'Twas ill for us we had to do
With fo dithonourable a foe:
For though the law of arms doth bar
The ufe of venom'd fhot in war,

Yet by the naufeous ímell, and noisome,
Their cafe-fhot favour strong of poison,
And doubtlefs have been chew'd with teeth
Of fome that had a stinking breath;
Elfe, when we put it to the push,
They had not given us fuch a brush:
But as thofe pultroons that fling dirt
Do but defile, but cannot hurt;
So all the honour they have won,
Or we have loft, is much at one.
'Twas well we made fo refolute
A brave retreat, without purfuit;
For if we had not, we had fped
Much worfe, to be in triumph led;
Than which the Ancients held no state
Of man's life more unfortunate.
But if this bold adventure e'er

Do chance to reach the Widow's ear,
It may, being deftin'd to affert
Her fex's honour, reach her heart:
And as fuch homely treats (they say)
Portend good fortune, fo this may.
Vefpafian being daub'd with dirt,
Was deftin'd to the empire for 't;
And from a scavenger did come
To be a mighty prince in Rome :
And why may not this foul address
Prefage in love the fame fuccefs?

Then let us ftraight, to cleanse our wounds,
Advance in queft of nearest ponds;
And after (as we first defign'd)
Swear I've perform'd what she enjoin'd.

860

865

Others believe no voice t' an organ So fweet as lawyer's in his bar-gown, Until with fubtle cobweb-cheats

ΤΟ

15

They 're catch'd in knotted law, like nets;

870

In which, when once they are imbrangled,

Others still gape t' anticipate

The cabinet-defigns of Fate,

875

Apply to wizards, to forefee

29

What fhall, and what fhall never be;

And, as thofe vultures do forebode,

Believe events prove bad or good:

880

A flam more fenfeless than the roguery Of old aurufpicy and augury.

30

Prefag'd th' events of truce or battle;

Than thofe that with the ftars do fribble.
This Hudibras by proof found true,
As in due time and place we 'll fhew:
For he with beard and face made clean,
Being mounted on his fteed again.
(And Ralpho got a cack-horfe too,
Upon his beast, with much ado)
Advanc'd on for the Widow's house,
T'acquit himself, and pay his vows;
When various thoughts began to hustle,
And with his inward man to justle.
He thought what danger might accrue,
If the fhould find he fwore untrue;
Or, if his Squire or he should fail,
And not be punctual in their tale,
It might at once the ruin prove
Both of his honour, faith, and love:
But if he should forbear to go,

About the fcience aftrologic;

Till falling from difpute to fight,

The Conjuror's worsted by the Knight.

OUBTLESS the pleasure is as great

DOUBTLESS

a

And that he durft not now, for fhame,
Appear in court to try his claim.
This was the pen' worth of his thought,
To pafs time, and uneafy trot.

Quoth he, In all my paft adventures
I ne'er was fet fo on the tenters.
Or taken tardy with dilemma,

Ver. 25. Apply to wizards. Run after, in the edition of 1664.

A total o'erthrow given the King
In Cornwall, horfe and foot, next spring?
And has not he point-blank foretold
Whatfoe'er the Clofe Committee would?
Made Mars and Saturn for the Cause,
The Moon for fundamental laws?
The Ram, the Bull, and Goat declare
Against the Book of Common-Prayer?
The Scorpion take the Proteftation,
And Bear engage for reformation?
Made all the Royal ftars recant,
Compound, and take the Covenant >

Quoth Hudibras, The cafe is clear
The Saints may' employ a conjurer,
As thou haft prov'd it by their practice;
No argument like matter of fact is:
And we are beft of all led to
Men's principles by what they do.
Then let us ftrait advance in quest
Of this profound gymnofophift,
And, as the Fates and he advife,
Puriue or wave this enterprise.
This faid, he turn'd about his steed,
And eftfoons on th' adventure rid;
Where leave we him and Ralph awhile,
And to the conjurer turn our style,
To let our reader understand

Th' intelligible world he knew, And all men dream on 't to be true, That in this world there's not a wart 180 That has not there a counterpart ;

190

Nor can there on the face of ground An individual beard be found That has not, in that foreign nation, A fellow of the felf-fame fashion; 185 So cut, fo colour'd, and so curl'd, As thofe are in th' inferior world. He 'ad read Dee's prefaces before, The Devil, and Euclid, o'er and o'er; And all th' intrigues 'twixt tum and Kelly, Lefcus and th' Emperor, wou d tell ye: But with the moon was more familiar Than e'er was almanac well-willer; Her fecrets underflood fo clear, That fome believ'd he had been there; Knew when the was in fittest mood For cutting corns, or letting blood; When for anointing fcabs or itches, Or to the bun applying leeches; When fows and bitches may be 1pay'd, And in what fign best cyder 's made;

195

200

225

230

235

240

245

Whether the wane be, or increate

Beit to fet garlic, or fow peale;

150

Who first tound out the man i' th' moon,

What's useful of him before-hand.

That to the Ancients was unknown;

How many dukes, and earls, and peers,

Are in the planetary fpheres;

Magic, horofcopy, aitrology, And was old dog at phyfiology;

Their airy empire and command,

255

Their feveral itrengths by fea and land;

But as a dog that turns the fpit

What factions they ave, and what they drive at

Beftirs himself, and plies his feet

210

In public vogue, or what in private:

To climb the wheel, but all in vain,
His own weight brings him down again,
And ftill he's in the felf-fame place
Where at his fetting out he was;

With what defigns and intereits

Each party manages contests.

260

So in the circle of the arts

215

Did he advance his natural parts,
Till falling back til!, for retreat,
He fell to juggle, cant, and cheat:
For as thofe fowls that live in water
Are never wet, he did but fmatter;
Whate'er he labour'd to appear,
His understanding still was clear;
Yet none a deeper knowledge boasted,
Since old Hodge Bacon, and Bob Grofted,

220

He made an initrament to know

If the moon thine at full or no;
That would, as foon as e'er the thone, ftraight
Whether 'twere day or night demonitrate;
Tell what her diameter to an inch is,
And prove that the 's not made of green cheese.
It would demonitrate, that the man in
The moon's a fea Mediterranean;

And that it is no dog nor bitch
That ftands behind him at his breech,
But a huge Cafpian iea, or lake,

With arms, which men for legs mistake,
How large a gulf his tail compoies,
And what a goodly bay his note is;

265

270

croachments upon the English church and nonarchy. He was perfecuted by Pope Innocent, but it is not certain that he was deprived, though Bayle thinks he was.

VOL. II.

Ver. 238.1 Albertus Lafcus, Lasky, or Alafco, Prince Palatine of Poland, concerned with Dee and Kelly. 3 [1]

How many German leagues by th' fcale
Cape Snout's from Promontory Tail.
He made a planetary gin,

Which rats would run their own heads in,
And come on purpose to be taken,
Without th' expence of cheese or bacon.
With lute-ftrings he would counterfeit
Maggots that crawl on difh of meat;
Quote moies and fpots on any place
O'th' body, by the index face;
Detect loft maidenheads by fneezing,
Obreaking wind of dames, or pithing;
Cure warts and corns, with application.
Oficines to th' imagination;
bright naues into dogs, and scare,
With rhymes, the tooth-ach and catarrh;
Chace evil spirits away by dint
Of fickle, horte-fhoe, hollow-flint;
At five out of a walnut-fhell
Which made the Roman flaves rebel;
And fire a mine in China here,
With fympathetic gun-powder.

He knew whatsoever 's to be known,

But much more than he knew would own.
What medicine 'twas that Paracelius
Could make a man with, as he tells us ;
What figur'd flates are beft to make,
On watery furface, duck or drake;
What bowling-ftones, in running race
Upon a board, have fwifteft pace;
Whether a pulfe beat in the black
Lift of a dappled loufe's back;

If fyftole or diastole move

Quickest when he's in wrath or love;

Which way a ferving-man, that's run,
With clothes or money away, is gone;
Who pick'd a fob at Holding-forth,
And where a watch, for half the worth,
May be redeem'd; or itelen plate
Reitor'd at confcionable rate.
Eefide all this, he ferv'd his master
In quality of poerafter,

355

360

When two of them do run a race,

Whether they gallop, trot, or pace;

How many fcores a flea will jump,

Of his own length, from head to rump,
Which Socrates and Cherephon
In vain affay'd to long agone;
Whether his facut a perfect note is,
And not an elephant's probolcis;
How many different fpecicfes
Of maggots breed in ro ten cheese;
And which are next of kin to thofe
Engender'd in a chandler's nofe;
Or thofe not feen, but understood,
That live in vinegar and wood.

A paltry wretch he had half-ftary'd,
That him in place of zany ferv'd,
Hight Whachum, bred to dash and draw,
Not wine, but more unwholfome law :

315

315

320

325

Ver. 317. How many different specieles.] Species's in editions 1664, 1674, 1684. Altered to peCiefes, 1699.

Ver. 325. Whachum.] Journeyman to Sidrophel, who was one Tom Jones, a 'oolith Welshman. In a Key to a poem of Mr. Butler's, Whachum is faid to be one Richard Green, who published a pamphlet of about five theets of bare ribaldry, and called, Hudibras in a Snare. It was printed about the year 1667.

365

370

375

And rhymes appropriate could make
To every month i' th' almanack ;
When terms begin and end could tell,
With their return, in doggerel;
When the Exchequer opes and fhuts,
A fowgelder with fafety cuts;
When men may eat and drink their fill,
And when be temperate, if they will;
When ufe, and when abitain from vice,
Figs, grapes, phlebotomy, and spice.
And as in prifon mean rogues beat
Hemp for the fervice of the great,
So Whachum b at his dirty brains
T'advance his maiter's fame and gains,
And, like the dev.I's oracles,
Put into doggerel rhymes his ipells;
Which, over every month's blank page
I' th' almanack, ftrange bilks pretage.
He would an elegy compofe
On maggots fqueez'd out of his no fe;
In yric numbers write an ode on
His mistress' eating a black-pudden;
And, when imprifon'd air escap'd her,
It puft him with poetic rapture.
His fonnets charm'd th' attentive crowd,
By wide-mouth'd mortal troll'd alcud,
That, circled with his long-ear'd guests,
Like Orpheus look'd among the beasts:
A carman's horfe could not país by,
But flood ty'd up to poetry;
No porter's burthen pafs'd along,
Each window like a pillory appears,
But fervid for burthen to his fong:
With heads thrust though, nail'd by the ears;

385

390