MENELAUS. Achil. Old Nestor tarries; and you too, Diomed, Keep Hector company an hour or two. Dio. I cannot, lord; I have important business, The tide whereof is now.-Good night, great Hector. Hect. Give me your hand. Follow his torch, he goes Ulyss. To Calchas' tent; I'll keep you company. Tro. Sweet sir, you honour me. And so good night. [Erit DIOMED; ULYSS. and TRO. following. Achil. Come, come, enter my tent. [Exeunt ACHIL. HECTOR, AJAX, and NEST. Ther. That same Diomed's a false-hearted rogue, a most unjust knave; I will no more trust him when he leers, than I will a serpent when he hisses: he will spend his mouth, and promise, like Brabler the hound; but when he performs, astronomers foretell it; it is prodigious, there will come some change; the sun borrows of the moon, when Diomed keeps his word. I will rather leave to see Hector, than not to dog him: they say, he keeps a Trojan drab, and uses the traitor Calchas' tent : I'll after. Nothing but lechery! all incontinent varlets ! [Exit. SCENE II. The same. Before Calchas' Tent. Dio. What, are you up here, ho? speak. Calchas, I think. Cal. [Within.] She comes to you. Where's No, yonder 'tis ; Cres. Remember? yes. Dio. Nay, but do then; I trouble you. Ajar. No, not a whit. Ulyss. Here comes himself to guide you. Hect. And let your mind be coupled with your words. Tro. What should she remember? Cres. O, all you gods! pledge! Thy master now lies thinking in his bed Of thee, and me; and sighs, and takes my glove, Cres. You shall not have it, Diomed; 'faith you shall not; I'll give you something else. Dio. I will have this; Whose was it? 'Tis no matter Tro. Let it not be believ'd for womanhood! Think, we had mothers; do not give advantage To stubborn criticks - apt, without a theme, For depravation, -to square the general sex By Cressid's rule: rather think this not Cressid. Ulyss. What hath she done, prince, that can soil our mothers? Tro. Nothing at all, unless that this were she. Ther. Will he swagger himself out on's own eyes? Tro. This she? no, this is Diomed's Cressida : If beauty have a soul, this is not she; If souls guide vows, if vows be sanctimony, If there be rule in unity itself, This was not she. O madness of discourse, That cause sets up with and against itself! And with another knot, five-finger-tied, In characters as red as Mars his heart Inflam'd with Venus: never did young man fancy Ther. He'll tickle it for his concupy. Farewell, revolted fair! - and, Diomed, Tro. Accept distracted thanks. [Exeunt TROILUS, ENEAS, and ULYSSES Ther. 'Would, I could meet that rogue Diomed! I would croak like a raven; I would bode, I would bode. Patroclus will give me any thing for the intelligence of this whore: the parrot will not do more for an almond, than he for a commodious drab. Lechery, lechery; still, wars and lechery; nothing else holds fashion: A burning devil take [Exit. them. Enter TROILus. How now, young man? mean'st thou to fight to-day And. Cassandra, call my father to persuade. [Erit CASSANDRA. Hect. No, 'faith, young Troilus; doff thy harness, youth, I am to-day i'the vein of chivalry: Let grow thy sinews till their knots be strong, Tro. Brother, you have a vice of mercy in you, Which better fits a lion, than a man. Hect. What vice is that, good Troilus? chide me for it. Tro. When many times the captive Grecians fall, Even in the fan and wind of your fair sword, You bid them rise and live. Hect. Troilus, I would not have you fight to-day. Not fate, obedience, nor the hand of Mars Re-enter CASSANDRA, with PRIAM. Cas. Lay hold upon him, Priam, hold him fast: He is thy crutch; now if thou lose thy stay, Thou on him leaning, and all Troy on thee, Fall all together. Pri. Come, Hector, come, go back : Thy wife hath dream'd; thy mother hath had visions; Cassandra doth foresee; and I myself Am like a prophet suddenly enrapt, And I do stand engag'd to many Greeks, Even in the faith of valour, to appcar This morning to them. Pri. But thou shalt not go. Hect. I must not break my faith. You know me dutiful; therefore, dear sir, Let me not shame respect; but give me leave To take that course by your consent and voice, Which you do here forbid me, royal Priam. Cas. O Priam, yield not to him. And. Do not, dear father. Hect. Andromache, I am offended with you: Upon the love you bear me, get you in. [Erit ANDROMACHE. Tro. This foolish, dreaming superstitious girl Makes all these bodements. Cas. O farewell, dear Hector. Look, how thou diest! look, how thy eye turns pale! lieve, I come to lose my arm, or win my sleeve. AS TROILUS is going out, enter, from the other side, PANDARUS. Pan. Do you hear, my lord? do you hear? Tro. What now? Pan. Here's a letter from yon' poor girl. Tro. Let me read. Pan. A whoreson ptisick, a whoreson rascally ptisick so troubles me, and the foolish fortune of this girl; and what one thing, what another, that I shall leave you one o'these days: And I have a rheum in mine eyes too; and such an ache in my bones, that, unless a man were cursed, I cannot tell what to think on't.. - What says she there? Tro. Words, words, mere words, no matter from the heart; [Tearing the letter. The effect doth operate another way. ther. My love with words and errors still she feeds; But edifies another with her deeds. SCENE IV. Between Troy and the Grecian Alarums: Excursus. Enter THERSITES. Ther. Now they are clapper-clawing one another; I'll go look on. That dissembling abominable varlet, Diomed, has got that same scurvy doting foolish young knave's sleeve of Troy there in his helm: I would fain see them meet; that that same young Trojan ass, that loves the whore there, might send that Greekish whoremasterly villain, with the sleeve, back to the dissembling luxurious drab, on a sleeveless errand. O' the other side, The policy of those crafty swearing rascals, that stale old mouse-eaten dry cheese, Nestor; and that same dog-fox, Ulysses, is not proved worth a blackberry : :- They set me up, in policy, that mongrel cur, Ajax, against that dog of as bad a kind, Achilles: and now is the cur Ajax prouder than the cur Achilles, and will not arm to-day; whereupon the Grecians begin to proclaim barbarism, and policy grows into an ill opinion. Soft! here come sleeve, and t'other. |