'Holloa!' screeched out Scratchley, what are you doing, Henry?'

Oh, nothing, aunt!' I said; 'nothing particular; only a charade or two. Who'll act?' And before the old wretch could answer, up jumps saucy Miss Emmy. 'Charades! Oh, how jolly!' And Fanny and some of the youngsters joining in, got ahead of the old lady's Well, I never!' at which point she stopped, and I could see made a mental memorandum on the spot to cut us off with a shilling-or less.

Any how, we selected our party, and Miss Emmy, who is the old major's especial pet, insisted on his coming, and, as he said, ' making an old fool of himself,' in which part he shone conspicuously. A Miss Jones, also, was added to the force by persuasion. At first everything went wrong the lookers-on, who stayed in the drawing-room, wouldn't talk, except my aunt, who recovered her tongue wonderfully soon, and informed my wife that she would never enter our house again. Such wickedness and profligacy as 'playacting' and 'showing one's legs' she never put up with. In vain my poor old girl expostulated, and informed her we were not going to have a ballet; it was no use; so she was left to mutter. At this period my wife asked me what we could do with her; so I sent in some negusand a claret-cup-and an

especially strong glass for her, of the strength of which she knew nothing. We had a grand discussion in the green room' as to what we should do; and we settled, with the aid of some strong ale and the aforesaid Badminton, to play first at dumb crambo.' Perhaps you do not know what dumb crambo is, so I will tell you.

The game of dumb crambo is played in this manner. The actors retire, and the company settle on a word, that has to be guessed by the former, who are merely informed of the sound of the final syllable. They again retire, and think over it. When agreed as to what they consider is the word, they come on the stage and act in dumb that which they have fixed on. For instance, they are told the word ends in 'igh,' and as the spelling is unknown, they act shy, after this fashion-Two young ladies take their work, and the curtain is drawn up, discovering them pretending to talk in an animated way. The door opens, and in comes rather boisterously a gentleman pulling in a reluctant youth, who, in his confusion, drops his hat and umbrella, and at length is forced into a chair. The ladies having risen, and bowed with great impressement, he sits on the very edge of his chair, and the ladies manage to get theirs on each side of the unfortunate, each commencing to make violent love to him.

The distress of the youth is too apparent; and when one of the girls at last forces a skein of worsted on to his unwilling hands, he tries to retire, loses his balance, and comes with a crash to the ground, forming the climax. Should the company see the right word has been acted, they say so, and applaud: if not, the actors are hissed out, and have to try again.

We determined to try dumb crambo, and all the party had a great argument as to the word. Old Scratchley insisted on the word ending with teapot,' but being informed that was not one syllable, she relapsed into the sulks. length they settled, and announced the termination to be ill,' of which we were informed, and we deter

At

mined to act the syllable itself for the whole word, for if it was not 'ill' it might be 'pill,' and that would do nicely; so we had the sheet arranged, and got up our scene as follows:-The arrangements being completed, our curtain is raised, and, behold, Miss Jones lying on a bed of sickness, i. e., three chairs and a pillow, the only light being that of a night-lamp; Emmy very neatly got up with a housemaid's apron and cap, and looking so sweet and bewitching that it would be a pleasure to be ill if attended by her. Fanny, very wise and motherly, in nightcap and dressing-gown, approaches the bed, pours some physic (port wine, as it happened) into a dessert-spoon, and, with Emmy's help, forces Miss Jones to rise and swallow the horrible potion. I would not believe a pretty girl like Miss J. could make such a face as she did on that occasion; and with which, and a feeble moan, she subsided on to her pillow, leaving her hand hanging down over the side of the bed (chairs I mean). She has a small white hand, and knows it too. Fanny looks at her compassionately, Emmy wipes her eyes with the corner of her apron, and cries piteously. All at once a knock is heard at the door, and in stalks Paterfamilias (your humble servant), leading in, like a tame bear, an experienced doctor (Major Chutney), who, as an appropriate introduction into a lady's bedroom, brings his umbrella and hat-a large paper frill from his bosom representing the stage doctor of the period. The learned man seats himself by the bed and feels the patient's pulse, putting out a yard of tongue from his mouth, as an intimation of his wish, eliciting from Miss J. a little red tip from her mouth, which appearing very unsatisfactory, the doctor waves his hand, and in rushes

a maid with two bandboxes, one labelled PILLS,' and the other 'OINTMENT.' Out of the first he produces a large ball of worsted, and tries to induce Miss Jones to swallow the same, terminating the scene by the young lady recovering health and strength, and the whole party rushing from the room, fol

lowed by the hisses and laughter of the audience, from which we rightly inferred we had made a bad hit. The real word was too silly to notice. We guessed 'Still,' and all went in and sat on chairs without moving for two or three minutes, and, being applauded, were of course right. The next thing we did was, rather, fun. Tom Lennox, who cannot bear to do anything without talking, wanted a charade which he had been concocting on the spot. Now the very thing needful in affairs of this sort is to have a good manager, who can get up' the scenery and persons well, and Tom was just the sort of man, being asked to every party within his hail on this account. Well, he said, as if he had thought nothing about it, 'Oh, let's act Barbarism!' and so we did. We got the characters for the first half thus. Major Chutney begged off this time, and I left him in a corner with a bottle of ale. He was just getting talkative, and beginning some tale about an ayah and a chupattie, and an adjutant who had got hold of the chupattie-what that is I don't know, and as he did not mention the officer's regiment I can't find out; I know, of course, what an ayah is. Anyhow, as I said, we left him alone.

Tom Lennox we dressed up as a barber by taking his coat off, curling his whiskers, and tying on him one of the footman's aprons: this, with a comb behind his ear, completed his disguise. One of the youngsters, an Ensign Brown from the camp, we made into a barber's boy by merely taking his coat off and giving him a towel to clean the shop up with. Miss Jones was to act Lady Weeds, with Emmy her daughter Lady Cecilia. Miss Fanny was to act lady's-maid to Emmy. The looking-glass was placed on a table, and on another all the brushes, combs, bottles, bandolines, and everything of the sort that our establishment could boast of. Curtain rises-i. e., I hook it away with a walking-stick.

SCENE I.-A Barber's Shop.

Enter hastily BARBER. John, John, John, John, I say, you lazy rascal!

JOHN enters lazily, yawning. Did you call, sir?

BARBER. Call! yes, you idle, lazy rascal, I did call. Here, it is eleven o'clock, and Lady Cecilia coming to have her back hair cut, and nothing done. There's all the hair I cut off that bald gentleman, and the wig for him with the long hair-I mean the bald wig for the long-hairedbut you know what I mean, laughing at me. Here, lend it me. (Snatches JOHN's towel, and gives him a push, and rubs vehemently at the glass, knocks down a box of small articles, and in the confusion enter LADY WEEDS and LADY CECILIA.) Oh, your la'ship! Honoured, your la'ship. Walk this way, your la'ship.

LADY CEC. Ma, is this the shop? (Last word to be drawled out fine lady-ish.) I don't think I la-ike it. Well, let's see. Where's the ma-a-an?

BARBER. Here, your la'ship. Please to be seated, your la'ship. Very warm, your la'ship.

LADY CEC. Disgusting creature! Annette (to FANNY, who has begun a flirtation with JOHN), my fa'a'n.

ANNETTE. Fan? Yes, my lady. (Hands her a smelling-bottle. JOHN seizes fan and gives it.)

BARBER. (Takes out comb and hairpins, and lets Miss Emmy's hair down, winking to me outside the door.) How would your la'ship like your la'ship's hair cut, short, or long, or thinned?

LADY CEC. Cut a very little. And, ma'a'an, I should like to see some flowers.

BARBER. John, bring them hartificial flowers. Here, your la'ship; suit your la'ship's complexion; blush-rose, your la'ship; fine colour, your la'ship.

(Here her ladyship spies JOHN and ANNETTE kissing, or pretending to, and speaks.)

LADY CEC. Annette, you're flirting. Come here. (Drops her fan on purpose.) Annette, my fan. (ANNETTE picks it up.) Annette, show the horrid man what I want. (ANNETTE does so, and is detected kissing her hand to JOHN. Up jumps LADY CECILIA.) Annette, you are flirting; I shall stay here no longer (at which remark, being a preconcerted signal, the whole party exit in haste).

Much amusement follows, and the company consult among themselves. Half think that the word is Flirt, and half the right thing-Barber. No time is lost, however, for the second syllable, 'ism,' which is performed as follows:-My wife and I act the part of Master and Mistress of a house, and wait for servants to come and engage themselves.

Enter MISS EMMY, as a candidate for a cook's situation.

MY WIFE. So you're a cook, are you?

EMMY. Is'm. (This is supposed to be short for 'Yes, ma'am.')

MY WIFE. Oh! you are a good cook?

EMMY. Is'm; very good, mum. MY WIFE. You expect good wages? EMMY. Is'm; forty pounds a year. MY WIFE (in astonishment). What! forty pounds a year!

EMMY. Is'm; and parquisites. MY WIFE. Oh, I never allow perquisites!

EMMY. Oh yes you do, mum. MY WIFE. Very good; that will do; you can go.

(When she is gone my wife talks to me, and declares I was looking at the girl's pretty face, which of course I deny, and in walks MISS FANNY, with bonnet and shawl.)

MY WIFE. Well, what place have you come for? a cook's, I suppose? MISS FANNY. Is'm; a cook's, please 'm.

MY WIFE. Can you boil potatoes well?

MISS FANNY. Is'm.

MY WIFE. Are you tidy?
MISS FANNY. Is'm.

MY WIFE. Have you some nice chintz dresses?

MISS FANNY. Is'm.

MY WIFE. I don't allow followers. MISS FANNY. Oh, no, mum! But my cousins may come to see me, mayn't they?

MY WIFE. What are they-soldiers?

MISS FANNY. Is'm, please 'um. One in the 'Orse Artillery, one in the Foot Artillery, one in the Guards, one in the Marines, and a Coldstream, please 'um: that's all, mum.

(Here my wife, seeing my amusement, gets up, pretending I am making eyes at the girl, and tells her to quit

the room. Is'm! is'm! is'm!' says FANNY, and flounces out in the most approved method.)-End of Scene II.

This syllable is discussed, and guessed at length, and the actors come forward to ask if the whole word has been found out. When it has been settled the ladies join the lookers-on, and we gentlemen prepare for the grand affair of the evening. Old Major Chutney, who had been at the Cape, as well as all over India and Thibet, insisted on our acting the word Chief. He was so obstinate that we gave in, and prepared for our parts. We all dressed up as Caffres, by blacking our faces with burnt cork, draping our manly forms in blankets and counterpanes, and decorating ourselves with impromptu ornaments. The major was most imposing; he got a doll's wicker cradle belonging to our little girl, and fixed this on his head, and with a shield (the cover of a saucepan) and a genuine spear he looked very grand indeed. Tom Lennox made him shut his eyes to be corked, and then painted his nose a fine red with some chalk. We then got a trunk, with a number of articles of apparel, and placed it in charge of one of the party, who remained in the character of an European with a white hat and umbrella. Never shall I forget the savage and ferocious howl with which the Caffre chieftain rushed upon his foe.

With an impetus there was no resisting, he fell upon him, bonneted him with the saucepan-lid, and in two seconds the hapless Englishman lay dying on the sward-I should say, the hearthrug. It was then we displayed our knowledge of Caffre language, for when the old boy said, 'Ayah, pane, ankosi benki ti coonda bâh!' in we all rushed, shouting, Eestoo an, áglao!' and put an end to the agonies of the wounded victim, who lay writhing on the ground. The next was to take an inventory of the effects of the deceased traveller. The major-I beg his pardon, the gallant chief-waved his hand, and shouting, Baith, jow, urās, kuls!' we of course sat in a ring, and held counsel. The savages could not understand the various articles of apparel: on each garment a violent

discussion arose. The first thing taken from the box was a pair of trousers: after various essays, an ingenious savage settled the matter by tying it round his chieftain's neck. Next a couple of waistcoats were buttoned on-one round each of his royal legs. Of course, our obedience and cession of all to the major indicated his chieftainship at once. The hat proved a great mystery, but it was decided to be a most useful drinking utensil, and was repeatedly filled from a neighbouring stream, and handed to the savage despot, who at length flung it in the officious donor's face. What is this? The chief looks sideways into the box, holds up his finger to inculcate silence, and at length cautiously draws out a crinoline. The ladies were at once thrown into a great state of blushes and merriment, and the savages into an equally great state of astonishment. What could it be?-to catch birds? to keep prisoners in? No; the wily monarch found its proper use was to place in your enemy's path: his feet entangle themselves, and before he can recover, a few blows with the assegai, and there you are, as neat as can be. I forget exactly the various uses of the other articles found in the box, but they were all disposed of somehow; and as a finale old Chutney had everything heaped on his devoted head; and Tom Lennox, flinging the crinoline dexterously, netted the chieftain, and dragged him bodily off. As we supposed, nobody could guess the meaning of it, and we had to explain it, to our great ignominy. We then had a very nice supper, and much noise attending it, and under its influence Aunt Scratchley got quite confidential; and if she and old Chutney do not make a match of it (he has been married three times, and is a widower), why I think little Harry may come in for a good thing yet. We all drank each other's health, and wishes for many a merry Christmas, and broke up for the night. As I said before, we never did intend to have such a grand affair; but it has shown us, and I hope it may show others, how fun may be obtained with a little trouble.