were no longer in my hands; that I was no more to practise the glance of command, or the frown of prohibition; to receive the tribute of fighs and praises, or be foothed with the gentle murmurs of amorous timidity. My opinion was now unheard, and my proposals were unregarded; the narrownefs of my knowledge, and the meannefs of my fentiments, were easily discovered, when the eyes were no longer engaged against the judgment; and it was obferved, by those who had formerly been charmed with my vivacious loquacity, that my understanding was impaired as well as my face, and that I was no longer qualified to fill a place in any company but a party at cards. It is fcarcely to be imagined how foon the mind finks to a level with the condition. I, who had long confidered all who approached me as vaffals condemned to regulate their pleasures by my eyes, and harass their inventions for my entertainment, was in less than three weeks reduced to receive a ticket with profeffions of obligation; to catch with eagerness at a compliment; and to watch with all the anxiousness of dependance, left any little civility that was paid me should pass unacknowledged. Though the negligence of the men was not very pleafing when compared with vows and adoration, yet it was far more fupportable than the infolence of my own fex. For the firft ten months after my return into the world, I never entered a single house in which the memory of my downfal was not revived. At one place I was congratulated on my escape with life; at another I heard of the benefits of early inoculation; by fome I have been told in exprefs terms, that that I am not yet without my charms; others have whispered at my entrance, This is the celebrated beauty. One told me of a wash that would smooth the fkin; and another offered me her chair that I might not front the light. Some foothed me with the observation that none can tell how foon my case may be her own; and fome thought it proper to receive me with mournful tenderness, formal condolance, and confolatory blandifhments. Thus was I every day haraffed with all the ftratagems of well-bred malignity; yet infolence was more tolerable than folitude, and I therefore perfifted to keep my time at the doors of my acquaintance, without gratifying them with any appearance of refentment or depreffion. I expected that their exultation would in time vapour away; that the joy of their fuperiority would end with its novelty; and that I should be fuffered to glide along in my prefent form among the namelefs multitude, whom nature never intended to excite envy or admiration, nor enabled to delight the eye or enflame the heart. This was naturally to be expected, and this I began to experience. But when I was no longer agi tated by the perpetual ardour of refiftance and effort of perfeverance, I found more fenfibly the want of thofe entertainments which had formerly delighted me; the day rofe upon me without an engagement; and the evening clofed in its natural gloom, without fummoning me to a concert or a ball. None had any care to find amusements for me, and I had no power of amusing myself. Idleness expofed me to melancholy, and life began to languifh in motionless indifference. Mifery and shame are nearly allied. It was not without many struggles that I prevailed on myself to confefs my uneafinefs to Euphemia, the only friend who had never pained me with comfort or with pity. I at last laid my calamities before her, rather to ease my heart than receive affiftance. "We muft dif tinguish," faid fhe, "my Victoria, thofe evils which " are imposed by providence, from thofe to which "we ourselves give the power of hurting us. Of "your calamity, a fmall part is the infliction of "Heaven, the reft is little more than the corrosion "of idle difcontent. You have loft that which may "indeed fometimes contribute to happiness, but to "which happiness is by no means infeparably an"nexed. You have loft what the greater number of "the human race never have poffeffed; what those "on whom it is bestowed for the most part poffefs " in vain; and what you, while it was yours, knew "not how to use: you have only loft early what "the laws of nature forbid you to keep long, and "have loft it while your mind is yet flexible, and "while you have time to fubftitute more valuable " and more durable excellencies. Confider yourself, "my Victoria, as a being born to know, to reason, " and to act; rife at once from your dream of me lancholy to wisdom and to piety; you will find "that there are other charms than thofe of beauty, "and other joys than the praise of fools.” I am, SIR, &c. VICTORIA. NUMB. 134. SATURDAY, June 29, 1751. Quis fcit, an adjiciant hodiernæ craftina fummæ Tempora Di fuperi! Who knows if Heav'n, with ever-bounteous pow'r, HOR. FRANCIS. SAT yesterday morning employed in deliberat morning ing on which, among the various subjects that occurred to my imagination, I should bestow the paper of to-day. After a fhort effort of meditation by which nothing was determined, I grew every moment more irrefolute, my ideas wandered from the first intention, and I rather wished to think, than thought, upon any fettled fubject; till at laft I was awakened from this dream of study by a fummons from the prefs: the time was come for which I had been thus negligently purpofing to provide, and, however dubious or fluggish, I was now neceffitated to write. Though to a writer whofe defign is fo comprehenfive and miscellaneous, that he may accommodate himself with a topick from every fcene of life, or view of nature, it is no great aggravation of his task to be obliged to a fudden compofition; yet I could not forbear to reproach myfelf for having fo long neglected what was unavoidably to be done, and of which every moment's idlenefs increased the difficulty. There was however fome pleasure in reflecting that I, who had only trifled till diligence was necef fary, fary, might still congratulate myself upon my fuperiority to multitudes, who have trifled till diligence is vain; who can by no degree of activity or refolution recover the opportunities which have flipped away; and who are condemned by their own carelefnefs to hopeless calamity and barren forrow. The folly of allowing ourselves to delay what we know cannot be finally efcaped, is one of the general weakneffes, which, in fpite of the inftruction of moralifts, and the remonftrances of reafon, prevail to a greater or less degree in every mind: even they who most steadily withstand it, find it, if not the most violent, the most pertinacious of their paffions, always renewing its attacks, and though often vanquifhed, never destroyed. It is indeed natural to have particular regard to the time prefent, and to be moft folicitous for that which is by its nearness enabled to make the strongest impreffions. When therefore any fharp pain is to be fuffered, or any formidable danger to be incurred, we can scarcely exempt ourselves wholly from the seducements of imagination; we readily believe that another day will bring fome fupport or advantage which we now want; and are easily perfuaded, that the moment of neceffity which we defire never to arrive, is at a great distance from us. Thus life is languifhed away in the gloom of anxiety, and confumed in collecting refolution which the next morning diffipates; in forming purposes which we scarcely hope to keep, and reconciling ourfelves to our own cowardice by excufes, which, while we admit them, we know to be abfurd. Our VOL. V. D d firmness |