brother; so much I can tell you for your a false message! This was some plot. I was learning. O, ho! is this the fruits of 's jea- not sent for. Bridget, where's your sister? lousy? I thought some game was in the wind, he acted so much tenderness but now; but I'll be quit with him.-Thomas! Re-enter CASH. Brid. I think she be gone forth, sir. Kite. How? is my wife gone forth? Whither, for heaven's sake. Brid. She's gone abroad with Thomas. Fetch your hat, Thomas, and go with me. [Exit Cash] I would to fortune I could take him there, I'd return him his own, I warrant He hath discover'd all unto my wife; him! I'd fit him for his jealousy! [Exit. Beast that I was to trust him. [Aside] Whither, I pray Well. Ha, ha! so e'en let 'em go; this may make sport anon-What, Brainworm! Brain. I saw the merchant turn the corner, and come back to tell you all goes well; wind and tide, my master. Well. But how got'st thou this apparel of the justice's man? Brain. Marry, sir, my proper fine penman would needs bestow the grist o'me at the Windmill, to hear some marshal discourse, You, went she? Well. I'll tell you, brother, whither I suspect Kite. Whither, good brother? Well. To Cob's house, I believe; but keep my counsel. Kite. I will, I will.-To Cob's house! Does she haunt there? where 1 so marshalled him, that I made him She's gone on purpose now to cuckold me, drunk with admiration; and because too much With that lewd rascal, who, to win her favour, heat was the cause of his distemper, I stripp'd Hath told her all-Why would you let her go? him stark naked as he lay along asleep, and Well. Because she's not my wife; if she borrowed his suit to deliver this counterfeit were, I'd keep her to her tether. message in, leaving a rusty armour, and an Kite. So, so; now 'tis plain. I shall go mad old brown bill, to watch him till my return; With my misfortunes, now they pour in torrents. which shall be, when I have pawned his ap- I'm bruted by my wife, betray'd by my servant, parel, and spent the better part of the money, Mock'd at by my relations, pointed at by my perhaps. neighbours, ACT V. SCENE I.-Stocks-market. Well. Well, thou art a successful, merry Despis'd by myself-There is nothing left now knave, Brainworm; his absence will be sub- But to revenge myself first, next hang myself; ject for more mirth. I pray thee, return to And then-all my cares will be over. [Exeunt. thy young master, and will him to meet me and my sister Bridget at the Tower instantly; for here, tell him, the house is so stored with jealousy, there is no room for love to stand upright in. We must get our fortunes committed to some large prison, say: and then the Tower, I know no better air, nor where the liberty of the house may do us more present service. Away. [Exit Brainworm. Capt. B. Why, what should they say? but Brid. What, is this the engine that you as of a discreet gentleman; quick, wary, respecttold me of? What further meaning have you ful of nature's fair lineaments, and that's all. in the plot? Mat. Why so? but what can they say of Enter MASTER Matthew and CAPTAIN Mat. I wonder, captain, what they will say of my going away! ha? Well. That you may know, fair sister-in-your beating? law, how happy a thing it is to be fair and beautiful. Capt. B. A rude part, a touch with soft wood, a kind of gross battery used, lain on Brid. That touches not me, brother. strongly, borne most patiently, and that's all. Well. Well, there's a dear and well-respect- But wherefore do I wake their remembrance? ed friend of mine, sister, stands very strongly I was fascinated, by Jupiter! fascinated; but and worthily affected towards you, and hath I will be unwitched, and revenged by law. vowed to inflame whole bonfires of zeal at his Mat. Do you hear? Is't not best to get a heart, in honour of your perfections. I have warrant, and have him arrested, and brought already engaged my promise to bring you before justice Clement? where you shall hear him confirm much more. Ned Kno'well is the man, sister. There's no exception against the party. What say you, sister? On my soul he loves you; will you give him this meeting? Brid. 'Faith, I had very little confidence in my own constancy, brother, if I durst not meet a man; but this motion of yours savours of an old knight adventurer's servant, a little too much, methinks. Well. What's that, sister? Brid, Marry, of the go-between. Well. No matter if it did; I would be such a one for my friend. But see, who is returned to hinder us. Re-enter KITELY. Capt. B. It were not amiss; would we had it! Mat. Why, here comes his man, let's speak to him. Capt. B. Agreed. Do you speak. Enter BRAINWORM, as FORMAL. Brain. With all my heart, sir. Mat. Sir, there is one Downright bath abused this gentleman and myself, and we determine to make ourselves amends by law; now if you would do us the favour to procure a warrant to bring him before your master, you shall be well considered of, I assure you, sir. Brain. Sir, you know my service is my living; such favours as these, gotten of my Kite, What villany is this? Called out on master, is his only preferment, and therefore Brain. Faith, sir, the thing is extraordinary, and the gentleman may be of great account. Yet, be what he will, if you will lay me down a brace of angels in my hand, you shall have| it, otherwise not. Mat. How shall we do, captain? He asks a brace of angels. You have no money. [Apart to Capt. B. Capt. B. Not a cross, by fortune, [Apart. Mat. Nor I, as I am a gentleman, but twopence left of my two shillings in the morning for wine and raddish. Let's find him some pawn. Capt. B. Pawn! We have none to the value of his demand. Tib. Why, what's the matter with you? Belike you get something to keep it shut. Kno. Her husband! [Aside. Dame K. My tried and faithful husband, master Kitely. [Apart. Tib. I hope he needs not be tried here. Dame K. Come hither, Cash. I see my [Apart. turtle coming to his haunts.-Let us retire. Mat. O yes, I can pawn my ring here. [They retire. Kno. This must be some device to mock Capt. B. And, harkye, he shall have me withal. Toledo too; I believe I shall have no service Soft-who is this?-Oh! 'tis my son disguis'd. for it to-day. [Apart. I'll watch him and surprise him. Apart. my trusty Mat. Do you hear, sir? We have no store of money at this time; but you shall have good pawns. Look you, sir, I will pledge this ring, and that gentleman his Toledo, because we would have it dispatch'd. Brain. I am content, sir; I will get you the warrant presently. What's his name, say you? Downright? Mat. Ay, ay, George Downright. Brain. Well, gentlemen, I'll procure you the warrant presently. But who will you have to serve it? Mat. That's true, captain; that must be considered. Capt B. Body o'me, I know not! 'Tis service of danger! Brain. Why, you were best get one of l'faith, I am glad I've found you out at last. the varlets o'the city, a sergeant; I'll appoint Kno. What mean you, woman? Let go you one, if you please. Mat. Will you, sir? Why, we can wish no better. Capt. B. We'll leave it to you, sir. your hold. I see the counterfeit. I am his father, Kite. [Discovers himself] I am your cuck- [Exeunt Captain Bobadil and Matthew. Brain. This is rare! Now will I go pawn this cloak of the justice's man's, at the broker's for a varlet's suit, and be the varlet myself, Thou faithless man! and so get money on all sides. [Exit. The street before CoB's House. Enter KNo'well. Kno. O, here it is; I have found it now.Hoa, who is within here? Kite. Out on thy more than strumpet's impudence! Steal'st thou thus to thy haunts? And have I taken Thy bawd and thee, and thy companion, This hoary-headed letcher, this old goat, Close at your villany, and wouldst thou 'scuse it [Tib appears at the Window. With this stale harlot's jest, accusing me? Tib. I am within, sir. What's your pleasure? O, old incontinent, dost thou not shame Kno. To know who is within besides yourself. To have a mind so hos, and to entice, Tib. Why, sir, you are no constable, I hope? And feed the enticement of a lustful woman? Kno. O, fear you the constable? Then I Dame K. Out! I defy thee, thou dissembling doubt not you have some guests within dewretch! serve that fear. I'll fetch him straight. Tib. For heaven's sake, sir Kno. Go to! Come, tell me, is not young Kno'well here? Tib. Young Kno'well! I know none such, sir, o'my honesty. Kno. Your honesty, dame? It flies too lightly from you. There is no way but fetch the constable. Kite. Defy me, strumpet! Ask thy pander Can he deny it, or that wicked elder? Cash. Master, 'tis in vain to reason while these passions blind you. I'm griev'd to see you thus. Kite. Tut, tut, never speak; I see through every Tib. The constable! the man is mad, I think. Veil you cast upon your treachery; but I have Done with you, and root you from my heart for ever. Enter DoWNRIGHT. Down. Why, how now, seignior Gull? For you, sir, thus I demand my honour's due; Are you turned filcher of late? Come, deliver Resolv'd to cool your lust, or end my shame. my_cloak. [Draws. Step. Your cloak, sir! I bought it even now Kno. What lunacy is this? Put up your in open market. sword, and undeceive yourself. No arm that Brain. Master Downright, I have a ware'er pois'd weapon can affright me; but I pity rant I must serve upon you, procured by these folly, nor cope with madness. two gentlemen. - so you, Kite. I will have proofs - I will good wifebawd, Cob's wife; and you, that make your husband such a monster; and you, young pander, an old cuckoldmaker; I'll ha' you every one before the justice. — Nay, you shall answer it; I charge you go. Come forth, thou bawd. [Goes into the House, and brings out Tib. Though I do taste this as a trick put on me, Dame K. Go, to thy shame believe it. Come on-I must and will be satisfied. [Exeunt. Enter BRAINWORM. Down. These gentlemen! These rascals! Brain. Keep the, peace, I charge you in her majesty's name. Down. I obey thee. What must I do, officer? Brain. Go before master justice Clement, to answer what they can object against you, sir. I will use you kindly, sir. Mat. Come, let's before, and make the justice, captain[Exit. Capt. B. The varlet's a tall man, before heaven! [Exit Down. Gull, you'll gi' me my cloak? Step. Sir, I bought it, and I'll keep it. Down. You will? Step. Ay, that I will. Down. Officer, there's thy fee, arrest him. Brain. Master Stephen, I must arrest you. Step. Arrest me, I scorn it; there, take your cloak, I'll none on't. Down. Nay, that shall not serve your turn now, sir. Officer, I'll go with thee to the justice's. Bring him along. Step. Why, is not here your cloak; what would you have? Down. I'll ha' you answer it, sir. Brain. Well, of all my disguises yet, now am I most like myself, being in this sergeant's gown. A man of my present profession never counterfeits till he lays hold upon a debtor, and says he' rests him; for then he brings him to all manner of unrest. A kind of little kings we are, bearing the diminutive of a mace, made like a young artichoke, that always car-along. ries pepper and salt in itself. Well, I know not what danger I undergo by this exploit; pray heaven I come well off! Enter CAPTAIN BOBADIL and MASTER MATTHEW. Mat. See, I think, yonder is the varlet, by his gown. 'Save you, friend; are not you Brain. So, so, I have made a fair mash on't. Brain. I know no remedy, master Stephen. Down. Come along before me here. I do not love your hanging look behind. Step. Why, sir, I hope you cannot hang me for it. Can he, fellow? Brain. I think not, sir. It is but a whip here by appointment of justice Clement's man? ping matter, sure! [Exeunt. Brain. Yes, an' please you, sir, he told me Step. Why, then let him do his worst, i two gentlemen had willed him to procure a am resolute. warrant from his master, which I have about me, to be served on one Downright. Mat. It is honestly done of both; you and see where the party comes you must arrest. Serve it upon him quickly, before he be aware. SCENE IV. A Hall in JUSTICE CLEMENT'S Enter JUSTICE CLEMENT, KNO'WELL, KITELY, Just. C. Nay, but stay, stay, give me leave. My chair, sirrah. You, master Kno'well, say you went thither to meet your son? Kno. Ay, sir. Just. C. But who directed you thither? Just. C. Where is he? Kno. Nay, I know not now; I left him with your clerk; and appointed him to stay for me. Just. C. My clerk! About what time was this? Kno. Marry, between one and two, as I take it. Just. C. And what time came my man with the false message to you, master Kitely? Kite. After two, sir. Just. C. Very good; but, Mrs. Kitely, how chanced it that you were at Cob's? Ha! Dame K. An' please you, sir, I'll tell you. My brother Wellbred told me, that Cob's house was a suspected place Just. C. So it appears, methinks: but on. Dame K. And that my husband used thither daily. Just. C. No matter, so he us'd himself well, mistress. Dame K. True, sir; but you know what grows by such haunts, oftentimes. Just. C. I see rank fruits of a jealous brain, mistress Kitely. But did you find your husband there, in that case, as you suspected? Kite. I found her there, sir. Mat. An't please your worship, he was bound to the peace. Just. C. Why, an' he were, sir, his hands were not bound, were they? Serv. There's one of the varlets of the city, sir, has brought two gentlemen here; one upon your worship's warrant. Just. C. My warrant? Sero. Yes, sir, the officer says, procured by these two. Just. C. Bid him come in. Set by this picture. What, Mr. Downright, are you brought at Mr. Freshwater's suit here? Just. C. Did you so? That alters the case. Who gave you knowledge of your wife's Enter DOWNRIGHT, MASTER STEPHEN, and being there? Kite. Marry, that did my brother Wellbred. Just. C. How! Wellbred first tell her, then tell you after! Where is Wellbred? Kite. Gone with my sister, sir, I know not whither. Just. C. Why, this is a mere trick, a device; you are gulled in this most grossly, all! Alas, poor wench! wert thou suspected for this? Tib. Yes, an't please you. BRAINWORM. Down. l'faith, sir. And here's another, brought at my suit. Just. C. What are you, sir? Step. A gentleman, sir! Oh, uncle! Just. C. Uncle! Who, Master Kno'well? Kno. Ay, sir, this is a wise kinsman of mine. Step. Uncle, I am wrong'd here monstrously; he charges me with stealing of his cloak; and would I might never stir, if I did not find it Just. C. 1 smell mischief here; plot and con- in the street by chance. trivance, master Kitely. However, if you will Down. Oh, did you find it, now? You said step into the next room with your wife, and you bought it ere-while. think coolly of matters, you'll find some trick has been played you-I fear there have been jealousies on both parts, and the wags have been merry with you. Kite. I begin to feel it-I'll take your counsel-Will you go in, dame? Dame K. I will have justice, Mr. Kitely. [Exeunt Kitely and Dame Kitely. Just. C. You will be a woman, Mrs. Kitely, that I see-How now, what's the matter? Enter a Servant. Serv. Sir, there's a gentleman i'the court Just. C. A soldier! My sword, quickly. A soldier speak with me! Štand by; I will end your matters anon- Let the soldier enter. Now, sir, what ha' you to say to me? Enter CAPTAIN BOBADIL and MASTER Capt. B. By your worship's favour-- I Step. And you said I stole it. Nay, now my uncle is here, I'll do well enough with you. Just. C. Well, let this breathe awhile. You that have cause to complain there, stand forth. Had you my warrant for this gentleman's apprehension? Capt. B. Ay, an't please your worship. Capt. B. Of your clerk, sir. Just. C. That's well, an' my clerk can make warrants, and my hand not at 'em! Where is the warrant? Officer, have you it? [Captain Bobadil and Matthew steal off. Brain. No, sir, your worship's man, master Formal, bid me do it for these gentlemen, and he would be my discharge. Just. C. Why, master Downright, are you such a novice to be served, and never see the warrant? Down. Sir, he did not serve it on me. Down. Marry, sir, he came to me, and said he must serve it, and he would use me kindly, and so Just. C. O, God's pity, was it so, sir? He must serve it? Give me a warrant; I must serve one too. You knave, you slave, you rogue; do you say you must, sirrah? Away with him to gaol. I'll teach you a trick for your must, sir. Brain. Good sir, I beseech be good to me. you Just. C. Tell him he shall to the gaol; away with him, I say. Capt. B. Faith, sir, so it is, this gentleman and myself have been most uncivilly wronged and beaten by one Downright, a coarse fellow about the town here; and, for my own part, protest, being a man in no sort given to this filthy humour of quarrelling, he hath assaulted me in the way of my peace; despoiled Brain. Ay, sir, if you will commit me, it me of mine honour; disarmed me of my wea- shall be for committing more than this. I pons; and rudely laid me along in the open will not lose by my travel any grain of my streets, when I not so much as once offered fame certain. [Throws off his Disguise. to resist him. Just. C. Oh, God's precious! is this the soldier? Lie there, my sword, 'twill make him swoon, I fear; he is not fit to look on't, that will put up a blow. Just. C. How is this? Kno. My man, Brainworm! Step. O yes, uncle, Brainworm has been with my cousin Edward and I all this day. Just. C. I told you all there was some device. Brain. Nay, excellent justice, since I have ving drank off, this is my sentence, pledge me. laid myself thus open to you, now stand strong Thou hast done, or assisted to nothing, in my for me, both with your sword and your balance. judgment, but deserves to be pardoned for the Just. C. Body o'me, a merry knave! Give wit o'the offence. Go into the next room; a bowl of sack. [A Servant brings it let master Kitely into this whimsical business; him] If he belongs to you, master Kno'well, and if he does not forgive thee, he has less I bespeak your patience. mirth in him than an honest man ought to have. [Exit Brainworn] Call master Kitely and his wife there. me Brain. That is it I have most need of. Sir, if you'll pardon me only, I'll glory in all the rest of my exploits. Kno. Sir, you know I love not to have my favours come hard from me. You have your pardon; though I suspect you shrewdly for being of counsel with my son against me. Re-enter KITELY and DAME KITELY. Did not I tell you there was a plot against you? Did I not smell it out, as a wise magistrate ought? Have not you traced, have not Brain. Yes, faith, I have, sir; though you you found it, eh, master Kitely? retained me doubly this morning for your- Kite. I have-I confess my folly, and own self; first, as Brainworm; after, as Fitz-sword. I have deserved what I have suffer'd for it. I was your reformed soldier. Twas I sent The trial has been severe, but it is past. All you to Cob's upon the errand without end. I have to ask now, is, that as my folly is Kno. Is it possible? Or that thou shouldst cured, and my persecutors forgiven, my shame disguise thyself so as I should not know thee? may be forgotten. Brain. O, sir! this has been the day of my Just. C. That will depend upon yourself, metamorphoses; it is not that shape alone that master Kitely; do not you yourself create the I have run through to-day. I brought master food for mischief, and the mischievous will not Kitely a message too, in the form of master prey upon you. But come, let a general ejustice's man here, to draw him out o'the way, conciliation go round, and let all discontents as well as your worship; while master Well-be laid aside. You, Mr. Downright, put off bred might make a conveyance of mistress your anger; you, master Kno'well, your cares; Bridget to my young master. and do you, master Kitely, and your wife, Just. C. But, I pray thee, what hast thou put off your jealousies. done with my man, Formal? Kite. Sir, thus they go from me: kiss me, my wife; my cleansed and my credulous watch where Brain. Faith, sir, after some ceremony past, as making him drunk, first with story, and See what a drove of horns fly in the air, then with wine, but all in kindness, and strip- Wing'd with ping him to his shirt, I left him in that cool vein, departed, sold your worship's warrant Watch 'em, to these two, pawned his livery for that varlet's gown to serve it in; and thus have brought See, see, on heads that think they've none at myself, by my activity, to your worship's consideration. O, what a plenteous world of this will come; Just. C. And I will consider thee in a cup When air rains horns, all may be sure of some. of sack. Here's to thee; [Drinks] which ha all. [Exeunt. SOPHIA LEE 50 cn is eldest daughter of Mr. John Lee. The author of The Children of Thespis relates of this Mr. Lee, that when he was manager of the Edinburgh Theatre, he was determined to improve upon stage thunder; and having procured a parcel of nine-pound shot, they were put into a wheelbarrow, to which he affixed a nine-pound wheel: this done, ridges were placed at the back of the stage, and one of the carpenters was ordered to trundle this wheelbarrow, filled, backwards and forwards over those ridges; the play was Lear, and in the two first efforts the thunder had s good effect: at length, as the King was braving the pelting of the pitiless storm, the thunderer's foot slipped, and down he came, wheelbarrow and all, the stage being on a declivity the balls made their way towards the orchestra, and meeting with bat a feeble resistance from the scene, laid it flat. This storm was more difficult for Lear to counter than the tempest of which he had so loudly complained: the balls taking every direction, he was obliged to skip about like the man who dances the egg hornpipe: the fiddlers, alarmed for their catgut, hurried out of the orchestra, and, to crown this scene of glorious confusion, the sprawling thunderer lay prostrate in sight of the audience, like another Salmoncus. We were sorry to observe, from the spirit which discovered itself in the preface to her first dramatic performance that she seemed to possess much of her father's petulance and irascibility. Justice, however, calls upon as to declare, that the play exhibited a degree of merit which promised much future entertainment to the public. It was entitled, The Chapter of Accidents; and has been followed by Almeida, The Assignation. Besides the dramas that we have mentioned, Miss Lee is author ef an elegant novel, called The Recess. This lady, with her sister Harriet, before noticed, opened a school, called Belvidere House, at Bath, soon after the death of her father, which they have conducted with great ability and credit. THE CHAPTER OF ACCIDENTS, Comedy by Miss Lee, Acted at the Haymarket 1750. This play, which is built on Diderot's Pere de Famille, without being a servile copy, possesses considerable merit, and was acted with much applause. It has kept possession of the stage now thirty years. Improving upon the model of Kelly, and the sentimental trash of his day, it mixed the pathos of comedy with the broadest farce, and, all together, proved one of the most successful pieces of this hetero |