and fripping it of thofe concealments which the confent of men feems to have cloathed it with.

In this in veftigation I fhall care fully avoid the common place language of difappointment and cyni cím, and hall endeavour to take a fair and impartial view o. human life: And let me here once for all be permitted to obferve, that general laws are to be inveftigated folely from general facts; and that in our prefent defign, a juft eftimate is to be formed ONLY from a general view of man, as affected by the influence of natural evil in the world; I fhall even leave out of the estimate the infinite variety of human ills which are the confequence of vicious indulgences. It feems neceffary, in the profecution of our euquiry, to confider the Circumftances of man, in the feveral Aages of life, which I shall divide into Infancy, Childhood, Youth, Adult Age, and Old Age.

The two firft of these have perhaps in all ages been generally conceived as the happiest periods of human exiftence, as being free from care, from anxiety and folicitude, confequently not attended with all that long train of anticipated evils which perpetually infeft us in the more advanced periods. This is at leaft an implicit acknowledgment, that if happiness is not to be found in infancy and childhood, it must be very difficult to determine where to fearch for it. All mankind feem readily to agree in this (entiment; what is more frequent than to call thofe our happiest days which were the neareft our infancy, and which were the most thoughtless and trifling? What is more common than to tell a child, he will never be so hapPy in any future age as the prefent. Is it poffible that man, with all the boafted aid of reafon, fhould place human happinefs in that part of life, which is the most deftitute of reafon? Are all the manly faculties of the foul then to be caft away as of no weight in the estimate of human hap piness, or rather are they to be accounted as acting against it? What is this fame acknowledgment or general confent, but admitting the fact, that limiting our views to the prefent life, our exiftence is on the whole an evil

It allows that the period most void of reafon is the moft happy, that is the leaft miferable. Does not the fame principle of reasoning admit, that a total abfence of reafon is the fummit of negative happinefs; that is, is not at all miferable. This is to be confi dered only as affecting the feelings of the mind, because from these feelings the comparison of happiness in the first, and the more advanced flages was drawn. It feems then, that the common obfervation of men has produced a general agreement, before they were aware of it, that the nearer they approached to non-ex fence, the greater freedom they enjoyed from the natural evils of life; for what is the new born infant but a mere automation, totally void of any other ideas than thofe which arife fimply from fenfation? Is the vital principle any thing more than action and re-action, is this principle in the leaft degree attended, in the firft moments of life, with more reafon than the brutal creation? Certainly not. The hu→ man animal acquires ideas in the fame manner, only feems capable of greater degrees of improvement. Infancy and childhood then, are those two periods of human life, at which our fpecies are nearest on a level with what we call the irrational species of beings, and at which the greatest share of haps pinefs is enjoyed.

Let us now enquire how far happinefs extends in the first period of life.

Here it is highly probable, that neither pleasure nor pain, can be faid to affect the mind; the whole fource of both then is to be fought forin fenfation, or in thofe ideas which are to tally dependent on the affection of the corporeal organs. To be more minute then, the queftion here is, whe ther the mere animal fenfations are moftly pleasurable, or on the contrary painful? The gratification of an appe tite for food, feems evidently to conflitute the greater part of enjoyment at this age. Whether the natural circumftances attendant on the appetite may july be called an enjoyment, let him who confiders that the degree of it is greater or lefs, in proportion to the uneafinefs previously occafioned by hunger, impartially answer. If

too

too frequent repetition of feeding an infant is made ufe of, it palls the relish and diminishes the enjoyment, why but because no fpace is admitted for the production of a fenfation of hunger. If hunger is not allowed to exift, there will be no enjoyment. The relith is always the greateй, when the hunger has been the most keen. What then is the taking of food in an infant, more than a negative enjoy. ment? That is, a means of removing the painful fenfation of hunger? For here we are not to take into confideration the refined arts of cookery, which would even be a new fource of evil to the tender infant. Our bufinefs is only concerning that fuftenance which answers the purposes of fimple nature, for nature undisguised is the object of our enquiry. We seem now fo far to have balanced the ac count, and have nothing to carry to the credit of happiness, against the almoft infinite variety of bodily pains, to which the tender infant is by the deln acy of his frame subjected.

The body (eems in this ftate, to be fufceptible of a thousand pains and tortures, with but a fingie avenue for a gratification, which fcarcely can deferve the name of pleasure. Who could think of attributing happiness to fo weak and defenceless a being as this!

(To be continued.)

large, who hear of colleges like pålaces devoted to learning, of princely eftates bequeathed for the fupport of profeffors, of public libraries, and fchools for every fcience, are difpofed to view the confecrated place in which they abound, with peculiar veneration. Accidental visitors also, who behold the superb dining halls, the painted chapels, the luxurious common rooms, the elegant chambers, and a race of mortals, in a peculiar drefs, frutting through the ftreets with a folemn air of importance; when they fee all the doctors, both the proctors, with all the heads of colleges and halls, in folemn proceffion, with their velvet fleeves,fcarlet gowns, hoods, black, red, and purple --cannot but be ftruck with the appearance, and are naturally led to conclude, that here, at length,wifdom, fcience, learning, and whatever elfe is prafe-worthy, for ever flourish and abound.

Without entering into an invidious and particular examination of the fubject, we may curforily obferve, that after all this pompous oftentation,and this profufe expence, the public has not, of late at least, been indebted for the greatest improvements in fcience and learning, to all the doctors, both the proctors, nor to all the heads of colleges and halls laid together. That populous univerfity, London, and that region of literary labour, Scotland, have feized every palm of literary honour, and left the fons of

OUR

ties.

UR English univerfities are held in high efteem among foreigners; and, indeed, confidering the number of great men, who have received a part of their education in them, and their opulent establishments of colleges and profefforships, they are really refpe&table. I have therefore been the more difpofed to lament, that the public exercifes fhould be fo futile and abfurd,as todeferve not only the feverity of cenfure, but the futmoft poignancy of ridiGule.

Reverence, it has been jufly remarked, is always encreafed by the diftance of the object. The world at

ftantial comforts, in the fmoke of the common or combination room. The burfar's books are the only manufcripts of any value produred in many colleges; and the fweets of pensions, exhibitions, fines, fellowflips, and petty offices, the chief objects of academical purfuit.

If I were to enter into the many laughable abfurdities of college life and univerfity inftitutions, as they now ftand, I thould exceed the limits of my paper. It is my intention at prefent only to acquaint the public with the exercifes, which one celebrated feat of the mufes requires, of those who feek the envied honour of a malter of arts degree. I speak not from difpleasure or refentment; but volun

tarily

tarily incur the odium of many perfons attached by intereft and connections to the univerfities, with no other motive, than the defire of removing the difgrace of those noble establish meats, by expofing the futility of the exercifes to public animadverfion.

The youth, whofe heart pants for the honour of a Bachelor of Arts degree, must wat patiently till near four years have revolved. But this time is not to be spent idly. No; he is obliged, during this period, once to oppofe, and once to refpond, in difputations held in the public fchools--a formidible found, and a dreadful idea; but, on clofer attention, the fear will vanish, and contempt fupply its place..

This oppofing and refponding is termed, in the cant of the place, do ing generals. Two boys, or men, as they call themselves, agree to do generals together. The firft Rep in this mighty work is to procure arguments. These are always handed down, from generation to generation, on long Lips of paper, and confift of foolift fyllogifms on fool fh fubjects, of the formation or the fignification of which, the refpondent and opponent feldom know more than an infant in fwaddling cloaths. The next ftep is to go for a liceat to one of the petty officers, called the Regent Mater of the Schools, who fubfcribes his name to the questions, and receive fix pence as his fee. When the important day arrives, the two doughty difputants go into a large dufty room, full of dirt and cobwebs, with walls and wainfcot decorated with the names of former disputants, who, to divert the tedious hours, cut out their names with their penknives, or wrote verfes with a pencil. Here they fit in mean deks, oppofite to each other, from one o'clock till three. Not once in a hundred times does any officer enter; and, if he does, he hears one fyllogifm or two, and then makes a bow, and departs, as he came, and remained, in folema filence The difputants then return to the amusement of cutting the desks, carving their names, or reading Sterne's Sentimental Journey, or fome edifying novel. When this exercife is duly performed by both parties, they have a right to the title

and infignia of Sophs; but not before® they they have been formally created by one of the regent mafters, before whom they kneel, while he lays a volume of Ariftotle's works on their heads, and puts or a hood, a piece of black crape, hanging from their necks, and down to their heels; which crape, it is exprefly ordained by a ftatute made and provided, thall be plain, and unadorned either with, wool or with fur.

And this work done, a great progreis is made towards the wished for honour of a bachelor's degree. There remain only one or two trifling forms, and another difputation almoft exa&t. ly fimilar to doing generals, but called aufwering under bachelor, previous to the awful examination.

Every candidate is obliged to be examined in the whole circle of the fciences by three mafters of arts, of his own choice. The examination is to be held in one of the public fchools, and to continue from nine o'clock till eleven. The mafters take a moft folemn oath, that they will examine properly and impartially. Dreadful as all this appears, there is always found to be more of appearance in it than reality; for the greatest dunce ufually gets his teftimonium figned with as much each and credit as the

finest genius. The manner of proceeding is as follows: The poor young man to be examined in the fciences, often knows no more of them than his bedmaker, and the mafters who examine are fometimes equally unac quainted with fuch myfteries. But fchemes, as they are called, or little books, containing forty or fifty queftions on each fcience, are handed down, from age to age, from one to another. The candidate to be examined employs three or four days in learning thefe by heart, and the examiners, having done the fame before him when they were examined, know what queftions to afk, and fo all goes, on finoothly. When the candidate has difplayed his univerfa! knowledge of the fciences, he is to difplay his skill in philology. One of the maffers, therefore, defires him to confirue a paffage in fome Greek or Latin claffic, which he does with no interruption, jut as he pleafes, and as well as he

CAR

can. The ftatutes next require, that he fhould tranflate familiar English phrafes into Latin. And now is the time when the mafters fhew their wit and jocularity. Droll queftions are put on any fubiect, and the puzzled candidate furn fhes diverfion by his aukward embarraffment. I have known the questions on this occafion to confit of an enquiry into the pedigree of a race-horfe. And it is a common queft on, after asking what is the fummum banum of various fects of philofophers, to ask what is the fummum bonum, or chief good,among Oxonians; to which the answer is fuch as Minermus would give. This familiarity, however, only takes place when the examiners are pot companions of the candidate, which indeed is ufually the cafe; for it is reckoned good management to get acquainted with two or three jolly young mafters of arts, and fupply them well with port, previously to the examination, If the vice chancellor and proctors happen to enter the fchool, a very uncommon event, then a folemnity is put on, very much to the confufion of the matters, as well as of the boy, who is fitting in the little box oppofite to them. As neither the officer, nor any one elfe, ufually enters the room (for it is reckoned very ungenteel), the examiners and the candidates often converfe on the last drinking bout, or on horfes, or read the newspaper, or a novel, or divert themselves as well as they can in any manner. till the clock ftrikes eleven, when all parties defcend, and the teftimonium is figned by the mafters. With this teftimonium in his poffeffion the candidate is fure of fuccefs. The day in which the honour is to be conferred arrives; be appears in the Convocation house, he takes an abundance of oaths, pays a fum of money in fees, and, after kneeling down before the vice chancellor, and whispering a lie, rifes up a Bachelor of Arts.

And now, if he aspires at higher honours (and what emulous fpirit can fit down without aspiring at them?) new labours and new difficulties are to be encountered during the fpace of three years. He must determine in Lent, he must do quodlibets, he must

do auftins, he muft declaim twice, he muft read fix folemn lectures, and he must be again examined in the fciences, before he can be promoted to the degree of Master of Arts.

, None but the initiated can know what determining, doing quodlibets, and doing aufins mean. I have not room to Enter into a minute defcriptron of fuch contemptible minuti. Let it be fufficient to fay, that these exercifes confift of difputations, and The difputations of fyllogifms, procured and uttered nearly in the fame places, time and manner, as we have already feen them in doing generals. There is, however, a great deal of trouble in little formalities, fuch as procuring fix penny liceats, flicking up the names on the walls, fitting in large empty rooms by yourself, or with fome poor wight as ill employed as yourself, without any thing to lay or do, wearing hoods, and a little piece of lambskin with the wool on it, and a variety of other particulars tos tedious and too trifling to enumer

ate.

The declamations would be an useful exercife, if it were not always performed in a careless and evasive manner. The lectures are always called Wall Lectures, because the lecturer has no other audience but the walls. Indeed he usually steals a fheet or two of Latin out of fome old book, no matter on what fubject, though it ought to be on natural philofophy. Thefe he keeps in his pocket, in order to take them out and read away, if a proctor fhould come in; but otherwife, he fits by himself, and folaces himself with a book, not from the Bodleian but the circulating library..

The examination is performed exa&ly in the fame manner as before defcribed; and, though represented as very formidable, is fuch an one as a boy from a good school juft entered, might go through as well as after a feven years refidence. Few, however, refide; for the majority are what are called term-trotters; that is, perfons who only keep the term for form fake, or spend fix or eight weeks in a year in the university, to qualify them for degrees, according to the letter of the fatutes.

After

'After all there important exercises and trials, and after again taking oaths by wholefale, and paying the fees, the acedemic is honoured with a Mafter's degree, and iffues out into the world with this undeniable paffport to carry him through it with credit.

Efay on Flattery.

Modo fit obfequens, hilaris, comis, communis, concordis, dum id quod petit, potitur.

VIC

Ex aure ejus ftalagmium domi habeo. Cæcil. Frag. ICES for the generality, are more easily discoverable by others, than by the criminals themfelves; as ftanders by can frequently detect a plot, which efcapes those who are employed in the heat of the game. But although this rule will hold good with refpect to most other fauls, yet there is one particular crime which the guilty are more confcious to than even the perfon wronged; and that is Battery. This is a vice of fo fubtle and intreaguing a nature, that it may dance in a man's head, and play upon. his tongue, and yet conceal itself from the whole world befides. It may roll in the eyes of a coquet, or glide through the eloquence of a beau and yet neither of the defigning hypocrites be fenfible of the artifice of one another. I have feen it fpread a deep attention upon the face of a dependant, when his patron has been telling a flory; and fmile on the lips of a debtor, as often as the creditor has beea pleased to jest. Nay, I have not been without my fears, leafl it might poffibly, one time or other, feize the pens of fome of my brother authors, and dedicate to an honest well-meaning gentleman, an odd qualification or too, which he might be entirely innocent of.

The arts of flattery are very various, and of a more or lefs delicate nature, as they are managed by men of weaker or fronger capacités. A coxcomb will give you to your face, a long detail of your envied accomplishments; while one of a more polished turn will only fpeak the fame things

A 2

to your friend, who he is fure will tell you again. A young beginner in this mystery, will take care how he tells you of your flips; but a praЯitioner of greater experience throws you out half a dozen blunders of his own, to keep you in countenance.

In order to be a thorough proficient in this polite fcience, we should have a good infight to human nature in general, and a knowledge of the perfon's mind in particular, whom we intend to flatter. This is neceffary, beCaufe we may other wife commend a perfon for that which he has no ambition to excel in, or perhaps, may defpife and ridicule. Befides, a perfect understanding of a man's powers and inclinations, will make the flatterer to blanch him, in a way that fhall only wear the face of ftrict impartiality and juftice. Harry Smooth is a pattern in thus particular. I was a few days ago with him to vifit a gentleman, whofe chef pride is to excel in the polite tongues. When Harry with a volubility addrefs'd himself to the gentleman, Sir, fays he, allowing what all mankind does, that you are a perfect mafter of the Latin, the Greek, the French and the Italick languages, yet I could not forbear contradicting Mr. Polih, when he to❜ther day affirmed, you was very fluent in the Wild-Irish. This account of Mr. Smooth, is cer tainly very ufeful and neceffary in a flatterer; for what fignifies complimenting him with skill in poetry, who feeks the name of mathematician?

Methinks there is no vice which at one view shows meannefs, danger and injuftice, in a greater degree than flattery. Nothing appears more baso and abje&t, than to fee a cringing parafite, ever on the watch, to affent to, and applaud all that his patron fays or acts. How little does the wretch look, even in the eyes of the very perfon to whom he endeavours to recommend him felf? What must aman of fense think of fuch a fawning creature? For my own part, if I must be flattered,, I had much rather it thould be done with fpirit and refolution, than in fuch a dull groveling man