gested; and a husband should not speak of losses in the city when the family meal is under discussion. The Greeks had a proverb to express this malapropos: то εv paky popov, which may be interpreted, putting pepper in your acorn-tart. To neglect the rule, is not merely to risk a dangerous fit of dyspepsia; but is the nearest road to a separate maintenance, or a visit to Doctor's Commons. On account of the digestion, much more than on that of the servants, politics should, in all companies, be reserved till the dessert, and a light reciprocating, shuttlecock and battledoor interchange of amenities alone be permitted before the cheese. Hence also the propriety of a graduated ascending scale of mirth, tending at first rather to a placid hilarity, than to obstreperous laughter; and exercising, rather than shaking the diaphragm. Remember that if inextinguishable laughter be the property of the immortal gods, the gods, in their infinite beatitude, have no digestions to spoil. This is a point requiring great nicety. In the very best (that is the most exclusive) circles, the caution is usually overdone. In them, it is mauvais ton to address an opposite neighbour at table, or to disturb the solemn gravity of the scene, by speaking above the breath. This is certainly supremely fine; but it is also (absit invidia) supremely dull; and not improbably, one among the causes which render the high aristocracy so liable to gout. As a general rule, we would recommend a total abstinence from all wit, as long as the soup and fish are on the table;-a pithy remark, or a short pleasantry may accompany the entrées ;-but no " palpable hits" should be ventured, at the very earliest, till the pièces de résistance have been tested and removed. Before the second course is called for, the company have not wound up their courage to a hearty laugh, and if called on prematurely to respond to the joker, they resent it almost as an injury. With the removal of the first course, indeed, a decided attempt on our sympathies may be cautiously ventured. It seasons the glass of wine de rigueur, which then, should pass between the guests; and "in houses where things are so-so," it operates an acceptable diversion, by drawing off attention from the slow and uncertain movements going on between kitchen and dining-room. 66 Agreeable conversation being (as we have shown) the last best result of a refined civilization, it is little to be admired, that good conversers should not be quite as plenty as blackberries." Although to converse pleasantly may require no knowledge of a transcendental and penetrating character, yet it implies a considerable range of information, and a refined tact in its application. The current subjects of discourse in good society are perpetually varying; and what was matter for conversation yesterday, is not necessarily so to-day. The most experienced practitioner who has absented himself for a time on the continent, or at his estate in a remote country-nay, if he have but taken a month's grousing, or stalked a deer with Mr. Scrope in the far north, must, on his return to town, take time to learn what are the reigning themes of the day, or he will find himself infallibly voted a twaddle. Last year, geology had la parole; this year the run was on the Daguerrotype; and Heaven knows what may be the staple of the ensuing season. Pleasant personalities, it will perhaps be thought, must ever be a sure card; and a little gentle scandal at all times a welcome topic. Granted; but the question still remains as to the proper persons to serve out, the reigning subjects for quizzing,-who is the last levanter,-the last rat, the last man who has made himself scarce, and retired on his keeping to Boulogne. The public funds are not so liable to fluctuation as the attention of the club-houses; and the man who should attempt to gain the ear of society for "him that died on Wednesday," or to talk of Taglioni when the omnibus is occupied with Cerito, is no better than a lost mutton. He might as well hold forth on the greatesthappiness principle to a French actress, or read the Missionary Society a lecture on the first philosophy. There are few things more difficult to define than a good talker, "What speech esteem you most ?"-"The king's,' said I; The talker is a species that evades description; and it is much easier to say what are not, than what are his merits. Nay, the qualifications may be set down as varying with time, place, and circumstance. The good talker of Belgrave-square has no resemblance to the beaux esprits of the Minories. The former shines, rather through the happy temperament of many good dispositions, than by the prominence of any one: the latter must possess something more salient and demonstrative. In the perfectly bon-ton circle, it is easy to be too brilliant: of the good talker, as of the good writer, it may be said, urit enim fulgore suo; and this not through the envy, but the indolence of the auditory. Whatever keeps the understanding painfully on the stretch, and taxes the comprehension too severely, disturbs the happy equanimity of the company; and the offender is at once set down as underbred. A lively jester, or an indefatigable story-teller, who would make his fortune in bar society, or at a House of Commons dinner-party, would dazzle instead of shining, in a more aristocratic assembly. Much, therefore, depends on the audience. It will never do to discuss the funds with a fine lady, or to canvass a casuitical case of ethics at Crockford's. We recommend this reflection to all young fellows of colleges, fresh from the universities; who having been for years nourished with quiddities and mannerisms, are apt, on coming to town, to give out their local jests, to talk of Tom Such-a-one of this college, or Doctor Somebody the head of that house,-most illustrious notabilities whom nobody knows beyond the jurisdiction of the proctors—and to wonder that what made the fortune of a wine-party at Trinity, or Christ-Church, falls as flat as a flounder in Baker-street or Bloomsbury-square. This oversight is also a favourite failing with fox-hunters: thereby meaning not gentlemen who hunt for amusement, but they who make following the hounds the one business of their lives,-absolutely the most one-idead persons in existence, and the most persevering monopolists of conversation. With them also we must range the stage-struck retailers of greenroom anecdotes, who are hand-and-glove with the actors, and call them by their Christian names. But beyond all endurance is the nuisance of those who have arrogated to themselves the title of serious, and who drag religion 'on the tapis 'upon all occasions, or, as they phrase it themselves, "in season and out of season." It is among the most mischievous mistakes of the day, to imagine that the world is a mere arena for theological discussion. There is no case in which the sensibility of the heart is more easily blunted by overworking the head, and in which familiarity is more effectual in breeding contempt. Your unwearied lecturers of both sexes should reflect that it is a law of nature for the overstrained bow to break; and they who have scripture-texts eternally in their mouths should recollect, that when the seventh day was service, the other six were left for the purposes of our natural being. One of the worst defects of a talker, and against which the best cannot be too much on his guard, is that of for ever being on parade. One or two of the best-informed and cleverest conversation-men upon town (we will not name), contrive to render themselves the most intolerable nuisances, by seizing on the company and pinning them down like a bull-dog, by their ears; suffering no one else to open their mouths, and allowing attention no moment of repose. No matter how excellent the anecdotes, how piquant the witticisms, if the talker thus thrusts them on unwilling ears, "Just as the Scotchman does his plums," his auditors will be ready to exclaim, "Que tu n'es qu'un babil importun, De l'esprit, si l'on veut,-mais pas le sens commun :" and what is far worse the master of the house will forget to ask such a man, the next time he purposes to be pleasant. Nor is it enough to avoid monopoly, and to give and take freely in society; even when we have legitimate possession of "the speaker's eye," and take the lead without any show of violence, it is necessary before all things to consult brevity. Tout genre est bon hors l'ennuieux; and nothing is more fugitive than the attention of a mixed company. A good talker is essentially sensitive on this point; and the moment he catches a wandering eye, he hastens to a conclusion, even at the risk of concluding nothing. Once to be thought a proser, is to be routed horse, foot, and heavy dragoons: the reputation sticks through life. Brevity, amongst its many advantages, ensures simplicity; but affectation is an extinguisher of the first class. Recherche implies effort; and the man who speaks per far effetto, very rarely succeeds in attaining his end. From all this, the conclusion is immediate, that the main ingredient of good conversation, the fundamental basis which. governs its harmony, is good sense. There is, however, another quality more easy to command, and no less essential-good nature. Persiflage, and even a leetle calumny, will in particular coteries, as we have inferred, pass for wit, and will occasionally be forgiven in good society: but raillery for the sake of railing, is in the long run offensive, even in the worst. It is besides ill policy to make an enmity which lasts for life, for the sake of a laugh that lasts but for a minute. We need scarcely add a word of warning against pedantry; the word itself carries with it its own condemnation. With Drs. Parr and Johnson, and with every hair of their portentous perukes staring us in the face, we deliberately declare our conviction, that too intimate an acquaintance with books is oftener an impediment than a help to good conversa tion. The merest man of the world who has seen a good deal of it, though his discourse may be shallow and barren, will make his way better in general society, than an Helluo librorum. Your walking encyclopædia is admirable for occasional consultation; but if once opened in a social circle, the deuce of it is, that he is not so easily shut again when you have done with him. You must not only have his truth, but his whole truth, and nothing but his truth, even though it should exhaust the Bodleian. The best talkers, however, are a happy mixture of both books and the world, and that, perhaps, is the reason why they are so extremely rare. We need not warn any one capable of finding his way to a decent board, against the irremissible sin of idle questioning. Per contutorem fugito, is the wise maxim of Horace, who gives a sufficient reason for his advice, quia garrulus idem est ;-but there is a still better; namely, because of all the bores that infest society an unpitying questionist is, at once, the stupidest, and the least tolerable. But we are fast approaching towards an infringement of one of our own rules, and are within an ace of spinning our yarn too fine. Passing, therefore, over many other particulars, as " too tedious to mention," we shall conclude with a notice of one quality, which is an absolute sine qua non to shining in any society-a modest assurance. No matter what may be a man's other qualifications; let him be an amalgamation of Luttrell, Sydney Smith, Dr. Johnson, and Conversation Sharp, in one-if he have one single grain of bashfulness, he will infallibly pass for no better than a nincompoop. Never yet did mortal doubt of his own competence to amuse his company, and to tell his story, or plant his hit effectually, without amply justifying his own augury: whereas, it is marvellous what a confident air and a self-centred assurance will do in giving circulation to a mere niaiserie. "Many a time and oft," and even in better companies than usually assemble "on the Rialto," we have known an excellent jest, or an original observation thus hesitatingly put forward by a shy and timid discourser, to drop unnoticed by all, save some professional veteran, who, immediately seizing on the stillborn abortion, has breathed into it the life of a more confident delivery, and unblushingly appropriated it, in the very face of the baffled proprietor. Thus it happens, as in many more important occasions, that success begets success; and that the reputation of former achievements becomes the cheap instrument of future triumphs. Let no man therefore, who is addicted to nervousness, and who has not repeatedly convinced himself that he is beyond the reach of a small-beer estimate of his own abilities, enter upon the career of a professed taiker. Whatever may be his stock of trade, however advantageously he may have exploited it in his own domestic circle, he will infallibly break down, the first time he comes in contact with a rival, who has been dipped in the Garonne, or has saluted the blarney-stone in the province of Munster. (65 LINES ON SEEING MISS G*** IN A FANCY COSTUME AT THE CALEDONIAN BALL AT ALMACK'S. GAY creature of the elements!-fay,-sprite, Tell us, bright being! from what lily's leaves What means this antique guise,-this quaint array ?— She smiles and answers not,-but flits aside, What dreams of love lie sleeping in those eyes,- Nay! fly not, gentle sylph! repose awhile On yonder rose,—while from the admiring crowd Evokes bewildering plaudits,-" deep, not loud." She starts!-the music's clang dissolves my spell! Gay creature of the elements !-farewell!— Heaven hath a brighter sphere for such as thou! Sept.-VOL. LX. NO. CCXXXVII. |