IMITATED FROM THE GREEK.
A Miser traversing his house,
Espy'd, unusual there, a Mouse,
And thus his uninvited guest
Inquisitively he addrest:
"Tell me, Sir Mouse, to what cause is it,
"I owe this unexpected visit?"
The Mouse her host obliquely ey'd,
And, smiling, pleasantly reply'd,
Fear not, Old Square Toes, for your hoard; 'I came to lodge-and not to board!
THE CANDID CONFESSION.
A Hum'rous fellow in a tavern late,
Being drunk and valiant, gets a broken pate;
The surgeon, with his instruments and skill,
Searches his skull, deeper, and deeper still,
To feel his brains, and try if they were sound;
And, as he keeps ado about the wound,
The fellow cries, Good surgeon, spare your pains,
When I began this brawl I had no brains.
ON BARDELLA, THE MANTUAN THIEF.
FROM OWEN.
A Monk, Bardella, to be hang'd, cheer'd up;
And said, "To-night in heaven thou shalt sup."
Bardel replied, this I keep fasting day,
If you please to accept my place, you may.'
THE PEER AND THE PEDLAR.
A Member of the modern great
Pass'd Sawney with his budget:
The peer was in his car of state,
The tinker forc'd to trudge it.
But Sawney shall receive the praise
His lordship would parade for;
One's debtor for his dapple greys,
The other's shoes are paid for.
A Man of Wales, betwixt St. David's-day and
Ran in his hostess' score, for cheese great store, a
His hostess chalks it up behind the door;
And says, for cheese, come, sir, discharge this score:
Cot zounds, quoth he, what meaneth these?
D'ye think, hur know not chalk from cheese?
THE LOVER'S CONSOLATION.
A Mistress I've lost, it is true;
But one comfort attends the disaster:
That had she my mistress remain'd,
I could not have call'd myself master.
THE MONUMENT.
POST FUNERA VIRTUS.
A Monster in a course of vice grown old,
Leaves to his gaping heir his ill gain'd gold;
Straight breathes his bust, straight are his virtues
Their date commencing with the sculptur'd stone. If on his specious marble we rely,
Pity a worth like his should ever die!
If credit to his real life we give,
Pity a wretch like him should ever live!
THE PURCHASED FAIR.
A. Swarm of sparks, young, gay, and bold,
Lov'd Sylvia long, but she was cold:
Interest and pride the nymph controll'd;
So they in vain their passion told.
At last came Dulman, be was old,
Nay, he was ugly; but had gold:
He came, and saw, and took the hold,
While brother beaux their loss condol'd;
Some say, she's wed; I say, she's sold.
THE CONTEST SETTLED.
A Welshman and an Englishman disputed, Which of their lands maintain'd the greatest state; The Englishman the Welshman quite confuted,
The Welshman yet wou'd not his vaunts abate, Ten cooks, quoth he, in Wales, one wedding sees; Ay, quoth the other, each man toasts his cheese.
A Nymph was deserted, a youth was deceiv'd,
To the priestess of Delphos they posted in haste,
She cried," should a lover be ever believ'd?"
He ask'd if a damsel could ever be chaste.
These questions her Holiness turn'd in her mind,
Then issued the infallible sentence of truth,
"No youth will deceive, if no damsel be kind:
Each damsel is chaste, if belov'd by no youth."
DIAMOND CUT DIAMOND.
A Yorkshire Man! and Ostler still!-
Ere this you might have been,
Had you employ'd your native skill,
Landlord, and kept the inn.
Ah! Sir, quoth John, here 'twill ne'er do:
For dang it! Meyster's Yorkshire too.
ANCIENT MUSIC.
A Virtuoso friend, a man of worth,
With much surprise address'd my good Lord North: "I wonder how your Lordship can forbear "The pleasures of our famous club to share, "Who meet the ancient music to restore: "Such harmony you never heard before. "Pray come, my Lord; the effect's beyond belief; "Brownlow attends."- Yes, Sir; but I'm not deaf."
Bishop of Winchester, said to be a little deaf.
QUIN'S SOLILOQUY,
ON SEEING DUKE HUMPHREY AT ST.
A Plague on Egypt's arts, I say!
Embalm the dead! on senseless clay
Rich wines and spices waste!
Like sturgeon, or like brawn shall I
Bound in a precious pickle lie,
Which I can never taste?
Let me embalm this flesh of mine.
With turtle fat, and Bourdeaux wine,
And spoil th' Egyptian trade!
Than Humphry's Duke more happy I-
Embalm'd alive, old Quin shall die,
A mummy ready made.
A Wolf retiring from Whitehall,
Where he had statesman been,
Built for himself a box so small,
That few could be received within.
The country all admired at this,
And could not at the reason guess,
Why one so wealthy and so great
Should cage himself at such a rate,
Till, at the last, a fox come by,
A courtier also, sleek and sly;
And thus, in earnest, or in jest
His reason gave, among the rest;
Perhaps my lord commissioner intends
Here to receive only his Honest Friends.
ON THE BUSTS OF ENGLISH WORTHIES, AT STOW.
AMONG these chiefs of British race,
Who live in breathing stone,
Why has not Cobham's bust a place?—
The structure was his own.
AN UNPLEASANT RESURRECTION.
A Scolding wife so long a sleep possess'd,
Her spouse presum'd her soul was now at rest.
Suble was call'd to hang the room with black,
And all their cheer was sugar, rolls, and sack.
Two mourning staves stood sentry at the door,
And Silence reign'd, who ne'er was there before.
The cloaks and tears and handkerchiefs prepar'd,
They march'd in woeful pomp to the church-yard.
When see, of narrow streets what mischiefs come:
The very dead can't pass in quiet home;
By some rude jolt the coffin-lid was broke,
And madam from her dream of death awoke.
Now all was spoilt, the undertaker's pay,
Sour faces, cakes, and wine, quite thrown away.
But some years after, when the former scene
Was acted, and the coffin nail'd again;
The tender husband took especial care
To keep the passage from disturbance clear:
Charging the bearers that they tread aright,
Nor put his dear-in such another fright.
A Woman is a book, and often found
To prove far better in the sheets, than bound;
No wonder then, some students take delight,
Above all things, to study in the night.
A SIMILE ON A WHORE.
A Whore is like a squirrel, that doth veil
And cover all her body with her tail.
WRITTEN ON A GLASS,
BY A GENTLEMAN WHO BORROWED THE EARL OF CHESTERFIELD'S DIAMOND
ACCEPT a miracle, instead of wit;
See two dull lines by Stanhope's peueil writ.
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