alive, ho!" The founds ftruck the absent man, and ran in his head fo much, that when he began to read the service, and came to the words in the first verfe," and doeth that which is lawful and right, he fhall fave his foul alive," he cried out, with a louder voice, "fhall fave his foul alive! All alive! alive, ho!" to the aftonishment of the congregation.

A Convert,

A Methodist in America, bragging how well he had inftructed fome Indians in religion, called up one of them, and, after fome questions, afked him if he had not found great comfort laft Sunday, after receiving the facrament. "Aye, mafter," replied the favage, "but I wifhed it had been brandy."

An ignorant Communicant.

An ignorant foldier at Quebec, obferving fome of his comrades ftay behind him at church, asked them, on their coming out, what was the reafon? They told him jeeringly, that the parfon had treated them with fome wine. "No other liquor?" fays the fellow. Seeing he fwallowed the bait, they anfwered, that he might have what liquor he chofe. Next Sunday he stayed to have his fhare; and when the clergyman offered him the wine, he put up his hand to his head, in token of falutation, and faid modeftly, "Please your reverence, I should prefer punch."

French

French Bull.

A married French lady, who had an intrigue, infifted on having her lover's portrait. He remonftrated on her abfurdity, and faid it would be proclaiming their amour. "Oh," faid fhe, but to prevent a discovery, it shall not be drawn like you."

Court Politeffe.

When Lord Townfend was fecretary of state to George the Firft, fome city dames came to vifit his lady, with whom she was little acquainted. Meaning to be mighty civil, and return their vifits, fhe afked one of them where fhe lived ? The other replied, near Aldermanbury. "Oh," cried Lady Townsend, "I hope the Alderman is well:"

Hob and Nob.

Some words are locally perverted to bad fenfes. Hob and Nob muft be of the number. Lord * * * being in the country, and wifhing to fhew great regard to a ruftic gentleman of fome influence, he was invited to dine, along with a numerous and elegant company, and placed at my lady's right hand. The lady, in the midst of dinner, called for a glass of wine to drink with her new gueft, and holding it towards him, as then the fashion, faid, "Hob and The gentleman stared, and blushed up to the eyes. She thinking it was mere timidity, repeated the words, and the gentleman

و * * * .Nob, Mr

D3

gentleman looking if poffible more confufed, The coloured herself; when he, after much hefitation, whispered, "Madam, excufe me, but I never hob and nob except with my wife."

Duchefs of Bolton.

The duchefs dowager of Bolton, who was natural daughter to the duke of Monmouth, ufed to divert George the First, by affecting to make blunders. Once when she had been at the play of "Love's Laft Shift," he called it, La derniere Chemife de l'Amour. Another time fhe pretended to come to court in a great fright, and the king afking the cause, fhe faid fhe had been at Mr. Whifton's, who told her the world would be burnt in three years; and for her part the was determined to go to China.

The King of Bulls.

I will give you what I call the king of bulls. An Irish baronet, walking out with a gentleman, who told me the ftory, was met by his nurfe, who requested charity. The baronet exclaimed vehemently, "I will give you nothing. You played me a fcandalous trick in my infancy. The old woman, in amazement, asked him what injury fhe had done him? He answered, "I was a fine boy, and you changed me."

In this bull even perfonal identity is confounded!

Convenient Courage.

A certain earl having beaten Antony Henley, at Tunbridge, for fome impertinence, the next

day

day found Henley beating another perfon. The peer congratulated Henley on that acquifition of fpirit. "Oh, my lord," replied Henley, your lordship and I know whom to beat."

Lord William Poulet.

Lord William Poulet, though often chairman of committees of the house of commons, was a great dunce, and could fcarce read. Being to read a bill for naturalizing Jemima, duchefs of Kent, he called her, Jeremiah, duchefs of Kent.

Having heard South Walls commended for ripening fruit, he shewed all the four fides of his garden for fouth walls.

A gentleman writing to defire a fine horfe he had, offered him any equivalent. Lord William replied, that the horse was at his fervice, but he did not know what to do with an elephant.

A pamphlet, called "The Snake in the Grafs,” being reported (probably in joke) to be written. by this Lord William Poulet, a gentleman, abused in it, sent him a challenge. Lord William profeffed his innocence, and that he was not the author; but the gentleman would not be fatisfied without a denial under his hand. Lord William took a pen, and began, "This is to fcratify, that the buk called the Snak"-"Oh, my lord," faid the perfon, "I am fatisfied; your lordship has already convinced me you did. not write the book."

Letter written foon after Horace Walpole, by the death of his Nephew, had fucceeded to the Title of Earl of Orford.

DEAR SIR,

Berkley-fquare, Dec. 26, 1791*

As I am fure of the fincerity of your congratulations, I feel much obliged by them; though what has happened destroys my tranquillity; and if what the world reckons advantageous, could compenfate the loss of peace and ease, would ill indemnify me, even by them. A fmall eftate, loaded with debt, and of which I do not understand the management, and am too old to learn; a fource of law-fuits amongst my near relations, though not affecting me; endlefs converfations with lawyers; and packets of letters every day to read and answer: all this weight of business is too much for the rag of life that yet hangs about me; and was preceded by three weeks of anxiety about my unfortunate nephew, and a daily correfpondence with phyficians, and mad doctors, calling upon me when I had been out of order ever fince July fuch a mafs of troubles made me very feriously ill for fome days, and has left me, and ftill keeps me, fo weak and difpirited, that if I fhall not foon be able to get fome repose, my poor head or body will not be able to resist. For the

:

empty title, I trust you do not suppose it any thing but an incumbrance, by larding my bufy mornings with idle vifits of interruption, and which, when I am able to go out, I fhall be orced to return. Surely no man of seventy

four,