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Counsel for Pros. By no means. It assault did make; and further, not havis easily cured. We'll send the constable ing the fear of your worships before his with a Mandamus to his Grace's kennel. eyes, but being moved and seduced by
Pris. Counsel. They are fox hounds. the instigation of a devilish it of hunger, Not the same species; therefore not his he the said prisoner did him the said equals. I do not object to the harriers, deceased, in the peace of our lord of the nor to a tales de circumstantibus.
manor then and there being, feloniously, Counsel for Pros. That's artful, wickedly, wantonly, and of malice aforebrother, but it won't take. I smoke your thought, tear, wound, pull, haul, touzle, intention of garbling a jury. You know masticate, macerate, lacerate, and dislothe harriers will be partial, and acquit cate, and otherwise evilly intreat; of your client at any rate. Neither will we all and singular which tearings, woundhave any thing to do with your tales. ings, pullings, haulings, touzleings, masti
Mat. No-no-you say right. I hate cations, and so forth, maliciously inflicted your tales and tale-bearers. They are a in manner and form aforesaid, the said rascally pack altogether.
Hare did languish, and languishing did Counsel for Pros. Besides, the statute die, in Mr. Just-ass Ponser's horsepond, gives your worships ample jurisdiction in to wit, and that is to say, contrary to the this case; and if it did not give it, your statute in that case made and provided, worships know how to take it, because and against the peace of our said lord, his the law says, boni est judicis ampliare manor and dignity. jurisdictionem.
This, please your worships, is the purPris. Counsel. Then - I demur for port of the indictment; to this indictment irregularity. The prisoner is a dog, and the prisoner has pleaded not guilty, and cannot be triable as a man-ergo, not now stands upon his trial before this within the intent of the statute.
honourable bench. Counsel for Pros. That's a poor sub Your worships will therefore allow me, terfuge. If the statute respects a man, before I come to call our evidence, to ex(a fortiori) it will affect a dog.
patiate a little upon the heinous sin, Ponser. You are certainly right. For wherewith the prisoner at the bar is when I was in the Turkish dominions, I charged. Hem !--To murder,-Ehemsaw an Hebrew Jew put to death for To_murder, may it please your worships, killing a dog, although dog was the in Latin, is-is-Murderare ;-or in the aggressor,
true and original sense of the word, Mur. Counsel for Pros. A case in point, der-ha-re. H-, as your worships well please your worship. And a very know, being not as yet raised to the digcurious and learned one it is. And the nity of a letter by any act of parliament, it plain induction from it is this, that the follows that it plainly is no other than Jero (who I take for granted was a man) Murder-a-re, according to modern refined being put to death for killing dog, it pronunciation. The very root and etyfollows that said dog was as respectable mology of the word, does therefore coma person, and of equal rank in society prehend in itself a thousand volumes in with the said Jew ; and thereforemergo folio, to show the nefarious and abominaand moreover_That, said dog, so slain, ble guilt of the prisoner, in the comwas, to all and every purpose of legal mission and perpetration of this horrid inference and intendment, neither more fact. And it must appear as clear as nor less than a man.
sunshine to your worships, that the word Court. We are all clearly of that Murderare, which denotes the prisoner's opinion.
crime, was expressly and originally apCounsel for Pros. Please your wor- plied to that crime, and to that only, as ships of the honourable bench. On being the most superlative of all possible Saturday the day of February crimes in the world. I do not deny that, inst. on or about the hour of five in the since it first came out of the mint, it has, afternoon, the deceased Mr. Hare was through corruption, been affixed to travelling quietly about his business, in a offences of a less criminal nature, such as certain highway or road leading towards killing a man, a woman, or a child. But Muckingham ; and then, and there, the the sense of the earliest ages having prisoner at the bar being in the same stamped hare-murder, or murder-ha-re, road, in and upon the body of the de. (as the old books have it,) with such exceased, with force and arms, a violent traordinary atrociousness, I am sure that
Just-asses of your worships' acknowledged the purpose. Have you any more qués. and well-known wisdom, piety, erudition, tions for the witness? and bumanity, will not, at this time of the Pris. Counsel. Yes, I have. Pray, day, be persuaded to hold it less detesta- friend, how do you know the body you ble and sinful. Having said thus much found was the very same you saw on the on the nature of the prisoner's guilt, s evening before ? mean not to aggravate the charge, be Lurcher. I can't tell; but I'm ready cause I shall always feel due compassion to take my bible oath on't. for my fellow-creatures, however wickedly Pris Counsel. That is a princely arthey may demcan themselves.- I shall guinent, and I shall ask you nothing farnext proceed, with your worships' leave, ther. to call our witnesses.--Call Lawrence Mrs. Margery Dripping, cook to his Lurcher and Toby Tunnel.
worship squire Ponser, deposed to the Pris. Counsel. I must object to swear- condition of the deceased. ing these witnesses. I can prove, they were both of them drunk, and non compos,
DEFENCE. during the whole evening, when this fact is supposed to have been committed. Prisoner's Counsel. Please your wor
Bottle. That will do you no service. ships, I am counsel for the prisoner, who, I am very often drunk myself, and never in obedience to your worships' commands, more in my senses than at such times. has pleaded not guilty; and I hope to
Corrt. We all agree in this point prove that his plea is a good plea; and with brother Bottle.
that he must be acquitted by the justice
of his cause. In the first place, the wit[Objection overruled and witnesses
nesses have failed, in proving the prisonsworn.]
er's identity. Next, they have not proved Lurcher. As I, and Toby Tunnel here, the identity of the deceased. Thirdly, was a going hoam to squire Ponser's, they do not prove, who gave the wounds. along the road, one evening after dark, Fourthly, nor to whom they were given. we sees the prisoner at the bar, or some- Fifthly, nor whether the party died of the body like him, lay hold of the deceased, wounds, if they were given, as supposed, or somebody like him, hy the back, an't to this identical hare. For, I insist upon please your worships. So, says I, Toby, it, that, because a hare was found in the says I, that looks for all the world like squire's horse-pond, non sequitur, that he one of 'squire Ponser's hares. So the 'was killed, and thrown in by the defendant. deceased cried out pitifully for help, and Or, if they had proved that defendant jumped over a hedge, and the prisoner had maliciously, and animo furioso, purafter bim, growling and swearing bitterly sued the deceased into the horse-pond, it all the way. So, says I, Toby, let's run does not prove the defendant guilty of his after 'um. So I scrambled up the hedge; death, because he might owe his death to but Toby laid hold of my leg, to help him- the water ; and therefore, in that case, self up; so both of us tumbled through a the pond would be guilty ; and if guilly, thick furze hush into the ditch. So, next triable; and if triable, punishable for the morning, as we a going by the saine, and not my client. And I must squire's, we sees the deceased in his wor- say,(under favour,) that his worship would ship's horse-pond.
likewise be particeps criminis, for not Pris. Counsel. Are you sure he was having filled it up, to prevent such accidead?
dents. One evidence, who never saw the Larcher Ay, as dead as my great prisoner till now, nor the deceased till grandmother.
after the fact supposed to have happened, Pris. Counsel. What did you do with declares, he is sure the prisoner killed the the body ?
deceased. And why? Because he is Ponser. That's not a fair question. ready to take his bible oath on't. This It ought not to be answered.
is, to be sure, a very logical conviction. Lurcher. I bean't ashamed nor afeard Court. It is a very legal one, and to tell, not I. We carried it to his wor- that's better. ship, squire Ponser ; and his worship had Pris. Counsel. I submit to your wishim roasted, with a pudding in his belly, doms. But I must conclude with observfor dinner, that seame day.
ing, that admitting a part of the evidence Council for Pros. That is nothing to to be true, viz. that the prisoner did meet
the deceased on the highway, and held ditch with the prisoner at his heels. It some conference with him; I say, that was at this very juncture they were obsupposing this, for argument sake; I do served by the two witnesses first examininsist, that Mr. Hare, the deceased, was ed. The learned counsel further affirmed not following a lawful, honest business, at from circumstances, which he contended that late hour; but was wickedly and amounted to presumptive evidence, that, mischievously bent upon a felonious de- after various turnings and windings, in sign, of trespassing on farmer Carter's his endeavour to escape, his foot slipped, ground, and stealing, consuming, and and the prisoner seized him and inflicted carrying off, his corn and his turnips. I divers wounds; but that the deceased further insist that the defendant, know- finding means to get away, took to the ing this his felonious and evil machina- pond, in order to swim across ;
when tion, and being resolved to defend the the prisoner, running round the pond inproperty of his good friend and patron cessantly, prevented his escape : so that, from such depredations, did endeavour to faint and languishing under his wounds divert him from it. Which not being able and loss of blood, the hapless victim there to effect by fair means, he then was obliged breathed his last, in manner and form as to try his utmost, as a good subject and the indictment sets forth. He also trusty friend, to seize and apprehend bis alleged that, as Mr. Hare lived within person, and bring him, per habeas corpus, his worship's territory, where there are before your worships, to be dealt with ac several more of the same family, he cording to law. But the deceased being could not, therefore, be going to farmer too nimble for him, escaped out of his Carter's ; for that would have been abclutches, and tumbling, accidentally, in the surd, when he might have got corn and dark, into his worship’s horse-pond, was turnips enough on his worship's own there drowned. This is, I do not doubt, ground. Can there, said the learned gena true history of the whole affair; and tleman, be a stronger, a weightier, a proves that, in the strictest construction
surer, a-a--a-? of law, it can only be a case of per infor Court. We understand you.' It is as tunium-unless your worships should ra clear as crystal. ther incline to deem it a felo de se.
[Their worships in consultation.] Noodle. A fall in the sea ! No such Court. Has the prisoner's counsel thing: it was only a horse-pond, that's any thing further to offer in his behalf ? clear from the evidence.
Pris. Counsel. Call farmer Carter. Pris. Counsel. Howsoever your wor Pray, farmer Carter, inform the court ships may think fit to judge of it, I do what you know of the prisoner's life, chahumbly conceive, upon the whole matter, racter, and behaviour. that the defendant is not guilty ; and I Carter. I have known the prisoner these hope your worships, in your wisdoms, several years. He has lived in my house will concur with me in opinion, and great part of the time. He was always acquit him.
soberThe Counsel for the Prosecution replied Court. Never the honester for that. in a long speech. He contended that Mr. Well, go on. Hare, the deceased, was a peaceable, Carter. Sober, honest, sincere, trusty, quiet, sober, and inoffensive sort of a per and careful. He was one of the best and son, beloved by king, lords, and commons, most faithful friends I ever knew. He and never was known to entertain any has many a time deterred thieves from idea of robbery, felony, or depredation, breaking into my honse at night, and murbut was innocently taking the air, one af- dering me and my family. He never ternoon, for the benefit of his health,when hated nor hurt any body but rogues and he was suddenly accosted, upon his ma night-walkers. He performed a million jesty's highway, by the prisoner, who im of good offices for me, for no other remediately, and bloody-mindedly, without compense than his victuals and lodging ; saying a syllable, made at him, with so and seemed always happy and contented much fury in his countenance, that the with what I could afford him, however deceased was put in bodily fear; and scanty the provision. He has driven away being a lover of peace, crossed the other many a fox that came to steal my geese side of the way: the prisoner followed and turkies; and, for taking care of a him close, and pressed him so hard, that flock of sheep, there is not his equal in he was obliged to fly over hedge and the county. In short, whenever he dies,
I shall lose my best friend, my best ser to be nourished with mince-meat and vant, and most vigilant protector. I am pap? Shall we give our horses chocolate positive that he is as innocent as a babe and muffins ? No, gentlemen. The brains of the crime charged upon him; for he of labourers, tradesmen, and mechanics, was with me that whole evening, and (if they have any,) should ever be sodden supped and slept at home.
and stupified with the grosser aliments of indeed my constant companion, and we bacon and dumpling. What is it, but the were seldoin or never asunder. If your spirit of poaching, that has set all the lower worships please, I'll be bail for him from class, the canaille, a hunting after hare'sfive pounds to five hundred
flesh? You see the effects of it gentleCourt. That cannot be: it is not a bail. men; they are all run mad with politics, able offence. Have you any thing else to resist their rulers, despise their magissay, Mr. Positive?
trates, and abuse us in every corner of the Carter. Say? I think I've said enough, kingdom. If you had begun hanging of if it signified any thing.
poachers ten years ago, d'ye think you Bottle. Drag him away out of hearing. would have had one left in the whole
kingCarter. I will have justice! You, all of dom by this time? No, I'll answer for it; ye, deserve hanging more than your pri- and your hares would have multiplied, till
they had been as plenty as blackberries, Court. Away with bim, constable.- and not lett a stalk of corn upon the Scum of the earth! Base-born peasant ! ground. This, gentlemen, is the very [Carter is hauled out of the court, after a thing we ought to struggle for; that these stout resistance.)
insolent clowns may come to find, that the Court. A sturdy beggar ! We must find only use they are good for, is to furnish out some means of wiring that fellow! provision for these animals,
In short, The Counsel for the Prosecution prayed gentlemen, although it is not totally clear sentence of death upon the culprit at the from the evidence, that the prisoner is bar.
guilty ; nevertheless, hanged he must and Court. How says the statute ? Are we ought to be, in terrorem to all other ofcompetent for this?
fenders. Counsel for Pros. The statute is, I con Therefore let the culprit stand up, and fess, silent. But silence gives consent. hearken to the judgment of the court. Besides, this is a case of the first impres Constable. Please your worship, he's up: sion, and unprovided for by law. It is Bottle. Porter ! Thou hast been found your duty, therefore, as good and wise guilty of a most daring, horrible, and magistrates of the Hundreds of Gotham, atrocious crime. Thou hast, without being to supply this defect of the law, and to qualified as the law directs, and without suppose
that the law, where it says no licence or deputation from the lord of the thing, may be meant to say, whatever your manor, been guilty of shedding innoworships shall be pleased to make it. cent blood. In so doing, thou hast bro
Bottle. It is now incumbent upon me ken the peace of the realm, set at naught to declare the opinion of this high and the laws and statutes of thy country, and right worshipful court here assembled. (what is more than all these) offended
Shall the reptile of a dunghill, a paltry against these respectable personages, who muckworm, a pitch-fork fellow, presume have been sitting in judgment upon thee. for to go for to keep a dog ?-and not For all this enormity of guilt, thy life doth only a dog, but a dog that murders hares? justly become forfeit
, io atone for such Are these divine creatures, that are reli. manifold injuries done to our most excelgiously consecrated to the mouths alone of lent constitution. We did intend, in squires and nobles, to become the food of Christian charity, to have given some mogarlic-eating rogues ? It is a food, that ments for thy due repentance, but, as the nature and policy forbid to be contami- hour is late, and dinner ready, now hear nated by their profane teeth. It is by far thy doom. too dainty for their robustious constitu Thou must be led from the bar to the tions. How are our clayey lands to be end of the room, where thou art to be turned up and harrowed, and our harvests hanged by the neck to yonder beam, coto be got in, if our labourers, who should tam nobis, till you are dead, dead, dead ! strengthen themselves with beef and ale, Hangman, do your duty. should come to be fed with hare, partridge, Constable. Please your worships, all is and pheasant ? Shall we suffer our giants ready.
Ponser. Hoist away, then, hoist away.
'SQUIRES. [Porter is tucked up.]
J. Bottle-Butler. Mat. Come, it seems to be pretty well A. Noodle-Aldridge. over with him now. The constable has
Mat o' the Mill-Challen. given him a jerk, and done his business.
0. Ponser-Bridger. Bottle. He's an excellent fellow.
It appears that “ the actors in the Ponser. The best informer in the whole tragedy were well known by their nick. county.
names, given in Mr. Long's pamphlet." Bottle. And must be well encouraged. Ponser. He shall never want a licence,
Edward Long, esq. was called to the whilst I live. Noodle. Come, shall we go to dinner? Jamaica, where he, at first, filled the post
bar in 1757, and sailed immediately for Bottle. Ay-he'll never course hares of private secretary to his brother-in-law, again in this world. Gentlemen, the court sir Henry Moore, bart., then lieutenantis adjourned.
governor of the island. He was after[Exeunt omnes.
wards appointed judge of the vice-admiEPITAPH,
ralty court, and left the island in 1769. Composed iny Sam. Snivel, the parish clerk, The remainder of his long life was spent
in England, and devoted to literature. proposed to be put, at Farmer Carter's expense, on the unfortunate malefactor's tious report
of the case of “ Fariner Car
Mr. Long's first production was the facetombstone :
ter's Dog Porter.” He wrote ably on Here lie the remains
negro slavery, the sugar trade, and the of
state of the colonies ; but his most dishonest PORTER;
tinguished work is “The History of Jawho,
maica,” in three quarto volumes, which after an innocent and well-spent life, contains a large mass of valuable inforwas dragged hither, and
mation, much just reasoning, and many tried,
spirited delineations of colonial scenery for a crime he never committed, and manners, and is almost as rare as upon laws to which he was uvamenable, the curious and amusing tract that has
before men who were no judges, contributed to the preceding pages. He found guilty without evidence, was born on the 23d of August, 1734,
and hanged without mercy : at Rosilian, in the parish of St. Blaize, to give to future ages an example, Cornwall, and died, on the 13th of that the spirit
March, 1813, at the house of his son-inof Turkish despotism, tyranny,
law, Henry Howard Molyneux, esq. M.P. oppression,
of Arundel Park, Sussex, aged 79. Furafter glutting itself with the conquest of ther particulars of his life, writings, and liberty
family, are in Mr. Nichols's “ Literary in British men,
Anecdotes," and the “ Gentleman's Mas has stooped at length to wreak its bloody gazine,” vol. Ixxiii., from whence this vengeance
brief notice is extracted.
Mean Temperature ...37.27.
This humorous « Trial" was written
February 9. in consequence of “ real event which
St. Apollonia. actually took place, in 1771, near Chiches She is called, by Butler, “ the admirable ter.” The persons who composed the Apollonia, whom old age and the state court are designated by fictitious names; of virginity rendered equally venerable." but to a copy of the pamphlet, in the He relates, that in a persecution of the possession of the editor of the Every-day Christians, stirred up by “ a certain poet Book, there is a manuscript-key to their of Alexandria,” she was seized, and all identity. The affair is long past, and her teeth were beaten out, with threats they are therefore added in italics, that she should be cast into the fire, “ if