Mrs. Mal. Come, girls!-this gentleman will when once you are wounded here--[Putting exhort1) us.---Come, sir, you're our envoy 2) his Hand to Absolute's breast] Hey! what -lead the way, and we'll precede 3). the deuce bave you got here? Fag. Not a step before the ladies for the world! Mrs. Mal. You're sure you know the spot. Fag. I think I can find it, ma'am; and one good thing is, we shall hear the report of the pistols as we draw near, so we can't well miss them;-never fear, ma'am, never fear. [Exeunt, he Talking. Abs. Nothing, sir-nothing, Sir Anth. What's this?-here's something damn'd hard. Abs. O, trinkets, sir! trinkets-a bauble for Lydia! Sir Anth. Nay, let me see your taste. [Pulls his coat open, the sword falls] Trinkets!a bauble for Lydia!-Zounds! sirrah, you are not going to cut her throat, are you? Abs. Ha! ha! ha!-I thought it would diEnter ABSOLUTE, putting his sword under vert you, sir, though I didn't mean to tell you SCENE II.-South Parade. his great coat. Abs. A sword seen in the streets of Bath till afterwards. Sir Anth. You didn't? Yes, this is a very would raise as great an alarm as a mad dog. diverting trinket, truly. [Muffles up his face, and Takes a sword-and swear- - I'll fall upon its point, Enter SIR ANTHONY. Sir Anth. Fall upon a fiddle-stick's end!why, I suppose it is the very thing that would Sir Anth. How one may be deceived at a please her-Get along, you fool. little distance! only that I see he don't know Abs. Well, sir, you shall hear of my sucmne, I could have sworn that was Jack!-Hey!|cess — -you shall hear. —“O, Lydia!--forgive Gad's life! it is. Why, Jack, — what are me, or this pointed steel "--says I. you afraid of? hey!-sure I'm right. Why, Sir Anth. "O, booby! stab away, and welJack-Jack Absolute! [Goes up to him. come"-says she.--Get along!—and damn your Abs. Really, sir, you have the advantage of me:-I don't remember ever to have had the honour-my name is Saunderson, at your service. trinkets! [Exit Absolute. Enter DAVID, running. David. Stop him! stop him! Murder! Thief! Sir Anth. Sir, I beg your pardon-I took Fire!-Stop fire! Stop fire!-O! Sir Anthony you-bey?-why, zounds! it is-Stay-[Looks-call! call! bid 'm stop! Murder! Fire! up to his Face] So, so- -your humble ser- Sir Anth. Fire! Murder! where? vant, Mr. Saunderson!--Why, you scoundrel, David. Oons! he's out of sight! and l'in what tricks are you after now? out of breath! for my part! O, Sir Anthony, Abs. O a joke, sir, a joke!-1 came here why didn't you stop him? why didn't you on purpose to look for you, sir. stop him? Sir Anth. You did! well, I am glad you were so lucky-but what are you muffled up so for?-what's this for?-hey? Abs. 'Tis cool, sir; isn't it?—rather chilly somehow:--but I shall be late-I have a particular engagement. Sir Anth. Zounds! the fellow's mad! — Stop whom? stop Jack? David. Ay, the captain, sir! there's murder and slaughter Sir Anth. Murder! David. Ay, please you, Sir Anthony, there's all kinds of murder, all sorts of slaughter Sir Anth. Stay.-Why, I thought you were looking for me?—Pray, Jack, where is't you to be seen in the fields: there's fighting going are going? Abs. Going, sir! Sir Anth. Ay-where are you going? Sir Anth. You unmannerly puppy! on, sir-bloody sword-and-gun-fighting! Sir Anth. Who are going to fight, dunce? David. Every body that I know of, Sir Anthony-every body is going to fight, my poor master, Sir Lucius O'Trigger, your son, the captain Sir Anth. O, the dog!-I see his tricks; do you know the place? David. King's-Mead-Fields. Sir Anth. You know the way? Sir Anth. To go with you, I suppose.Well, come along. Abs. O zounds! no, sir, not for the world! David. Not an inch;-but I'll call the mayor -I wished to meet with you, sir,-to-to-to-aldermen-constables-churchwardens-and -You find it cool, I'm sure, sir-you'd better beadles--we can't be too many to part them. not stay out. Sir Anth. Come along-give me your shoul Sir Anth. Cool!-not at all-Well, Jack-der! we'll get assistance as we go-the lying and what will you say to Lydia? villain!-Well, I shall be in such a phrensy her-So-this was the history of his trinkets! Pl [Exeunt Abs. O, sir, beg her pardon, humour -promise and vow:-but I detain you, sir-bauble him! consider the cold air on your gout. Sir Anth. O, not at all!—not at all!-I'm in no hurry.-Ah! Jack, you youngsters, 1) E cont. 2) Convoy. 3) Follow, perhaps proceed SCENE III.-King's-Mead-Fields. forty yards is a good distance - Odds levels | Sir Luc. Ay-may they-and it is much the and aims!-I say it is a good distance. genteelest attitude into the bargain. Sir Luc. Is it for muskets or small field- Acres. Look'ee! Sir Lucius-I'd just as lieve pieces? upon my conscience, Mr. Acres, you be shot in an awkward posture as a genteel must leave those things to me. — Stay now-one-so, by my valour! I will stand edgeways. I'll show you. [Measures paces along the Sir Luc. [Looking at his watch] Sure they Stage] There now, that is a very pretty dis- don't mean to disappoint us-Hah!—no faith tance-a pretty gentleman's distance. -I think I see them coming. Acres. Zounds! we might as well fight in a sentry-box! I tell you, Sir Lucius, the farther Acres. Hey!-what!-coming!— he is off, the cooler I shall take my aim. ting over the stile? Sir Luc. Faith! then I suppose you would Acres. There are two of them indeed! well aim at him best of all if he was out of sight!-let them come-hey, Sir Lucius!—we-we Acres. No, Sir Lucius, but I should think -we-we-won't run forty or eight-and-thirty yards Sir Luc. Pho! pho! nonsense! three or four feet between the mouths of your pistols is as good as a mile. Acres. Odds bullets, no!-by my valour! there is no merit in killing him so near: do, my dear Sir Lucius, let me bring him down at a long shot:-a long shot, Sir Lucius, if you love me! Sir Luc. Well--the gentleman's friend and I must settle that. But tell me now, Mr. Acres, in case of an accident, is there any little will or commission I could execute for you? Acres. I am much obliged to you, Sir Lucius-but I don't understand Sir Luc. Why, you may think there's no being shot at without a little risk-and if an unlucky bullet should carry a quietus with it it will be no time then to be bothering you about family matters. I say Acres. A quietus! Sir Luc. For instance, now- if that should be the case would you-choose to be pickled and sent home?—or would it be the same to you to lie here in the Abbey?-I'm told there is very snug lying in the Abbey. Sir Luc. Run! Acres. No-I say we won't run, by my valour! [you? Sir Luc. What the devil's the matter with Acres. Nothing-nothing-my dear friend my dear Sir Lucius-but I-I—I don't feel quite so bold, somehow, as I did. Sir Luc. O fie!-consider your honour. Acres. Ay-true-my honour-Do, Sir Lucius, edge in a word or two every now and then about my honour. Sir Luc. Well, here they're coming. [Looking Acres. Sir Lucius-if I wa'n't with you, I should almost think I was afraid-if my valour should leave me!-Valour will come and go. Sir Luc. Then pray keep it fast, while you have it. Acres. Sir Lucius-I doubt it is goingyes-my valour is certainly going!-it is sneaking off!-I feel it oozing out as it were at the palms of my hands! Sir Luc. Your honour-your honour.-Here they are. Acres. O mercy!-now-that I was safe at Clod-Hall! or could be shot before I was aware! Acres. Pickled!-Snug lying in the Abbey! -Odds tremors! Sir Lucius, don't talk so! Enter FAULKLAND and ABSOLUTE. Sir Luc. I suppose, Mr. Acres, you never were engaged in an affair of this kind before? Sir Luc. Gentlemen, your most obedient.Acres. No, Sir Lucius, never before. Hah!-what, Captain Absolute !-So, I suppose, Sir Luc. Ah! that's a pity!-there's nothing sir, you are come here, just like myself-to like being used to a thing.-Pray now, how do a kind office, first for your friend-then would you receive the gentleman's shot? to proceed to business on your own account. Acres. Odds files! I've practised that- Acres. What, Jack!-my dear Jack!-my here, Sir Lucius-there. [Puts himself in an dear friend! attitude]-aside-front, hey?-Odd! I'll make myself small enough:-I'll stand edgeways. Sir Luc. Now-you're quite out-for if you stand so when I take my aim-[Levelling at him. Acres. Zounds! Sir Lucius-are you sure it is not cock'd? Sir Luc. Never fear. Acres. But-but-you don't know it may go off of its own head! Sir Luc. Pho! be easy-Well, now if I hit you in the body, my bullet has a double chance-for if it misses a vital part of your right side 'twill be very hard if it don't succeed on the left! Acres. A vital part! Abs. Heark'ee, Bob, Beverley's at band. Sir Luc. Well, Mr. Acres-I don't blame your saluting the gentleman civilly.-So, Mr. Beverley, [To Faulkland] if you'll choose your weapons, the captain and I will measure the ground. Faulk. My weapons, sir. Acres. Odds life! Sir Lucius, I'm not going to fight Mr. Faulkland; these are my particular friends. Sir Luc. What, sir, did not you come here to fight Mr. Acres? game Faulk. Not I, upon my word, sir. Sir Luc. Well, now, that's mighty provok ing! But I hope, Mr. Faulkland, as there are Sir Luc. But, there-fix yourself so- [Pla-three of us come on purpose for the cing him] let him see the broad-side of your you won't be so cantanckerous as to spoil the full front-there-now a ball or two may pass party by sitting out. clean through your body, and never do any Abs. O pray, Faulkland, fight to oblige Sir Lucius. Faulk. Nay, if Mr. Acres is so bent on the matter Acres. No, no, Mr. Faulkland—I'll bear my Sir Anth. Put up, Jack, put up, or I shall disappointment like a Christian-Look'ee, Sir be in a phrensy-how came you in a duel, sir? Lucius, there's no occasion at all for me to Abs. Faith, sir, that gentleman can tell you fight; and if it is the same to you, I'd as lieve better than I; 'twas he called on me, and you let it alone. know, sir, I serve his majesty. Sir Luc. Observe me, Mr. Acres-I must Sir Anth. Here's a pretty fellow! I catch not be trifled with. You have certainly chal-him going to cut a man's throat, and he tells lenged somebody-and you came here to fight me, he serves his majesty!-Zounds! sirrah, him-Now, if that gentleman is willing to re- then how durst you draw the king's sword present him-I can't see, for my soul, why it against one of his subjects? isn't just the same thing. Acres. Why no-Sir Lucius -I tell you, 'tis one Beverley I've challenged a fellow, you see, that dare not show his face! If he were here, I'd make him give up his pretensions directly!— Abs. Sir, I tell you! that gentleman called me out, without explaining his reasons. Sir Anth. Gad! sir, how came you to call my son out, without explaining your reasons? Sir Luc. Your son, sir, insulted me in a manner which my honour could not brook. Sir Anth. Zounds! Jack, how durst you insult the gentleman in a manner which his honour could not brook? Abs. Hold, Bob-let me set you right-there is no such man as Beverley in the case.-The person who assumed that name is before you; and as his pretensions are the same in both Mrs. Mal. Come, come, let's have no hocharacters, he is ready to support them in nour before ladies-Captain Absolute, come whatever way you please. here-How could you intimidate1) us so? Here's Lydia has been terrified to death for Sir Luc. Well, this is lucky-Now you have an opportunity Acres. What, quarrel with my dear friend Jack Absolute-not if he were fifty Beverleys! Zounds! Sir Lucius, you would not have me so unnatural. you. Abs. For fear I should be killed, or escape, ma'am? Mrs. Mal. Nay, no delusions 2) to the pastLydia is convinced; speak, child. Sir Luc. Upon my conscience, Mr. Acres, Sir Luc. With your leave, ma'am, I must your valour has oozed away with a vengeance! put in a word here--I believe I could inter. Acres. Not in the least! Odds backs and pret the young lady's silence-Now mark— abettors! I'll be your second with all my heart Lydia. What is it you mean, sir? --and if you should get a quietus, you may Sir Luc. Come, come, Delia, we must be command me entirely. I'll get you snug ly-serious now-this is no time for trifling. ing in the Abbey here; or pickle_you, and. Lydia. 'Tis true, sir; and your reproof bids send you over to Blunderbuss-hall, or any me offer this gentleman my hand, and solicit thing of the kind, with the greatest pleasure. the return of his affections. Sir Luc. Pho! pho! you are little better than a coward. Abs. O my little angel, say you so?-Sir Lucius-I perceive there must be some misAcres. Mind, gentlemen, he calls me a cow- take here, with regard to the affront which ard; coward was the word, by my valour! you affirm I have given you. I can only say, Sir Luc. Well, sir? that it could not have been intentional. And Acres. Look'ee, Sir Lucius, 'tisn't that I mind as you must be convinced, that I should not the word coward coward may be said in fear to support a real injury-you shall now joke-But if you had called me a poltroon, see that I am not ashamed to atone for an odds daggers and ballsinadvertency-I ask your pardon.-But for this lady, while honoured with her approbation, Acres. I should have thought you a very I will support my claim against any man ill-bred man. Sir Luc. Well, sir? whatever. Sir Luc. Pho! you are beneath my notice. Sir Anth. Well said, Jack, and I'll stand Abs. Nay, Sir Lucius, you can't have a bet- by you, my boy. ter second than my friend Acres - He is a Acres. Mind, I give up all my claim-I most determined dog-called in the country, make no pretensions to any thing in the world Fighting Bob.-He generally kills a man a—and if I can't get a wife, without fighting week-don't you, Bob? for her, by my valour! I'll live a bachelor. Acres. Ay-at home!Sir Luc. Captain, give me your hand-an Sir Luc. Well then, captain, 'tis we must affront handsomely acknowledged becomes an begin -So come out, my little counsellor-obligation-and as for the lady-if she chooses [draws his sword]-and ask the gentleman, to deny her own hand-writing, herewhether he will resign the lady, without for[Takes out Letters. cing you to proceed against him? Mrs. Mal. O, he will dissolve 3) my mystery! Abs. Come on then, sir-[draws]; since-Sir Lucius, perhaps there's some mistakeyou won't let it be an amicable suit, here's perhaps I can illuminate 4)— my reply. Enter SIR ANTHONY, DAVID, and the WOMEN. David. Knock 'em all down, sweet Sir Anthony; knock down my master in particular -and bind his hands over to their good behaviour!1) 1) A man accused before a justice of offending any person, except in his own defence, is bound over to his Si Luc. Pray, old gentlewoman, don't inLanguish, are you my Delia, or not? terfere where you have no business. - Miss good behaviour: i. c. is obliged to find surety for his conducting himself well. 1) Intimidated is the improper word here for frightened; there is something like the meaning in it; it sounds difficult, and that's enough for Mrs. M. Lydia. Indeed, Sir Lucius, I am not. have been quarrelling too, I warrant.—Come, [Lydia and Absolute walk aside. Julia, I never interfered before: but let me Mrs. Mal. Sir Lucius O'Trigger-ungrateful have a hand in the matter at last. All the as you are-I own the soft impeachment 1)-faults I have ever seen in my friend Faulkpardon my blushes, I am Delia. land seemed to proceed from what he calls Sir Luc. You Delia-pho! pho! be easy. the delicacy and warmth of his affection for Mrs. Mal. Why, thou barbarous Vandyke 2) you-There, marry him directly, Julia; you'll -those letters are mine-When you are more find he'll mend surprisingly! sensible of my benignity 3)-perhaps I may be [The rest come forward. brought to encourage your addresses. Sir Luc. Come now, I hope there is no Sir Luc. Mrs. Malaprop, I am extremely dissatisfied person, but what is content; for sensible of your condescension; and whether as I have been disappointed myself, it will you or Lucy have put this trick upon me, I be very hard if I have not the satisfaction of am equally beholden to you.-And, to show seeing other people succeed betteryou I am not ungrateful, Captain Absolute, Acres. You are right, Sir Lucius.-So, Jack, since you have taken that lady from me, I'll I wish you joy-Mr. Faulkland the same.give you my Delia into the bargain. Ladies, come now, to show you I'm neither Abs. I am much obliged to you, Sir Lu- vexed nor angry, odds tabors and pipes! I'll cius; but here's my friend, fighting Bob, un- order the fiddles in half an hour to the New provided for. Rooms-and I insist on your all meeting me Sir Luc. Hah! little Valour-here, will you there. make your fortune? Sir Anth. 'Gad! sir, I like your spirit; and Acres. Odds wrinkles! No-But give me at night we single lads will drink a health to your hand, Sir Lucius, forget and forgive; but the young couples, and a husband to Mrs. if ever I give you a chance of pickling me Malaprop. again, say Bob Acres is a dunce, that's all. Faulk. Our partners are stolen from us, Sir Anth. Come, Mrs. Malaprop, don't be Jack-I hope to be congratulated by each cast down-you are in your bloom yet. other-yours for having checked in time the Mrs. Mal. O Sir Anthony! are all errors of an illdirected imagination, which barbarians. might have betrayed an innocent heart; and -men [All retire but Julia and Faulkland. mine, for having, by her gentleness and canJulia. He seems dejected and unhappy dour, reformed the unhappy temper of one, not sullen-there was some foundation, how-who by it made wretched whom he loved ever, for the tale he told me-() woman! how most, and tortured the heart he ought to have true should be your judgment, when your adored. resolution is so weak! Abs. Well, Jack, we have both tasted the Faulk. Julia!-how can I sue for what I bitters, as well as the sweets, of love — with so little deserve? I dare not presume-yet this difference only, that you always prepared Hope is the child of Penitence. the bitter cup for yourself, while IJulia. Oh! Faulkland, you have not been Lydia. Was always obliged to me for it, more faulty in your unkind treatment of me, hey! Mr. Modesty?-But come, no more of than I am now in wanting inclination to re-that-our happiness is now as unallayed as sent it. As my heart honestly bids me place general. my weakness to the account of love, I should Julia. Then let us study to preserve it so. be ungenerous not to admit the same plea for yours. Faulk. Now I shall be blest indeed! [Sir Anthony comes forward. Sir Anth. What's going on here? So you and while Hope pictures to us a flattering scene of future bliss, let us deny its pencil those colours which are too bright to be lasting.-VVhen hearts deserving happiness would unite their fortunes, Virtue would crown them with an unfading garland of modest hurtles flowers; but ill-judging Passion will force the 3) A cramp word with something like goodness in its gaudier rose into the wreath, whose thorn offends them, when its leaves are dropt! 1) Accusation. 2) Vandal (poor Vandyke). meaning. THE SCHOOL FOR SCANDAL. Com, by Richard Brinsley Sheridan. First acted at Drury Lane, May 8, 1777. Any attempt to be particular in the praise of this comedy, would be at once difficult and unnecessary. No piece ever equalled it in success on the stage, and very few are superior to it in point of intrinsic merit. It is evident, that Mr. Sheridan, when he composed this comedy, had a reference to Wycherley's Plain Dealer, in the formation of his plot; and to Congreve, in the poignancy of his dialogue.-Yet there are those who have asserted, that the plan was taken from a manuscript which had been previously delivered at Drury Lane Theatre, by a young lady, the daughter of a merchant in Thames Street, who afterwards died at Bristol, of a pectoral decay. This, however, is probably mere scandal, founded on envy of the great success of the piece. most dissipated and extravagant young fellow in the kingdom, without friends or character: the former an avowed admirer of your lady latter attached to Maria, Sir Peter's ward, Discovered LADY SNEERWELL at the dress-ship's, and apparently your favourite: the ing-table; SNAKE drinking chocolate. Lady Sneer. The paragraphs, you say, Mr. and confessedly beloved by her. Now, on the Snake, were all inserted? face of these circumstances, it is utterly unSnake. They were, madam; and as I co-accountable to me, why you, the widow of a pied them myself in a feigned hand, there can city knight, with a good jointure, should not be no suspicion whence they came. close with the passion of a man of such cha Lady Sneer. Then at once to unravel this mystery, 1 must inform you, that love has no share whatever in the intercourse between Mr. Surface and me. Lady Sneer. Did you circulate the report racter and expectations as Mr. Surface; and of Lady Brittle's intrigue with Captain Boastall? more so why you should be so uncommonly Snake. That's in as fine a train as your earnest to destroy the mutual attachment subladyship could wish. In the common course sisting between his brother Charles and Maria. of things, I think it must reach Mrs. Clackitt's ears within four and twenty hours; and then, you know, the business is as good as done. Lady Sneer. Why, truly, Mrs. Clackitt has a very pretty talent, and a great deal of industry. Lady Sneer. His real attachment is to MaSnake. True, madam, and has been tole- ria, or her fortune; but finding in his brorably successful in her day. To my know-ther a favoured rival, he has been obliged to ledge she has been the cause of six matches mask his pretensions, and profit by my asbeing broken off, and three sons disinherited; sistance. Snake. No! of four forced elopements, and as many close Snake. Yet still I am more puzzled why confinements; nine separate maintenances, and you should interest yourself in his success. two divorces. Nay, I have more than once Lady Sneer. How dull you are! Cannot traced her causing a tête-à-tête in the Town you surmise the weakness which I hitherto, and Country Magazine, when the parties, per- through shame, have concealed even from you? haps, had never seen each other's face before Must I confess, that Charles, that libertine, in the course of their lives. that extravagant, that bankrupt in fortune and Lady Sneer. She certainly has talents, but reputation, that he it is for whom I'm thus her manner is gross. anxious and malicious, and to gain whom I good sense, and benevolence. Snake. Yes; yet Sir Peter vows he has not his equal in England-and above all, he praises him as a man of sentiment. Snake. 'Tis very true.-She generally de-would sacrifice every thing? signs well, has a free tongue and a bold in- Snake. Now, indeed, your conduct appears vention; but her colouring is too dark, and consistent: but how came you and Mr. Surher outlines often extravagant. She wants that face so confidential? delicacy of tint, and mellowness of sneer, Lady Sneer. For our mutual interest. I which distinguishes your ladyship's scandal. have found him out a long time since. I know Lady Sneer. You are partial, Snake. him to be artful, selfish, and malicious-in Snake. Not in the least-every body allows short, a sentimental knave; while with Sir that Lady Sneerwell can do more with a word Peter, and indeed with all his acquaintance, or a look than many can with the most la- he passes for a youthful miracle of prudence, boured detail, even when they happen to have a little truth on their side to support it. Lady Sneer. Yes, my dear Snake; and no hypocrite to deny the satisfaction reap from the success of my efforts. Wound- Lady Sneer. True-and with the assistance ed myself in the early part of my life by the of his sentiment and hypocrisy, he has brought envenomed tongue of slander, I confess I have Sir Peter entirely into his interest with resince known no pleasure equal to the redu-gard to Maria; while poor Charles has no cing others to the level of my own injured friend in the house, though, I fear, he has a reputation. powerful one in Maria's heart, against whom Snake. Nothing can be more natural. But, we must direct our schemes. Lady Sneerwell, there is one affair in which you have lately employed me, wherein, I confess, I am at a loss to guess your motives. Lady Sneer. I conceive you mean with respect to my neighbour, Sir Peter Teazle, and his family? am Enter Servant, Serv. Mr. Surface. Lady Sneer. Show him up. [Exit Sercant. Snake. I do. Here are two young men, to Joseph S. My dear Lady Sneerwell, how whom Sir Peter has acted as a kind of guar-do you do to-day? Mr. Snake, your most dian since their father's death; the eldest pos- obedient. sessing the most amiable character, and uni- Lady Sneer. Snake has just been rallying versally well spoken of the youngest, the me on our mutual attachment; but I have in |