Book of David

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Simon and Schuster, Jun 12, 2007 - Humor - 192 pages
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From award-winning comedian, director, writer, and producer David Steinberg comes the totally original, utterly blasphemous, and hysterically funny memoir of a young man who emerged from a traditional Jewish childhood to become an international star—all because, it seems, he kept God in stitches.

David Steinberg was raised in Winnipeg, Canada, by parents who expected little from him. And no wonder. Instead of studying Talmud in order to become a rabbi, he chose to major in Martin and Lewis with a minor in basketball. As David imagines the story of his life (since his success otherwise makes no sense), God one day spotted him on the playground and decided that this young man with no ambition could go far with His help. Sure enough, God soon had David on network TV and Broadway, and selling out nightclubs across the country—as well as being pursued by hot starlets.

The Book of David is David Steinberg's hilarious trip down memory lane, assuming that the lane has a biblical address. This wild riff on the Old Testament is guaranteed laughter.

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THE BOOK OF DAVID

User Review  - Kirkus

Late of many appearances on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson and two-drink-minimum gigs, comedian Steinberg tells the story of his life as though it were ripped from the Old Testament. Beware of a ... Read full review

THE BOOK OF DAVID

User Review  - Kirkus

Like The Book of J, on which Rosenberg collaborated with Harold Bloom, this is a highly speculative theory about a biblical author—here, of the novella-like section on King David in 2 Samuel—plus a ... Read full review

Selected pages

Contents

Section 1
3
Section 2
10
Section 3
12
Section 4
14
Section 5
31
Section 6
41
Section 7
45
Section 8
53
Section 17
113
Section 18
133
Section 19
134
Section 20
145
Section 21
151
Section 22
158
Section 23
159
Section 24
163

Section 9
61
Section 10
66
Section 11
73
Section 12
77
Section 13
79
Section 14
97
Section 15
98
Section 16
105
Section 25
164
Section 26
173
Section 27
174
Section 28
182
Section 29
183
Section 30
189
Copyright

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Popular passages

Page 108 - Behold, my master wotteth not what is with me in the house, and he hath committed all that he hath to my hand; there is none greater in this house than I ; neither hath he kept back any thing from me but thee, because thou art his wife: how then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God?
Page 108 - Behold, thou art called a Jew, and restest in the law, and makest thy boast of God, and knowest his will, and approvest the things that are more excellent, being instructed out of the law...
Page 108 - For he is not a Jew, which is one outwardly; neither is that circumcision, which is outward in the flesh: but he is a Jew, which is one inwardly; and circumcision is that of the heart, in the spirit, and not in the letter; whose praise is not of men, but of God.
Page 3 - Let there be lights in the firmament of the heavens to separate the day from the night; and let them be for signs and for seasons and for days and years, and let them be lights in the firmament of the heavens to give light upon the earth.
Page 108 - Therefore thou art inexcusable, O man, whosoever thou art that judgest: for wherein thou judgest another, thou condemnest thyself; for thou that judgest doest the same things.
Page 182 - Woe unto you that desire the day of the Lord! to what end is it for you? the day of the Lord is darkness, and not light. As if a man did flee from a lion, and a bear met him ; or went into the house, and leaned his hand on the wall, and a serpent bit him.
Page 109 - Go to, I pray thee, let me come in unto thee." And she said, "What wilt thou give me, that thou mayest come in unto me?
Page 81 - Moses had a wonderful rapport with God, whom I'm sure you'll all remember from last week's sermon.
Page 169 - Neither his silver nor his gold shall be able to deliver him in the day of the Lord's wrath...
Page 49 - Cause if you think nobody wants it, just throw it away and you will see, someone will have it before you can count aleph, bet, gimmel.

About the author (2007)

David Steinberg, now in his sixth decade as a major entertainer and comedian, was a regular substitute host for Johnny Carson, and appeared with Johnny more than anyone except Bob Hope. As a standup, he had four number one comedy albums, two network television shows, and was a leader of Second City during its heyday. He went on to help write and direct such television megahits as Curb Your Enthusiasm, Seinfeld, Mad About You, Friends, and Designing Women. He is also the executive producer, creator, and host of Sit Down Comedy with David Steinberg. Over the last fifty years, he has worked with nearly all of entertainment’s funniest performers and comedians. Visit him online at TheDavidSteinberg.com

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