fuge; for to endeavour to vindicate my crimes, Oh, Melissa, this is too much! Thus let me would show a greater want of virtue than show my thanks and gratitude; for bere t even the commission of them. Mel. Oh, Gayless! 'twas poor to impose upon a woman, and one that loved you too. Gay. Oh, most unpardonable; but my ne cessities Sharp. And mine, madam, were not to be matched, I'm sure, o'this side starving. only due. [Kneels; she raises him Sharp. A reprieve! a reprieve! a reprie Kitty. I have been, sir, a most bitter ener to you; but since you are likely to be a lit. more conversant with cash than you bas been, I am now, with the greatest sincerit your most obedient friend and humble servar Mel. His tears have softened me at once. Gay. Oh, Mrs. Pry, I have been too mic [Aside] Your necessities, Mr. Gayless, with indulged with forgiveness myself, not to f such real contrition, are too powerful motives give lesser offences in other people, not to affect the breast already prejudiced in Sharp. Well then, madam, since my m your favour. You have suffered too much has vouchsafed pardon to your handmaidk already for your extravagance; and as I take I hope you'll not deny it to his fo part in your sufferings, 'tis easing myself to Timothy. relieve you: know, therefore, all that's past i freely forgive. Gay. You cannot mean it, sure! I am lost in wonder! Mel. Pardon! for what? Sharp. Only for telling you abo thousand lies, madam; and, among th insinuating that your ladyship wouldMel. Prepare yourself for more wonder. Mel. I understand you; and can for You have another friend in masquerade here. any thing, Sharp, that was designed fr Mr. Cook, pray throw aside your drunken-service of your master; and if Pry and ness, and make your sober appearance.-Don't will follow our example, I'll give her a m you know that face, sir? fortune, as a reward for both your fide Cook. Ay, master, what have you forgot Sharp. I fancy, madam, 'twould be b your friend Dick, as you used to call me? to halve the small fortune between us, Gay. More wonder indeed! Don't you live keep us both single; for as we shall äve with my father? the same house, in all probability ven Mel. Just after your hopeful servant there taste the comforts of matrimony, and not had left me, comes this man from sir Wil-troubled with its inconveniences. What liam, with a letter to me; upon which (being you, Kitty? by that wholly convinced of your necessitous Kitty. Do you hear, Sharp; before you condition) I invented, by the help of Kitty and of the comforts of matrimony, laste the Mrs. Gadabout, this little plot, in which your forts of a good dinner, and recover your friend Dick there has acted miracles, resolv- a little; do, puppy. Gay. Behold, Melissa, as sincere a co ing to teaze you a little, that you might have Sharp. The devil backs her, that's cer a greater relish for a happy turn in your af- and I am no match for her at any wer fairs. Now, sir, read that letter, and complete [4 your joy. Gay. [Reads] Madam, I am father to as ever truth and beauty made. The the unfortunate young man, who, I hear impetuous sallies of my youth are now b by a friend of mine (that by my desire over, and a most pleasing calm of per has been a continual spy upon him) is happiness succeeds. making his addresses to you. If he is so happy as to make himself agreeable to you, whose character I am charmed with, I shall| own him with joy for my son, and forget his former follies. — I am, madam, your most humble servant, WILLIAM GAYLESS. P. S. I will be soon in town myself to congratulate his reformation and marriage. Thus Aetna's flames the verdant earth sume, But milder heat makes drooping So virtuous love affords us springing Farce by John Till Allingham. This excellent little piece was first produced at Covent Garden in 1799 and since been acted at all the theatres with the greatest applause. The English theatre recently opened at Pa, on menced its representations with it to the greatest satisfaction of the audience. ACT I. SCENE J.-A Hall in the Castle. Enter MR. FRANK. Frank. To what humiliation has my bad ortune reduced me, when it brings me here in bumble suppliant to my base oppressor! CLOWN. of time I've lost with that beggar! [Reads Sir,-This is to inform you that my lord Lackwit died - an heir to his estate his lordship never acknowledged her as his wife-son called Robin Roughead - Robin is the legal heir to the estate — to put him in immediate possession, according to his lordship's last will and testament. Yours to command, KIT CODICIL, Atty at Law. Snacks. A letter for me by express! What Here's a catastrophe! Robin Roughead a lord! an it be about? Something of great con- My stewardship has done pretty well for me equence from my lord, I suppose. - Frank already, but I think I shall make it do better ere! What the devil does he want?-Come now. I know this Robin very well; he's debegging though, I dare say. vilish cunning, I'm afraid; but I'll tickle him. ome to Enter SNACKS, speaking. -- Frank. Good morning to you, Mr. Snacks. ile shall marry my daughter-then I can do Snacks. Good morning. [Coldly as I please. To be sure, I have given my Frank. I'm come, sir, to I say, sir, I'm promise to Rattle; but what of that? he hasn't got it under my hand. I think I had better Snacks. Well, sir, I see you are come; tell Robin this news at once; it will make nd what then? What are you come for, sir? him mad-and then I shall do as I please with Frank. The termination of the lawsuit which him. Ay, ay, I'll go. How unfortunate that ou have so long carried on against me, owing I did not make friends with him before! He o my entire inability to prosecute it any has no great reason to like me; I never gave urther, has thrown me into difficulties which him any thing but hat words.-[Rattle sings cannot surmount without your kind as-without] Confound it! here's that fellow Rattle coming. istance. Snacks. Very pretty, indeed! You are a ery modest man, Mr. Frank; you've spent our last shilling in quarrelling with me, and ow you want me to help you. Frank. The farm called Hundred Acres is t present untenanted-I wish to rent it. Snacks. You wish to rent it, do you? And ray, sir, where's your money? And what do ou know about farming? Frank. I have studied agriculture; and, vith care, have no doubt of being able to ay my rent regularly. Snacks. But I have a great doubt about -No, no, sir; do you think I'm so unmindul of his lordship's interest as to let his land o a poor novice like you? It won't do, Mr. Frank; I can't think of it-Good day, friend; good day. [Showing him the Door. Frank. My necessities, sirSnacks. I have nothing to do with your ecessities, sir; I have other business-Good lay-There's the door. Frank. Unfeeling wretch! Snacks. What! Frank. But what could I expect? Think Enter RATTLE. Rat. Ah, my old daddy! how are you?What! have you got the mumps · can't you speak? Snacks. I wish you had the mumps, and could not speak. What do you old daddy me for? Rat. Why, father-in-law! curse me but you are most conceitedly crusty to-day; What's the matter with you? why, you are as melancholy as a lame duck. Snacks. The matter is-that I am sick. Snacks. A surfeit: I've had too much of you. Rat. Oh! you'll soon get the better of that; for when I've married your daughter, curse me if I shall trouble you much with my company! Snacks. But you hav'n't married her yet. Rat. Oh, but I shall soon; I have got your promise, you know. Snacks. Can't remember any such thing. not, thou sordid man, 'tis for myself I sue-sometimes. My wife, my children-'tis for them I ask Rat. And so is a short stick; and I've a your aid, or else my pride had never stoop'd great mind to try the utility of it now. I tell so low my honest poverty is no disgrace: you what, Snacks-I always thought you was your ill-gotten gold gives you no advantage a damn'd old rascal, but now I'm sure of it: over me; for I had rather feel my heart beat it's no matter, though: I'll marry your daughter freely, as it does now, than know that I posnotwithstanding. sess'd your wealth, and load it with the crimes entail'd upon it. Snacks. You will-will you? [Exit. Rat. Yes, snacks, I will; for I love her. I Snacks. A mighty fine speech, truly! I think wonder how the devil such a pretty girl ever I'll try if I can't lower your tone a little, my came to have such queer, little, shrivelled, fine, blustering fellow: I'll have you laid by old mopstick as you for a father. Snacks, the heels before night for this. Proud as you your wife most certainly made a cuckold of are, you'll have time to reflect in a jail, and you; it could not be else. bring down your spirit a little. But, come, let me see what my letter says. What a deal Snacks. Impudent rascal! Rat. But it signifies not who her father is 2. miss Nancy is lovely, and I'll marry her. Let as work; it should be one long holiday 2 me see-five thousand pounds you promised; the year round. Your great folks have strange yes, you shall give her that on the wedding- whims in their heads, that's for sartin. Idos day. You have been a steward a long time; know what to make of 'un, not l. Now ther.. that sum must be a mere fleabite to you. all yon great park there, kept for his l Snacks. I rather think I shall never give ship to look at, and his lordship hat not see her a farthing, if she marries such a paltry it these twelve years-Ah! if it was mine, 1. fellow as you. let all the villagers turn their cows in the and it should not cost 'em a farthing; the as the parson said last Sunday, I shoul as rich as any in the land, for I should in the blessings of the poor. Dang it! here co Snacks. Now I shall get a fine jobatica, Rat. Why lookye; I'm a lively spark, with a good deal of fire in me, and it is not a little matter that will put me out: where others sink I rise: and this opposition of yours will only serve to blow me into a blaze that will burn you up to a cinder. I'm up to your suppose. gossip; I'm not to be had. Snacks. No, nor my daughter's not to be had, Mr. Banker's Clerk; so I shan't waste any more time with you: go, and take in the flats in Lombard-street; it won't do here. Enter SNACKS, bowing very obsequa ROBIN takes his Hat off, and ma staring at him. Rob. I be main tir'd, master Snacks: [Exit. stopt to rest myself a little; I hope you'l Rat. Oh! what he has mizzled, has he? I cuse it. I wonder what the dickens | fancy you'll find me the most troublesome grinning at. [dom blade you ever settled an account with, old Snacks. Excuse it! I hope your lordan Raise-rent. I'll astonish you, some how or other. I wonder what has changed him so! Rat. Yes, but he says he has forgot all about that, though it was no longer ago than yesterday; and he says I shan't have you. Nan. Does he indeed? Rat. Yes; but never mind that. Nan. I thought you said you loved me? infinite goodness and condescension wi. cuse your lordship's most obsequious, des.. and very humble servant Timothy who is come into the presence of your ship, for the purpose of informing your l ship Rob. Lordship! he, he, he! Ecod! I neve knew as I had a bump before. Why, masi Snacks, you grow funny in your old age Snacks. No, my lord, I know my better; I should never think of being i with a lord. Rob. What lord? "Oh, you mean the Harry, I suppose. No, no, must not be funny with him, or he'll be after playingvery devil with you. Snacks. I say I should never think of je with a person of your lordship's di character. Rob. Did-dig-What! Why, now I at you, I see how it is: you are mad wonder what quarter the moon's in. Lahow your eyes roll! I never saw you Nan. Then why are you not sorry that my before.-How came they to let you out a father won't give his consent? Snacks. Your lordship is most graci in Lombard-street. Rat. His consent! I have got yours and my pleased to be facetious, own, and I'll soon manage him. Don't you Rob. Why, what gammon are you remember how I frighten'd him one night, Don't come near me, for you have been when I came to visit you by stealth, drest like by a mad dog; I'm sure you have. a ghost, which he thinks haunts the castle. Snacks. If your lordship will be so k Oh! I'll turn that to account. I know he's as to read this letter, it would convince very superstitious, and easily frightened into lordship-Will your lordship condescend any thing. Come, let's take a walk, and plot Rob. Why, I would condescend, but fer how I, your knight-errant, shall deliver you few reasons, and one of 'em is, that I ca from this haunted castle. [Exeunt. read. SCENE II.-4 Corn-field. ROBIN ROUGHEAD discovered binding up a Sheaf. Snacks. I think your lordship is perfec right; for these pursuits are too low for of your lordship's nobility. Rob. Lordship, and lordship again! you what, master Snacks-let's have no mat Rob. Ah! work, work, work all day long, of your fun, for I won't stand it any longe and no such thing as stopping a moment to for all you be steward here: my name's Ro rest! for there's old Snacks the steward, al- Roughead, and if you don't choose to call ways upon the look-out; and if he sees one, by that name, I shan't answer you, slap he has it down in his book, and then flat.[Aside] I don't like him well eno there's sixpence gone plump. [Cames forward] to stand his jokes. the I do hate that old chap, and that's the truth Snacks. Why then, master Robin, bes on't. Now, if I was lord of this place, I'd kind as to attend whilst I read this letter. make one rule-there should be no such thing [Rea Sir,- This is to inform you, that my tell him- No, I'll not go there; I'll go to ard Lackwit died this morning, after a Damn it, I'll go no where; yes, I will; I'll ery short illness; during which he declared go every where; I'll be neither here, nor at he had been married, and had an there, nor any where else. How pleas'd Dolly eir to his estate: the woman he married will be when she hears as commonly called, or known, by the ame of Roughead: she was poor and il Enter Villagers, shouting. terate, und, through motives of shame, Dick, Tom, Jack, how are you, my lads?-is lordship never acknowledged her as his Here's news for you! Come, stand round, ife: she has been dead some time since, make a ring, and I'll make a bit of a speech nd left behind her a son called Robin to you. [They all get round him] First of oughead: now this said Robin is the legal all, I suppose Snacks has told you that I'm eir to the estate. I have therefore sent your landlord. u the necessary writings to put him into mediate possession, according to his tord Vil. We are all glad of it. Rob. So am I; and I'll make you all happy : up's last will and testament. Yours to I'll lower all your rents. mmand, KIT CODICIL, Atty at Law. Rob. What!-WVhat all mine? the houses, e trees, the fields, the hedges, the ditches, e gates, the horses, the dogs, the cats, the All. Huzza! long live lord Robin! All. Huzza! huzza! long live lord Robin! Enter SNACKS. cks and the hens, and the cows and the for I'll make 'em all rich; I'll have no widows, alls, and the pigs and the-What! are they for I'll marry 'em all. [Women shout] ri I mine? and 1, Robin Roughead, am the have no orphan children, for I'll father 'em ghtful lord of all this estate!-Don't keep me all myself; and if that's not doing as a lord minute now, but tell me it is so - Make should do, then I say I know nothing about aste, tell me-quick, quick! the matter-that's all." Snacks. I repeat it, the whole estate is yours. All. Huzza! Huzza! Rob. Huzza! buzza! [Catches off Snacks' at and Wig] Set the bells a ringing; set Snacks. I have brought your lordship the e ale a running; make every body drunk-money.-He means to make 'em fly, so I've there's a sober man to be found any where taken care the guineas shall be all light. [Aside. -day, he shall be put in the stocks. Go, get Rob. Now then, young and old, great and y hat full of guineas to make a scramble small, little and tall, merry men all, here's ith; call all the tenants together. I'll lower among you - [Throws the Money; they e rents-I'llscramble] Now you've got your pockets fill'd, come to the castle, and I'll fill all your bellies for you. Snacks. I hope your lordship will do me e favour to Rob. Why, that may be as it happens; 1 Rob. Yes. Snacks. What would your lordship choose r dinner? Rob. Beef-steaks and onions, and plenty 'em. Snacks. Beef-steaks and onions! What a sh for a lord! He'll be a savoury bit for y daughter, though. [Aside. [Villagers carry him off shouting; Snacks follows. SCENE III.-Inside of a neat Cottage; Table spread for Dinner. MARGERY and DOLLY discovered. Dolly. There, now, dinner's all ready, and I wish Robin would come. Do you think I may take up the dumplings, mother? Mar. Ay, ay, take 'em up; I warrant him he'll soon be here - he's always in puddingtime. Rob. What are you at there, Snacks? Go, Dol. And well he may, for I'm sure you et me the guineas—make haste; I'll have the keep him sharp set enough. ramble, and then I'll go to Dolly, and tell er the news. Mar. Hold your tongue, you baggage! He pays me but five shillings a week for board, Snacks. Dolly! Pray, my lord, who's Dolly? lodging, and washing-I suppose he's not to Rob. Why, Dolly is to be my lady, and be kept like a lord for that, is he? I wonder our mistress, if I find you honest enough to how you'll keep him when you get married, eep you in my employ. as you talk of!' Snacks. He rather smokes me.-I have a Dol. Oh, we shall contrive to make both eauteous daughter, who is allow'd to be the ends meet! and we shall do very well I dare ery pink of perfection. say; for Robin loves me, and I loves Robin dearly. Rob. Damn your daughter! I have got omething else to think of: don't talk to me f your daughter; stir your stumps, and get e money. Mar. Yes; but all your love won't keep the pot boiling, and Robin's as poor as Job. Dol. La, now, mother, don't be so cross!Snacks. I am your lordship's most obse- Oh dear, the dinner will get cold, and the uious-Zounds! what a peer of the realm. dumplings will be quite spoil'd; I wish Robin [Aside. Exit. would come. [Robin sings without] Oh, here Rob. Ha! ha! ha! What work I will make he comes, in one of his merry humours. the village!-Work! no, there shall be no ich thing as work; it shall be all play. Enter ROBIN; he cools himself with his Hat, Where shall I go? I'll go to No, I won't then sings and dances. o there; I'll go to Farmer Hedgestake's, and Why, Robin, what's the matter with you? Rob. What! you hav'n't heard then? Oh, Rob. It's all true, Dolly, as sure as th I'm glad of that! for I shall have the fun of devil's in Lunnun. telling you. Dol. Well, sit down then, and eat your dinner; I have made you some nice hard dumplings. Rob. Dumplings! Damn dumplings. Dol. Damn dumplings--La, mother, he damns dumplings. Oh, what a shame! Do you know what you are saying, Robin? Rob. Never talk to me of dumplings. Mar. But I'll talk of dumplings though indeed. I shouldn't have thought of such behaviour: dumplings are very wholesome food, quite good enough for you, I'm sure. [Very angry. Rob. Are they, mother Margery? [Upsets the Table, and dances on the Plates, etc. and sings] Tol de rol lol. Dol. What! are you in right down arnest Rob. Yes, I am — his lordship's dead, a he has left word as how that my mother w. his wife, and I his son. Dol. What! Rob. Yes, Dolly, and you shall be my la Rob. Yes, you shall. Dol. Ecod, that will be fine fun—my lad – Dol. Lady Roughead! How it sound- Mar. Oh dear! the boy's mad; there's all my crockery gone! [Picking up the Pieces. it. Dol. [Crying] I did not think you could have us'd us so; I'm quite asham'd of you, Robin! to Rob. Doan'tye laugh so; I don't ha [Shakes her] Dolly! Dol. Oh, my dear Robin, I can't help laug think of lady Roughead. Rob. The wench will go beside hersel Rob. Now doan'tye cry now, Dolly; doan't- a sartainty. ye cry. Dol. But now is it true in arnest? Rob. Ay, as sure as you are there. I come, what shall we do? where shall w Oh! we'll go and see old mother Dicke you know she took my part, and was ver kind to me when poor mother died; and n she's very ill, and I'll go and give her s thing to comfort her old soul. Lord. L Dol. What have you been about, Robin? I have heard people say as riches won't Rob. No, I have not been about robbing; a body happy; but while it gives me I have been about being made a lord of, power of doing so much good, I'm sure be the happiest dog alive. Dol. I will cry, for you behave very ill. that's all. Dol. What are you talking about? Your head's turn'd, I'm sure. Rob. Well, I know it's turn'd; it's turn'd from a clown's head to a lord's. I say, Dolly, how should you like to live in that nice place at the top o'the hill, yonder? Dol. Oh, I should like it very much, Robin; it's a nice cottage. Rob. Doan't talk to me of cottages, I mean the castle! Dol. Why, what is your head running upon? Mar. Every one golden guineas, as I'm a vartuous woman. Where did you get 'em, Robin? ACT II. SCENE I-The Road to the Castle. Enter MR. FRANK. Frank. Well, then, to the house of w must return again. And can I take no fort with me? nothing to cheer my wife and helpless children? What miser see them want! Enter ROBIN, unobserved by FRANE Rob. Want! No, there shall be no thing as want where I am-Who talks of w Frank. My own distress I could bear very well; but to see my helpless inne enduring all the woes poverty brings w [Exit. is more than I can bear. Rob. Why, where there's more to be had. Mar. Ay, I always said Robin was a clever lad. I'll go and put these by. Dol. Now, do tell me what you've been about. Where did you find all that money? Rob. Dolly, Dolly, gee'us a buss, and I'll tell thee all about it. Dol. Twenty, an' you pleasen, Robin. Rob. First then, you must know that I'm the cleverest fellow in all these parts. Dol. Well, I know'd that afore. Rob. And more than I can bear too. [Throws his Hat upon the Gros and takes Money out of his Pot which he throws into it. Frank. To-day I almost fear they have tasted food. Rob. And I ha' been stuffing my guts enough to make 'em burst. Rob. But I'll tell you how it is—it's because Drops more Money into his h I'm the richest fellow in all these parts; and Frank. How happy once my state! Wher if I hav'n't it here, I have it here [Pointing I turned my eyes good fortune smiled to his Head and his Pocket] That castle's me; then, did the poor e'er tell a tale of mine, and all these fields, up to the very sky. without relief? Were not my doors oper Dol. No, no; come, Robin, that won't do. the unfortunate? Rob. Won't it?—I think it will do very well. Rob. How glad I be as I be-a lord. E Dol. No, no; you are running your rigs-what! Yes it is; it's Mr. Frank. Lord, I know you are, Robin. I'm very glad as I met with you. . |