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Nest. I would, my arms could match thee in contention,
As they contend with thee in courtesy.
Hect. I would they could.
By this white beard, I'd fight with thee to-morrow. Well, welcome, welcome! I have seen the time
Ulyss. I wonder now how yonder city stands, When we have here her base and pillar by us.
Hect. I know your favour, lord Ulysses, well. Ah, sir, there's many a Greek and Trojan dead, Since first I saw yourself and Diomed In Ilion, on your Greekish embassy.
Ulyss. Sir, I foretold you then what would
My prophecy is but half his journey yet;
A drop of Grecian blood: The end crowns all ;
To feast with me, and see me at my tent.
Achil. I shall forestall thee, lord Ulysses, thou!-— Now, Hector, I have fed mine eyes on thee: I have with exact view perus'd thee, Hector, And quoted joint by joint.
Achil. I am Achilles.
Is this Achilles?
Hect. Stand fair, I pray thee: let me look on thee.
As I would buy thee, view thee limb by limb.
Hect. O, like a book of sport thou'lt read me o'er; But there's more in me, than thou understand'st Why dost thou so oppress me with thine eye?
Achil. Tell me, you heavens, in which part of his body
Shall I destroy him? whether there, there, or there?
To answer such a question: Stand again : Think'st thou to catch my life so pleasantly,
As to prenominate in nice conjecture, Where thou wilt hit me dead?
I tell thee, yea.
Hect. Wert thou an oracle to tell me so, I'd not believe thee. Henceforth guard thee well. For I'll not kill thee there, nor there, nor there; But, by the forge that stithied Mars his helm, I'll kill thee every where, yea, o'er and o'er. — You wisest Grecians, pardon me this brag, His insolence draws folly from my lips; But I'll endeavour deed to match these words, Or may I never —
Ajax. Do not chafe thee, cousin; And you Achilles, let these threats alone, Till accident, or purpose, bring you to't: You may have every day enough of Hector, If you have stomach; the general state, I fear, Can scarce entreat you to be odd with him. Hect. I pray you, let us see you in the field; We have had pelting wars, since you refus'd The Grecians' cause.
Dost thou entreat me, Hector? To-morrow, do I meet thee, fell as death; To-night, all friends.
There in the full convive we: afterwards,
[Exeunt all but TROILUS and ULYSSES.
Tro. Shall I, sweet lord, be bound to you so much, After we part from Agamemnon's tent, To bring me thither?
Ulyss. You shall command me, sir. As gentle tell me, of what honour was This Cressida in Troy? Had she no lover there, That wails her absence?
Tro. O, sir, to such as boasting show their scars, A mock is due. Will you walk on, my lord? She was belov'd, she lov'd; she is, and doth : But, still, sweet love is food for fortune's tooth. [Exeuni.
SCENE I.-The Grecian Camp. Before Achilles'
Enter ACHILLES and PATROCLUS.
How now, thou core of envy?
Achil. I'll heat his blood with Greekish wine to- and idol of idiot worshippers, here's a letter for thee. night,
Which with my scimitar I'll cool to-morrow. Patroclus, let us feast him to the height.
Patr. Here comes Thersites.
Achil. From whence, fragment?
Ther. Why, thou full dish of fool, from Troy. Patr. Who keeps the tent now?
Ther. The surgeon's box, or the patient's wound.
Patr. Well said, Adversity! and what need these tricks?
Achil. Welcome, brave Hector; welcome, princes all.
Ther. Pr'ythee be silent, boy; I profit not by thy talk thou art thought to be Achilles' male varlet.
Patr. Male varlet, you rogue! what's that? Ther. Why, his masculine whore. Now the rotten diseases of the south, the guts griping, ruptures, catarrhs, loads o'gravel i'the back, lethargies, cold palsies, raw eyes, dirt-rotten livers, wheezing lungs, bladders full of imposthume, sciaticas, limekilns i'the palm, incurable bone-ach, and the rivelled fee-simple of the tetter, take and take again such preposterous discoveries!
Patr. Why thou damnable box of envy, thou,
what meanest thou to curse thus ?
Ther. Do I curse thee?
Achil. My sweet Patroclus, I am thwarted quite
From my great purpose in to-morrow's battle.
An oath that I have sworn. I will not break it:
[Exeunt ACHIJ LES and PATROCLUS. Ther. With too much blood and too little brain, these two may run mad; but if with too much brain, and too little blood, they do, I'll be a curer of madmen. Here's Agamemnon, · - an honest fellow enough, and one that loves quails; but he has not so much brain as ear-wax: And the goodly transformation of Jupiter there, his brother, the bull, - the primitive statue, and oblique memorial of cuckolds; a thrifty shoeing-horn in a chain, hanging at his brother's leg, to what form, but that he is, should wit larded with malice, and malice forced with wit, turn him to? To an ass, were nothing; he is both ass and ox: to an ox were nothing; he is both ox and ass. To be a dog, a mule, a cat, a fitchew, a toad, a lizard, an owl, a puttock, or a herring without a roe, I would not care but to be Menelaus, I would conspire against destiny. Ask me not what I would be, if I were not Thersites; for I care not to be the louse of a lazar, so I were not Menelaus. - Hey-day! spirits and fires!
Enter HECTOR, TROILUS, AJAX, AGAMEMNON, ULYSSES, NESTOR, MENELAUS, and DIOMED, with lights.
Agam. We go wrong, we go wrong.
There, where we see the lights.
Agam. So now, fair prince of Troy, I bid good night.
Ajax commands the guard to tend on you.
Hect. Thanks, and good night, to the Greeks' general.
Men. Good night, my lord. Hect. Good night, sweet Menelaus. Ther. Sweet draught: Sweet, quoth 'a! sweet sink, sweet sewer.
Achil. Good night,
And welcome, both to those that go, or tarry.
[Exeunt AGAMEMNON and MENELAUS. Achil. Old Nestor tarries; and you too, Diomed, Keep Hector company an hour or two.
Dio. I cannot, lord; I have important business, The tide whereof is now.-Good night, great Hector. Hect. Give me your hand. Follow his torch, he goes
To Calchas' tent; I'll keep you company.
[Aside to TROILUS. And so good night. [Erit DIOMED; ULYSS. and TRO. following. Achil. Come, come, enter my tent.
Tro. Sweet sir, you honour me.
[Exeunt ACHIL. HECTOR, AJAX, and NEST. Ther. That same Diomed's a false-hearted rogue, a most unjust knave; I will no more trust him when he leers, than I will a serpent when he hisses: he will spend his mouth, and promise, like Brabler the hound; but when he performs, astronomers foretell it; it is prodigious, there will come some change; the sun borrows of the moon, when Diomed keeps his word. I will rather leave to see Hector, than not to dog him: they say, he keeps a Trojan drab, and uses the traitor Calchas' tent: I'll after. Nothing but lechery! all incontinent varlets! [Exit.
No, yonder 'tis ;
Nay, but do then;
I trouble you.
Ajar. No, not a whit. Ulyss.
Here comes himself to guide you.
And let your mind be coupled with your words.
Tro. What should she remember?
Tro. Let it not be believ'd for womanhood! Think, we had mothers; do not give advantage To stubborn criticks - apt, without a theme, For depravation, -to square the general sex By Cressid's rule: rather think this not Cressid. Ulyss. What hath she done, prince, that can soil our mothers?
Tro. Nothing at all, unless that this were she. Ther. Will he swagger himself out on's own eyes?
Tro. This she? no, this is Diomed's Cressida : If beauty have a soul, this is not she;
If souls guide vows, if vows be sanctimony,
If there be rule in unity itself,
This was not she. O madness of discourse,
And with another knot, five-finger-tied,
In characters as red as Mars his heart
Ther. He'll tickle it for his concupy.
Ene. I have been seeking you this hour, my lord:
Hector, by this, is arming him in Troy ;
Farewell, revolted fair! — and, Diomed,
Tro. Accept distracted thanks.
[Exeunt TROILUS, ENEAS, and ULYSSFS Ther. 'Would, I could meet that rogue Diomed! I would croak like a raven; I would bode, I would bode. Patroclus will give me any thing for the intelligence of this whore: the parrot will not do more for an almond, than he for a commodious drab. Lechery, lechery; still, wars and lechery; nothing else holds fashion: A burning devil take [Exit.
How now, young man? mean'st thou to fight to-day And. Cassandra, call my father to persuade. [Erit CASSANDra.
Hect. No, 'faith, young Troilus; doff thy harness,
I am to-day i'the vein of chivalry:
Let grow thy sinews till their knots be strong,
Tro. Brother, you have a vice of mercy in you, Which better fits a lion, than a man.
Hect. What vice is that, good Troilus? chide me for it.
Tro. When many times the captive Grecians fall, Even in the fan and wind of your fair sword, You bid them rise and live.
Hect. Troilus, I would not have you fight to-day.
Not fate, obedience, nor the hand of Mars
Re-enter CASSANDRA, with PRIAM.
Cas. Lay hold upon him, Priam, hold him fast: He is thy crutch; now if thou lose thy stay, Thou on him leaning, and all Troy on thee, Fall all together.
Come, Hector, come, go back : Thy wife hath dream'd; thy mother hath had
Hect. And I do stand engag'd to many Greeks, Even in the faith of valour, to appear This morning to them.
But thou shalt not go. Hect. I must not break my faith. You know me dutiful; therefore, dear sir, Let me not shame respect; but give me leave To take that course by your consent and voice, Which you do here forbid me, royal Priam. Cas. O Priam, yield not to him. And. Do not, dear father. Hect. Andromache, I am offended with you : Upon the love you bear me, get you in.
[Erit ANDROMACHE. Tro. This foolish, dreaming superstitious girl Makes all these bodements.
O farewell, dear Hector.
Tro. They are at it; hark! Proud Diomed, believe,
I come to lose my arm, or win my sleeve.
AS TROILUS is going out, enter, from the other side,
Pan. Do you hear, my lord? do you hear?
Pan. Here's a letter from yon' poor girl.
Pan. A whoreson ptisick, a whoreson rascally ptisick so troubles me, and the foolish fortune of this girl; and what one thing, what another, that I shall leave you one o'these days: And I have a rheum in mine eyes too; and such an ache in my bones, that, unless a man were cursed, I cannot tell what to think on't. What says she there?
Words, words, mere words, no matter from
The effect doth operate another way.
Go, wind, to wind, there turn and change toge
My love with words and errors still she feeds; But edifies another with her deeds.
Between Troy and the Grecian
Alarums: Excursions. Enter THERSITES.
Ther. Now they are clapper-clawing one another; I'll go look on. That dissembling abominable varlet, Diomed, has got that same scurvy doting foolish young knave's sleeve of Troy there in his helm: I would fain see them meet; that that same young Trojan ass, that loves the whore there, might send that Greekish whoremasterly villain, with the sleeve, back to the dissembling luxurious drab, on a sleeveless errand. O' the other side, The policy of those crafty swearing rascals, - that stale old mouse-eaten dry cheese, Nestor; and that same dog-fox, Ulysses, —is not proved worth a blackberry : — They set me up, in policy, that mongrel cur, Ajax, against that dog of as bad a kind, Achilles: and now is the cur Ajax prouder than the cur Achilles, and will not arm to-day; whereupon the Grecians begin to proclaim barbarism, and policy grows into an ill opinion. Soft! here come sleeve, and t'other.
Enter DIOMEDES, TROILUS following. Tro. Fly not; for, shouldst thou take the rive Styx,
Look, how thou diest! look, how thy eye turns pale! I would swim after.