little was I rightly acquainted with the way of being about duty, and leaving events to God, or making a difference between what was necessary and what was superfluous, [so as to be] about these necessary things, in the way of God, without distraction; as, doubtless, the believer may attain to, when he goes about them upon spiritual considerations and for spiritual ends.

A main consideration in my present case, and frequently obvious to my thoughts, [was this:]-that I was eminently called of God, to better ordering of my whole conversation, in walking with him all the day long,-watching unto prayer,-observing every motion and outgoing of the heart, and admitting or rejecting them, according as they were conformable, or not, with the rule :—as also in prayer, when [it is] to be gone about, either apart or together with others, to observe the motions of God's Spirit to enlargement; and, though I durst not conclude upon this, as a rule, namely, not to pray, but when enlargement and inclination was thereto beforehand given, seeing it many times comes at the time, and not before venturing on the duty;-yet, so to walk in every particular, in doing and saying, as that nothing may escape, which may be feared to obstruct enlargement in prayer:-and, on the other hand, so to observe every passage in my whole conversation throughout the day, and every motion of the Spirit, as thereby the mind may be stored with good matter;-and so may enlargement be warrantably waited for. Thus, to be in the fear of the Lord all the day long, Prov. xxiii. 17, is the highway to it; for so it is promised, Isai. Ix. 5, "Thy heart shall fear and be enlarged." Without this, whatever fits or flashes of enlargement

may be at times attained to; yet, no fixedness, for staying the heart in prayer upon God, is attainable. And ordinarily, according to the measure and proportion of the heart's being stayed on God, between the times of prayer, in close walking with him, so does it attain this fixedness and enlargement in time of prayer.

But here, it is to be observed, that, in my case, not only fixedness and enlargement [seem suspended, or removed from me,] but even words also, many times, so that I could not speak a word; and yet I could not tell wherefore, or how, it was thus with me: insomuch, that, upon the 6th of December, I was necessitated to desire of Mr. James Simpson, my fellow-prisoner, to forbear to press me any more to perform that duty of praying publicly, as I was before accustomed to do, in our little prison-family. I was above a month under this exercise, before I did adventure thus to desire to be forborne, fearing to be mistaken by him, and to give him offence. But, having informed him a little of my case, and of the weakness and great infirmity of my body; and having a little reasoned with him, about labouring to have our hearts more in a fittedness and disposition for prayer, before venturing so rashly on it as ordinarily we do;-some discourse of this kind having past, at last, he agreed for some time to forbear me. [SEE APPENDIX, LL.]

Upon the 13th of December, my heart was some way enlarged in private prayer, and therewith was I desiring to be comforted; but with this caution, that I should beware of placing too much of my satisfaction and comfort, upon enlargement and liberty given in prayer. For, though this be a rich mercy, for which God is to be praised, and for which the

heart may rejoice and be comforted,-[as the Psalmist saith,] I love the Lord, because he hath heard my voice and my supplications," [and as Elihu,] "I will speak, that I may be refreshed," (for much refreshment may and does come that way ;)—yet the person and the prayer may both be very acceptable, when this is wanting. Faith is commonly most alive, when sense is least satisfied; humility, and the like rooting and bedewing graces, do then ordinarily most abound. And if thus the heart does find it, or has hope (though not presently, yet afterwards) so to find it, there may be comfort in this case; for, this may be a part of that "peaceable fruit of righteousness," which the sad affliction of apparent desertion shall in due time bring forth. Heb. xii. 11. And therefore, [such an one] should be most stirred up and lively, when sense is least satisfied, [as is intimated in] Isai. 1. 10,

Who is among you that feareth the Lord, that obeyeth the voice of his servant, that walketh in darkness, and hath no light? let him trust in the name of the Lord and stay upon his God."

The 15th day, I was advertised, that my daughter Sarah departed this life upon the 9th day, she having been long sick. I was desiring of the Lord, as I could, to have this addition of exercise sanctified to me, and to my wife and the rest of my family.

I had been, for some time before that day, seeking of the Lord for mercy to my son Alexander, that he may be helped to come out of a snare that I fear he is in; and that I may be helped, to fall upon the right way of dealing with him in that matter; that his innocency or guiltiness may be made appear, and he not suffered, if guilty, to deny or cover his sin, nor I too sharply to challenge him, if innocent. My

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heart was some way exercised towards him with fear and love, upon reading that Scripture, Prov. xxviii. 13, "He that covereth his sins shall not prosper; but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy;" and so, found it my duty, with all diligence to prosecute that matter, until it be in God's time brought to light.

CHAPTER XI.

1661: ALEXANDER JAFFRAY LAMENTS HIS DULL CONDITION-THE VOICE OF GOD IN THE CONSCIENCE-THE VIEWS OF ALEXANDER JAFFRAY AT THIS PERIOD RESPECTING THE PEOPLE CALLED QUAKERS-THE EARL OF MIDDLETON MOVES IN PARLIAMENT FOR HIS ENLARGEMENT FROM THE TOLBOOTH OF EDINBURGH-ON MINDING THE DAWNINGS OF THE LIGHT OF CHRIST-THE OCCASION OF HIS IMPRISONMENT-HE IS CITED TO APPEAR BEFORE PARLIAMENT THE SAD CASE OF PROFESSORS; WITH HIS OWN SITUATION, AS COMPARED WITH THAT OF BARUCH, IN JEREMIAH, xlv. 2, &c.

THE most part of a month following, my time was spent without any advantage or progress made in the way of holiness, or prevailing over corruption; but sin rather prevailing over me, my deadness and dulness of heart continuing:-this makes me sometimes fear much, what may be the event of such a sad case; [especially] at a time, when vigour and liveliness was never more called for, nor more looked for. O that I knew, in this desertion as to sense, how I am called to live by faith; and to believe, that He who will not take his holy Spirit from me, will also in due time restore unto me the joy of his salvation! When I have sufficiently and experimentally found, how evil and bitter a thing sin is, how soon shall I, through grace, have attained to the right exercise of this my sad condition!-then may I confidently wait for the out-get as not far off. The vision is for the appointed time, Hab. ii. 3,-he that believes makes no haste, Isai. xxviii. 16; yet in chap. li. ver. 14, it is said, "The captive exile hasteneth that he may be loosed, and that he should not die in the pit, nor that his bread should fail ;"-yea, and in that case, he'll even bid God make haste to help him,