Kite. He is a jewel, brother. I took him of a child, up, at my door, Since bred him at the hospital; where proving Down. So would not I, in any bastard's, brother, As, it is like, he is, although I knew Down. What need this circumstance? Pray you, be direct. Kite. I will not say how much I do ascribe Down. You are too tedious; come to the mat- Kite. Then, without further ceremony, thus. But all he did became him as his own, So loose, affected, and deprived of grace, He makes my house, here, common as a mart, Swear, leap, drink, dance, and revel night by night, Controul my servants; and, indeed, what not! Down. 'Sdains, I know not what I should say to him in the whole world! he values me at a cracked three-farthings, for aught I see. It will never out of the flesh, that's bred in the bong! I have told him enough, one would think, if that would serve. Well! he knows what to trust to, for George. Let him spend and spend, and do mineer, till his heart ache; an' he think to be relieved by me, when he is got into one of your city-ponds, the counters, he has the wrong sow by the ear, i'faith, and claps his dish at a wrong man's door. I'll lay my hand o' my halfpenny, ere I part with it, to fetch him out, I'll assure him. Kite. Nay, good brother, let it not trouble you thus. Down. 'Sdeath, he mads me--I could eat my very spur-leathers, for anger! But, why are you so tame? Why do not you speak to him, and tell him how he disquiets your house? Kite. O, there are divers reasons to dissuade, brother; But, would yourself vouchsafe to travail in it, Nay, more than this, brother; if I should speak, My brother purposely, thereby to find Kite. Brother, they would, believe it: so should I, Like one of these penurious quack-salvers, Enter MATTHEW and BOBADIL. Bob. Speak to him! Away! by the foot of Pharoah, you shall not; you shall not do him that grace. The time of day to you, gentleman of the house. Is Mr Well-bred stirring 1 Down. How, then? what should he do? Bob. Gentleman of the house, it is to you: is he within, sir? Kite. He came not to his lodgings to-night, sir, I assure you. Down. Why, do you hear? you! Bob. The gentleman-citizen hath satisfied me. I'll talk to no scavenger. [Exeunt BOBADIL and MATTHEW. Down. How! scavenger! stay, sir, stay! Kite. Nay, brother Downright! Down. 'Heart! stand you away, an' you love me. Kite. You shall not follow him, now, I pray you, brother; good faith, you shall not: I will overrule you. Down. Ha! scavenger! Well, go to, I say little: but, by this good day, (God forgive me I should swear), if I put up so, say, I am the rankest cow that ever pissed. 'Sdains, and I swallow this, I'll ne'er draw my sword in the sight of Fleet-street again, while I live. I'll sit in a barn with Madge Howlet, and catch mice first. Scavenger! 'Heart, and I'll go near to fill that huge tumbrel-slop of yours, with somewhat, an' I have good luck. "Your Garagantua breech cannot carry it away so. Kite. Oh! do not fret yourself thus ! never think on it. Down. These are my brother's consorts, these! these are his comrades, his walking mates! he is a gallant, a cavaliero, too, right hangman cut! Let me not live, an' I could not find in my heart to swinge the whole gang of them, one after another, and begin with him first. I am grieved it should be said he is my brother, and take these courses. Well, as he brews, so he shall drink, for George, again. Yet, he shall hear on it, and that tightly, too, an' I live, in faith. Kite. But, brother, let your reprehension, then, Run in an easy current, not o'er high Carried with rashness, or devouring choler; But rather use the soft persuading way, More winning than enforcing the consent. Down. Ay, ay, let me alone for that, I warrant you. [Bell rings. Kite. How now! Oh, the bell rings for breakfast. Brother, I pray you, go in, and bear my wife Enter COB, with a Tankard. Would I had lost this finger, at a venture, Against her single peace? No, no. Beware. Enter Dame KITELY. Dame. Sister Bridget, pray you fetch down the rose-water above in the closet. Sweetheart, will you come in to breakfast? Kite. An' she have overheard me now! [Aside. Dame. I pray thee, good muss, we stay for you. Kite. By Heaven, I would not for a thousand angels. [Aside. Dame. What ail you, sweetheart? are you not well? Speak, good muss. Kite. Troth, my head aches extremely, on a sudden. Dame. Oh, the lord! Kite. How now! what! Dame. Alas, how it burns! Muss, keep you warm; good truth it is this new disease! there's a number are troubled withal! For love's sake, sweetheart, come in out of the air. Kite. How simple, and how subtle are her answers! A new disease, and many troubled with it! Why true! she heard me, all the world to nothing. Dame. I pray thee, good sweetheart, come in; the air will do you harm, in troth. Kite. The air! she has me in the wind! Sweetheart, I'll come to you presently; 'twill away, Kite. What, Cob? our maids will have you by I hope. the back, i'faith, For coming so late this morning. Cob. Perhaps so, sir; take heed, somebody have not them by the belly, for walking so late in the evening. Kite, Well, yet my troubled spirit's somewhat Though not reposed in that security Dame. Pray Heaven it do. [Exit. Kite. A new disease! I know not new or old, But it may well be called poor mortals' plague: For, like a pestilence, it doth infect The houses of the brain. First, it begins Solely to work upon the phantasy, Filling her seat with such pestiferous air As soon corrupts the judgment, and from thence Sends like contagion to the memory; Still to each other giving the infection, Which, as a subtle vapour, spreads itself SCENE II-Moorfields. Enter BRAIN-WORM, disguised as a Soldier. Brain. 'Slid, I cannot choose but laugh to see myself translated thus. From a poor creature to a creator; for now must I create an intolerable sort of lies, or my present profession loses the grace; and yet the lie to a man of my coat, is as ominous a fruit as the Fico. O, sir, it holds for good polity ever, to have that outwardly in vilest estimation, that inwardly is most dear to us. So much for my borrowed shape.-Well, the troth is, my old master intends to follow my young, dry-foot, over Moorfields to London this morning: now I, knowing of this hunting match, or rather conspiracy, and to insinuate with my young master (for so must we, that are blue-waiters, and men of hope and service do, or perhaps we may wear motley at the year's end, and who wears motley, you know,) have got me afore in this disguise, determining here to lie in ambuscade, and intercept him in the mid-way. If I can but get his cloak, his purse, his hat, nay any thing to cut him off, that is, to stay his journey-Veni, vidi, vici, I may say with captain Cæsar; I am made for ever, i'faith. Well, now must I practise to get the true garb of one of those lance-knights, my arm here, and my-Young master! and his cousin, master Stephen, as I am a true counterfeit man of war, and no soldier! [Retires. E. Kno. How by St Peter? I do not conceive that. Step. Marry, St Peter, to make up the metre. E. Kno. Well, there the saint was your good patron; he helped you at your need: thank him, thank him. Brain. I cannot take leave of them so; I will venture, come what will.-Gentlemen, please you change a few crowns, for a very excellent good blade, here? I am a poor gentleman, a soldier, one that, in the better state of my fortunes, scorned so mean a refuge, but now it is the humour of necessity to have it so. You seem to be, gentlemen, well affected to martial men, else should I rather die with silence than live with shame however, vouchsafe to remember, it is my want speaks, not myself. This condition agrees not with my spirit. E. Kno. Where hast thou served ? Brain. May it please you, sir, in all the late wars of Bohemia, Hungaria, Dalmatia, Poland; where not, sir? I have been a poor servitor by sea and land, any time these fourteen years, and followed the fortunes of the best commanders in Christendom. I was twice shot at the taking of Aleppo, once at the relief of Vienna; I have been at Marseilles, Naples, and the Adriatic Gulf; a gentleman-slave in the galleys thrice, where I was most dangerously shot in the head, through both the thighs, and yet being thus maimed, I am void of maintenance; nothing left me but my scars, the noted marks of my resolution. Step. How will you sell this rapier, friend? Brain. Generous sir, I refer it to your own judgment; you are a gentleman, give me what you please. Step. True, I am a gentleman, I know that, friend: but what though? I pray you say, what would you ask? Brain. I assure you the blade may become the side, or thigh, of the best prince in Europe. Enter ED. KNO'WELL and Master STEPHEN. E. Kno. Aye, with a velvet scabbard, I think. Step. Nay, an't be mine, it shall have a velvet scabbard, coz, that's flat: I would not wear it as Step. I cannot tell: stay. Brain. 'Slid, I am afraid they will know me! E. Kno. What, ha' you it? Step. Oh, 'tis here---No, an' it had been lost, sent me. E. Kno. A jet ring! oh, the poesy, the poesy! Step. Fine, i'faith! Though fancy sleep, my love is deep; meaning, that though I did not fancy her, yet she loved me dearly. E. Kno. Most excellent! Step. And, then, I sent her another, and my poesy was: The deeper the sweeter, I'll be judged by St Peter. Brain. At your worship's pleasure, sir; nay, 'tis a most pure Toledo. Step. I had rather it were a Spaniard ; but tell me, what shall I give you for it?" An' it had a silver hilt E. Kno. Come, come, you shall not buy it; hold, there's a shilling, fellow; take thy rapier. Step. Why, but I will buy it now, because you say so; and there's another shilling, fellow, I scorn to be outbidden. What, shall I walk with a cudgel, like a higginbottom, and may have a rapier for money? E. Kno. You may buy one in the city. Step. Tut, I'll buy this i' the field, so I will; I have a mind to't, because 'tis a field rapier. Tell me your lowest price. E. Kno. You shall not buy it, I say. Step. By this money but I will, though I give more than 'tis worth. Preceding still with my gray gluttony, [Exeunt. At all the ord'naries, and only fear'd Kno. I cannot lose the thought yet of this letter, Sent to my son; nor leave to admire the change rents, That did destroy the hopes in our own children; Or they not learned our vices in their cradles, And suck'd in our ill customs with their milk. Ere all their teeth be born, or they can speak, We make their pallats cunning. The first words We form their tongues with, are licentious jests. Can it call whore? Cry bastard? O, then kiss it, A witty child! Can't swear? The father's darling! Give it two plums. Nay, rather than it shall learn No bawdy song, the mother herself will teach it! And heart, in some: and rather than it should not, Note what we fathers do! look how we live! Hear our lascivious courtships, see our dalliance, His palate should degenerate, not his manners. And swift, to rape youth to their precipice. If he will live abroad with his companions, Enter BRAIN-WORM. Brain. My master! nay, faith, have at you; I am fleshed now, I have sped so well; though I must attack you in a different way.-Worshipful sir, I beseech you, respect the state of a poor soldier! I am ashamed of this base course of life, (God's my comfort) but extremity provokes me to't: what remedy? Kno. I have not for you. Brain. By the faith I bear unto truth, gentleman, it is no ordinary custom in me, but only to preserve manhood. _ I protest to you, a man I have been, a man I may be, by your sweet bounty. Kno. Prithee, good friend, be satisfied. Brain. Good sir, by that hand you may do the part of a kind gentleman, in lending a poor soldier the price of two cans of beer, a matter of small value; the King of Heaven shall pay you, and I shall rest thankful: sweet worship Kno. Nay, an' you be so importunateBrain. Oh, tender sir, need will have his course! I was not made to this vile use! Well, the edge of the enemy could not have abated me so much. [He weeps. It's hard, when a man hath served in his prince's cause, to be thus-honourable worship, let me derive small piece of silver from you; it shall not be given in the course of time. By this good ground, I was fain to pawn my rapier last night for a poor supper; Î had sucked the hilt long before, I am a pagan else: sweet honour! Kno. Believe me, I am taken with some won der, To think a fellow of thy outward presence, Either the wars might still supply thy wants, More, boy, than my lord's letter. Neither have I Or honest labour: nay, what can I name, But would become thee better than to beg! While thou insist in this loose desperate course, Kno. Aye, you would gladly find it, but you will not seek it. Brain. Alas! sir, where should a man seek? in the wars there's no ascent by desert in these days, but—and for service, would it were as soon purchased as wished for! (the air's my comfort) I know what I would say Kno. What's thy name? Brain. Please you, Fitz-Sword, sir. Say that a man should entertain thee now, Kno. Nay, nay, I like not those affected oaths! SCENE I-Stocks-Market. Speak plainly, man: what think'st thou of my words? Brain. Nothing, sir, but wish my fortunes were as happy, as my service should be honest. Kno. Well, follow me; I will prove thee, if thy deeds will carry a proportion to thy words. [Exit. Brain. Yes, sir, straight: I will but garter my hose. Oh! that my belly were hooped now, for I am ready to burst with laughing! Never was a bottle or bag-pipe fuller. S'lid! was there ever seen a fox in years to betray himself thus? Now I shall be possessed of all his counsels! and by that conduct my young master. Well, he is resolved to prove my honesty; faith, and I am resolved to prove his patience. Oh, I shall abuse him intolerably! This small piece of service will bring him clean out of love with the soldier for ever. He will never come within the sight of a red coat, or a musket-rest again. He will hate the musters at Mile-end to his dying day. It's no matter; let the world think ne a bad counterfeit, if I cannot give him the slip at an instant. Why, this is better than to have staid his jour ney! Well, I will follow him. Oh, how I long to be employed! ACT III. Enter MATTHEW, WELL-BRED, and BOBADIL. Mat. Yes, faith, sir! we were at your lodging to seek you too. Well. Oh, I came not there to-night. Bob. Your brother delivered us as much. Weil. Who? My brother Down-right? Bob. He. Mr Well-bred, I know not in what kind you hold me; but let me say to you this: as sure as honour, I esteem it so much out of the sunshine of reputation, to throw the least beam of regard upon such a Well. Sir, I must hear no ill words of my brother. Bob. I protest to you, as I have a thing to be saved about me, I never saw any gentleman-like part Well. Good captain, [faces about.] to some other discourse. Bob. With your leave, sir, an' there were no more men living upon the face of the earth, I should not fancy him, by St George. Mat. Troth, nor I; he is of a rustical cut, I know not how he doth not carry himself like a gentleman of fashion Well. Oh, Master Matthew, that is a grace peculiar but to a few, quos æquus amavit Jupiter. Mat. I understand you, sir. Enter Young KNO'WELL and STEPHEN. Well. No question you do, or you do not, sir. Ned Kno'well! By my soul, welcome! How dost thou, sweet spirit, my genius? 'Slid, I shall love [Exit. Apollo and the mad Thespian girls the better, while I live for this, my dear fury. Now I see there's some love in thee! Sirrah, these be the two I writ to thee of. Nay, what a drowsy humour is this now! Why dost thou not speak? E. Kno. Oh, you are a fine gallant; you sent me a rare letter. Wet. Why, was it not rare? E. Kno. Yes, I'll be sworn; I was never guilty of reading the like. Match it in all Pliny's epistles, and I'll have my judgment burned in the ear for a rogue; make much of thy vein, for it is inimitable. But I marvel what camel it was that had the carriage of it, for, doubtless, he was no ordinary beast that brought it. Well. Why? E. Kno. Why, sayest thou? Why, dost thou think that any reasonable creature, especially in the morning, the sober time of the day too, could have mistaken my father for me? Well. 'Slid, you jest, I hope. E. Kno. Indeed, the best use we can turn it to, is to make a jest on't now; but I'll assure you, my father had the full view of your flourishing style, before I saw it. Well. What a dull slave was this! But, sirrah, what said he to it, i'faith? E. Kno. Nay, I know not what he said: but I have a shrewd guess what he thought. Well. What, what? E. Kno. Marry, that thou art some strange, dissolute young fellow, and I not a grain or two better, for keeping thee company. Well. Tut! that thought is like the moon in |