Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

Front Cover
Whether you’re newly together and eager to make it work or a longtime couple looking to strengthen and deepen your bond, Eight Dates offers a program of how, why, and when to have eight basic conversations with your partner that can result in a lifetime of love.

“Happily ever after” is not by chance, it’s by choice– the choice each person in a relationship makes to remain open, remain curious, and, most of all, to keep talking to one another. From award-winning marriage researcher and bestselling author Dr. John Gottman and fellow researcher Julie Gottman, Eight Dates offers an ingenious and simple-to-implement approach to effective relationship communication. Here are the subjects that every serious couple should discuss: Trust. Family. Sex and intimacy. Dealing with conflict. Work and money. Dreams, and more. And here is how to talk about them—how to broach subjects that are difficult or embarrassing, how to be brave enough to say what you really feel.
There are also suggestions for where and when to go on each date—book your favorite romantic restaurant for the Sex & Intimacy conversation (and maybe go to a yoga or dance class beforehand). There are questionnaires, innovative exercises, real-life case studies, and skills to master, including the Four Skills of Intimate Conversation and the Art of Listening. Because making love last is not about having a certain feeling—it’s about both of you being active and involved. 
 

Contents

The Conversations That Matter
2
Your Date Night
20
The Four Skills of Intimate Conversation
28
The Art of Listening
34
Lean on Me Trust Commitment
38
Agree to Disagree Addressing Conflict
67
Lets Get It On Sex Intimacy
90
The Cost of Love Work Money
113
Play with Me Fun Adventure
156
Something to Believe In Growth Spirituality
182
A Lifetime of Love Dreams
199
Cherish Each Other
215
More OpenEnded Questions
220
Bonus Date Night Exercise
224
Acknowledgments
226
Endnotes
230

Room to Grow Family
141

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About the author (2019)

World-renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce prediction, John Gottman, Ph.D., has conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.  His work on marriage and parenting has earned him numerous major awards, including four National Institute of Mental Health Research Scientist Awards. He is the author or coauthor of more than 40 books, including the bestselling The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work; What Makes Love LastThe Relationship CureWhy Marriages Succeed or Fail; and Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child. Dr. Gottman’s media appearances include Good Morning America, Today, CBS Morning News, and Oprah, as well articles in the New York Times, Ladies Home Journal, Redbook, Glamour, Woman’s Day, People, Self, Reader’s Digest, and Psychology Today. Cofounder of the Gottman Institute with his wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, John was also the Executive Director of the Relationship Research Institute. He is Professor Emeritus of Psychology at the University of Washington, where he founded "The Love Lab" at which much of his research on couples’ interactions was conducted. He lives in Seattle.

Julie Gottman, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and the cofounder and President of The Gottman Institute. She is the cocreator of the immensely popular The Art and Science of Love weekend workshops for couples, and she also co-designed the national clinical training program in Gottman Couples Therapy. She is Author/co-author of five books: Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage, And Baby Makes Three, 10 Principles for Doing Effective Couples Therapy, The Man’s Guide to Women, and The Marriage Clinic Casebook. Julie lives in Seattle.

Doug Abrams is president and founder of Idea Architects, a literary agency, as well as an author and editor. His most recent bestseller is The Book of Joy, with The Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu. He lives outside Santa Cruz, CA.

Rachel Carlton Abrams, M.D., is an integrative physician and the author of the book BodyWise. She and Doug live outside Santa Cruz, CA, and have three young adult children.

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